The Best 10 Tips For Men Who Are New To Online Dating

10 Tips For Men Who Are New To Online Dating

If you're new to online dating, it's important you understand some fundamentals to succeed and meet women. Most men crash and burn because they have no idea what they're doing nor understand some of the critical concepts going in.

The goal of this post is sharing 10 key concepts you should know when you join a dating app. Understand going in you can't half-ass it on your profile, you must put effort into your messages, and women are going to ignore you to name a few.

1. Put up a complete dating profile.

Take the time necessary to put up a complete dating profile. Add several photos, fill out the basic section completely (kids, education level, smoking, pets, etc.), if your site has a username or headline put effort into those as well.

Pay attention when you fill out your profile. A small mistake has a massive impact on your results. In the example below on Match.com, John is a 39-year-old man and is seeking women who are 21-46 years old. Using a vast age range like this is a huge red flag and more than likely hurts his results.

The most important piece of your bio is your self-summary. You need to put up a well-written bio. Don't be the guy who writes, "I'll fill this out later" or "Just ask."

You must provide depth in your bio. Take a look at the example below from Match.com. The guy below offers zero insight into what makes him unique.

The guy above exercises likes to relax and enjoys beer. Wow, so does every other guy.

It's critical you put effort into your self-summary. It's the most crucial piece of your profile. Here are a few facts about the importance of your bio:

• Zoosk found a "great description" results in nearly 30% more incoming messages.
• Eharmony found "words used on a profile were shown to have a larger impact on women's decision to approach men at between 64 and 69%" over a photo.
• Coffee Meets Bagel found the top 10% most like profiles were 35% longer than the rest.
• Hinge found 57% of women said the main reason for not responding to someone they’ve connected with was because they "took a closer look at the person’s profile and realized they're not attracted."

Choose a few of your passions and interests and write about them. Share what makes you unique; include quirks and little idiosyncrasies. Keep it positive and light. Show confidence and humor. Add some depth, and you’ll have profile better than most of the other guys.

Here are some posts with profile tips that can help you:

1.  How To Take Good Dating Profile Photos For Men
2.  10 Things Men Should Never Write On Their Dating Profile
3.  How To Create A Good Dating Site Username
4.  10 Online Dating Profile Headline Tips for Men

2. You must use good icebreakers.

The best way to start conversations is by mentioning something you see on a woman's dating profile. Unfortunately, most men take the easy approach and say "Hello" or "How's your day?" 

The example below is from POF and is a prime example of what the majority of men send as icebreakers to women:

Hinge found 30% of women are turned off by men's opening messages. Why? Low effort.

It's so bad some women warn guys to make an effort like this woman's bio on Tinder:

Don't expect to start many conversations with generic messages such as "hey" or "hi." For an overview of the right way to start conversations with women, take a look at my blog post; 3 Good Conversation Starters for Online Dating Messages To Women.

3. You will be ignored (and ghosted).

Regardless of whatever dating app you're on, women will ignore you. Some women will ghost you; some tell you "no thanks," and many won't respond to your messages outright.

It doesn't matter if you're a 100% match on OkCupid or Eharmony; sometimes something doesn't "click" with women when reading your profile or messages.

It can certainly damage your ego and lead to confusion, frustration, and sometimes anger. If women ignore your messages or never swipe right, take it as a sign to look at your profile and make changes. Also, test different approaches in your messages.

Oh, and if a woman tells you she's not interested; move on. There's no need to insult her verbally. Doing this only confirms she was right to not pursue anything with you.

A real man handles rejection with grace. Think of it this way; it's her loss.

And then there's ghosting.

Ghosting is an unfortunate part of online dating. Yes, it happens. And it's going to happen to you so deal with it. Women will fade away and ghost you at some point.

Why does ghosting happen? It could be several things. Maybe the woman found someone else. Maybe you said something off-putting. Sometimes life happens, and other things take priority. You never know the reason a woman ghosts you.

4. Seek out women who are your matches.

Don't message every woman, especially if you don't match up in terms of lifestyle choices. Women read through your profile with a fine-toothed comb, and if they see you don't match up on certain things, they won't reply.

An example is kids. Do you want kids? It's a "yes" or "no" answer depending on your age. If you're 40 and don't want kids, focus on sending messages to women who don't want kids either. If you want kids and are emailing women who don't want kids, you're going to have an empty inbox.

As I mentioned above, it's critical to put effort into your dating profile. Not only does a well put together profile show women you take online dating seriously, but a variety of photos and a well-written bio detailing your interests proves you're a potential match with women.

For example, if you lead an active lifestyle, add photos showing yourself hiking or at the beach. Also, write about yourself and give examples of your healthy lifestyle. When you message women who have the same active lifestyle, they will look at your profile for proof. You have a better chance of getting responses from women who share the same lifestyle if your photos and bio prove it.

Focus on women you match up with in terms of your lifestyle. You'll do better in the long run.

5. Women don't owe you anything.

You are not entitled to anything; a response to your message, a "thank you" you from women for sending them a message, nor a date.

If a woman swipes right on you, she doesn't have to respond to your message. If a woman "likes" your bio, you don't automatically deserve a conversation. If a woman rejects you, she doesn't owe you an explanation.

Too often, men think they deserve a response to their message and feel disrespected by women who don't reply to their messages. Some guys get agitated and angry; even lashing out at women. Don't do that. If a woman ignores your message; it's her loss.

Take the high road. Always.

6. Positive energy = positive results.

Avoid any negativity in your profile and messages. Plentyoffish found that users with positive identifiers in their profile received 23% more incoming messages.

Women respond to positive energy; not negative. Don't write how you're "not here for games" or "don't want any drama" in your bio. Negativity is off-putting and not an attractive trait.

Don't pout in your profile photos. And food goodness sakes; smile. Photofeeler found neutral expressions (not smiling) is "risky in pictures because they can be interpreted so many ways."

Using photos where you don't smile shows aggression and that you're unfriendly. If you want to succeed in dating apps, you must show you're friendly and likable. The best way to do that is through smiling.

7. Change your profile up!

Change your profile every month. It keeps your profile fresh and current. Also, it increases the likelihood a woman, who may have overlooked you in the past, contacts you because of something new you added to your bio.

Add and remove photos. Change your self-summary around swapping out new things you've done with things from the past.

Keep your profile fresh and in line with the time of year. If it’s summer, write about your summer tips and use photos from your travels. Maybe you find some new hidden restaurant or hiking trail in your city, write about it on your profile.

If it’s winter, share photos of yourself doing whatever it is you do during that time of the year; skiing, etc..

The point is you’re giving women a picture of your lifestyle at that moment. I’ve seen mistakes where guys use Christmas photos in July or Halloween photos in April.

Most guys put up a profile and never change it. Your profile gets stale if you leave it as is. You never know the impact a new photo or tweak to your self-summary can make on women.

8. Ask women out already.

Women aren't looking for pen pals or text buddies. Women are on a dating site for one reason; to meet a man, yet guys for whatever reason, engage in long-winded messages and refuse to ask women out.

As you spend more time on apps you’ll encounter women like this who straight up tell you that they don’t want an email buddy like this woman on Tinder:

Why do women do this? Because most men drone out their emails. When your message turns into, "How's your night?" it's time to cut to the chase and ask a woman out.

There is no right or wrong answer when you should ask a woman out, but if the chemistry is there; if there's a natural ebb and flow to your conversation, it's time to step up and ask the woman for her number so you can take her out on a date.

What's the worst she does? Say no? OK, fine. If a woman doesn't want to meet you, then you move on and find someone who does.

Lastly, when it comes to asking women out; don't ask women out in your first message. You don’t ask a woman to marry you on the first date, do you? I certainly hope not.

You must build up attraction, show women you have similar interest, and fuel her desire to meet you before asking her out.

9. You get what you pay for.

I recommend paid sites over free ones. The simple reason is that on paid sites, you know the women are serious about finding someone because they are spending their hard earned money. Nobody likes spending money and getting nothing out of it.

Paid sites have better features, more women, and you can contact whomever you want. On Tinder, for example, you can only swipe right so many times; you must pay full membership for unlimited swipes.

A bonus of paid sites is there are fewer spammers and fake bots. It doesn't mean you won't encounter one, I've had some issues on Zoosk before, but when sites require a credit card for a membership, the likelihood you talk to a bot or hookers is considerably less than on POF.

I'm not saying free sites don't work. They do. But most are free for some of their services but require payment for full use of their site features. Hinge gives you a quota on the number of likes you can use. Bumble requires a paid membership to see who likes you. POF requires a paid membership to contact upgraded members.

So free isn't always the best option. For an overview of paid vs. free sites, check out my blog post; Why Paid Dating Sites Are Better Than Free Sites For Meeting Women.

10. Take a break (when needed)

Online dating can take a toll on you. It takes time and effort. Dating isn't always easy.

Maybe you don't see good results. It's OK to step away and heal yourself.

When you take a break from dating apps, start by setting a "no app" time limit; maybe a week or a month. Make sure you have this set in stone.

Some apps even let you pause your account. Bumble, for example, has Snooze mode which allows you to go invisible for different time lengths.

Delete the app if you must. You can come back when you're ready.

During your "break," replace the time you devoted to online dating with something else. Something more healthy. Reach out to friends/family and reconnect.

Plan fun things you can do alone. It can be as simple as going to the gym, or taking a road trip, getting outdoors. Take up new hobbies; maybe take up an instrument.

It's critical you take time off from dating apps until you finish working on yourself. At the four week mark, check in with yourself to see if you feel ready to date. Do the same at three months, and again at six months. Take a break for however long it takes until you are ready to jump back into the online dating pool.