The Worst Online Dating Mistakes All Men Should Avoid
What are the worst online dating mistakes men make? The top blunders include bad photos, negativity, and using the wrong approaches in messages.
It's easy to succeed on dating apps, but the majority of men don't do well. If you're seeing less than stellar results on dating apps, this post will help identify mistakes you may make right now.
Here are the 7 worst online dating mistakes you should avoid if you want to meet someone on apps. If you're guilty of any of these, it's time to make a change.
1. You use bad photos.
Selfies are one of the worst photos you can in your dating profile. Zoosk found guys who posted selfies in their online dating profiles received 8% fewer messages.
Photofeeler found selfies make your face look bad because they distort your face and contort your body. Tack on the fact selfies are associated with traits such as arrogance, self-absorption, and vanity; it's a terrible idea using selfies in your profile.
You can read more of Photofeeler's findings on their blog post, Selfies Make Your Face Look Bad. Here’s Why.
Selfies aside, there are several other bad photos you should avoid. Examples include:
- Group photos where it's unclear who you are.
- Using photos you're not in (pics of your dog, car, beer, etc.)
- Photos with women in them.
- Old, outdated pictures.
And PLEASE don't use photos taken in a mirror. Match.com found 29% of women indicated that a photo taken in a mirror with a smartphone was the biggest reason they’d click away from a guy’s profile.
Example of a tacky profile photo; note how you see the urinals and trash can.
You should use photos of yourself engaging in your hobbies and interests. We all have things we enjoy, so grab a camera and take pictures. It's simple, really.
Do you hike? Add a photo of yourself on the trails. Do you travel? Add pictures on your adventures. Are you a social butterfly? Add pictures of yourself taken at various events.
OkCupid found people doing something interesting have a 40% higher chance of receiving more messages. You must include photos where you're engaging in activities or hobbies which are part of your life.
For more photo tips go here: What Are Good Dating Profile Photo Tips For Men
2. You're on the wrong dating app.
Are you looking for marriage? Do you want a casual relationship or something serious?
You may not realize all apps are not created equal. Some apps have relationship-minded women, while others have women who are looking for something more casual.
If you're looking for marriage and kids, I wouldn't recommend Tinder. Do you want something casual, stay off Match.com.
Joining the wrong dating app is another of the worst online dating mistakes men do because they don't pay attention or are simply unaware of it. Make sure you're using the right app for you!
Every single dating app has its own advantages and disadvantages. You can compare the pros and cons of the major dating apps using my cheat sheet which you can get here: Ninja Online Dating Cheat Sheet
3. You put little effort in your self-summary.
Believe it or not, women read men's bios. Here are a few facts about the impact your written self-summary has on your results:
- Tobii Technology, which tracks eye movements, found women spend 50% more time than men reading profile information.
- Tinder found the top 10% most LIKED profiles were 35% longer than the rest.
- Zoosk found writing a description about yourself gets you up to 28% more incoming messages.
- Hinge found 57% of women said they didn't respond to men's messages because they "took a closer look at the person's profile..."
One of the worst online dating mistakes men make is writing nothing about themselves in their bio. And boy, a lot of men make this mistake. For example, the profile below has zero depth, sharing nothing substantial about the guy.
A lack of depth in your bio reduces your response rates from women.
Make an effort in the written section of your bio. Put pen to paper (or use some sort of Word tool) and list 4-5 things you enjoy doing. Things including:
- work
- passions
- interests
- achievements
- goals
Chose a few topics and write a few sentences about each; add depth to your topics. Don't write you're adventurous; prove it. For example, "I do have an adventurous side. I enjoy fun activities like zip lining, scuba diving and bungee jumping because they get me out of my comfort zone and allow me to open myself up to the experiences and beauty that life gives you..."
When you provide details about yourself, you'll stand head and shoulders above men who write how they "love traveling, enjoy Netflix, and work hard/play hard."
For tips on how to write a great bio, visit my post, 10 Critical Online Dating Profile Tips for Men. A well-written bio boosts your response rates, and women may start conversations with you!
Women initiate conversations with you when you have a well-written bio.
4. You're negative in your bio.
The last thing women want to see on a man's bio or messages is negative energy. Plentyoffish found that users with positive identifiers in their profile received 23% more incoming messages while EliteSingles found 22% of members found negativity to be a turnoff.
Take the headline below form POF. The guy is insulting the women on the app, which is a terrible first impression.
Don't insult women who use the same app you do.
Another mistake is listing what you don't want. Never write how you aren't "looking for games or drama."
Your bio should highlight your strengths. You're a man of character, and your profile must prove it.
If you ever find yourself upset, stay away from your dating profile. Don't take your frustration out in your bio because women will always see it as a huge red flag.
Negativity is a HUGE turnoff for women.
5. You show a lack of effort in messages.
Most guys get little to no responses to their messages. The main reason women don't respond is that men send awful icebreakers.
Women take the time to write about themselves in their bio; making an effort to find the perfect partner. And after all that effort, women receive messages like this:
Most men send awful first messages like the one above.
OnlineProfielPros found the top 3 intros to avoid are "hi," "hey," and "hello." "Hi" is the most common first message, used by about 23% of men. These are the worst approaches, and the fact, so many men use them ensures you never stand out.
It's gotten so bad, women warn men to use better opening messages.
When a woman takes the time to write about themselves, put effort into your messages, and comment on their bio. Anything women share is fair game.
For more message tips that help you do better with women, visit my blog post, What Are Good Online Dating First Message Tips For Men?
6. You don't make a move.
One of the top mistakes men make is not messaging women once they connect. You swipe right on a woman on Tinder, and then she swipes right, and you don't make a move.
You're on a dating app to meet someone, and women have the same goal. So, once you match with a woman on Tinder, for example, send her a message. And if a woman sends you a message first, say, on Bumble, respond for goodness sake.
What's the point of joining a website if you're not going to send a message or just want to swap messages endlessly? It's so bad, some women warn men in their profiles.
Women aren't looking for penpals on dating apps!
On the flip side, say you connect with a woman and swap several messages. It's in your best interest to get her number and ask her out for a date.
If you take too much time swapping messages with a woman, she will ultimately become bored and move on. Or maybe some other guy will ask her out first because you are dragging your feet.
If it comes to the point where your conversations have become, "How's your day" or "Anything fun planned this weekend," it's time to get her phone number and ask her out.
7. You compliment a woman's looks.
I've discussed a lack of effort in messages. Still, one approach specifically deserves it's own category, complimenting women on their looks. Onlineprofilepro's found 31% of men complement women's appearances.
If you compliment a woman's looks, stop it now. You may wonder, "Chris, what's wrong with telling a woman she's cute." Well, lots!
When you comment on a woman's appearance, it shows you only value her appearance and couldn't take the time to read her bio. Also, the majority of men are using the same approach, so you can't stand out.
Dating sites back up the fact you shouldn't compliment a woman's looks. Zoosk found using the following words in your messages have catastrophic results:
- Sexy - 13% fewer responses.
- Beautiful - 20% fewer responses.
- Cute - 24% fewer responses.
- Gorgeous - 22% fewer responses.
Women, especially attractive women, are told how attractive they are all the time on dating apps. When you send a message telling a woman she's pretty, you're immediately grouped with everyone who does the same thing.
Complimenting a woman's looks is an instant "no."
Compliment a woman's lifestyle instead. If you see she's active, compliment her for a healthy lifestyle. If she volunteers, compliment her selflessness. Make sense?
Compliment anything on a woman except her looks. If you want tips on how to compliment a woman, visit my blog post, How To Compliment A Girl On A Dating Site So Your Message Isn’t Ignored.
Final Thoughts
The worst online dating mistakes guys do are easy to fix. The contents of the list below are among the worst blunders for guys:
- You use bad photos.
- You're on the wrong dating app.
- You put little effort in your self-summary.
- You're negative in your bio.
- You show a lack of effort in messages.
- You don't make a move.
- You compliment a woman's looks.
The good news is these mistakes are all easily fixable. You can replace your photos, rewrite your bio, and put some effort into your messages.
Once you fix everything, you will set yourself apart from the majority of men who either don't care or aren't aware of their mistakes.
