How men can become better on dating apps!
A few things guys can do to become better on dating apps are message women at the right time, move quickly from online to offline, and focus on women they match with. Most guys don't realize the actions they take have bad consequences.
If you don't get responses to your messages, lose a woman's interest during a conversation, or need a little help, it's important to identify mistakes you make. It's never the women or the apps fault, something you are doing is pushing women away.
I want to help you become an efficient online dating machine. Here is a list of 7 ways you can become better on dating apps and boost the likelihood women respond to your messages.
1. Message women who are online.
If you're on an app that shows you women are online, send your icebreakers to them first. You increase the likelihood they respond to your message.
Below is an example on the Plentyoffish app. You can see the text "Online" near their photo.
Focus on women who are online at the same time you are.
What if you're on an app like Bumble, Hinge, or Tinder? These apps don't tell you when women are online, so it's a good idea to swipe right and message them in the evenings.
Zoosk found the best time to message women is between 9:45 PM and 11 PM. Bumble found the peak time for activity on its app is 6 PM. Clearly, women are more active in the evening than during the day
Since women are more active on dating apps in the evenings, that is the time you should focus your efforts on sending your messages.
Lastly, you shouldn't message women who haven't been online for over a week. Focus on women who are either online or using the app within the last week.
On several apps, you can use their filtering tool to include women who are active for a specific period. Below is an example on OkCupid. I can exclude women who haven't used the app over a week.
Use your apps search filter to find women who are online.
It's a more efficient use of your time focusing on women recently use the app. Remember, active users = more responses!
For more message tips, visit my blog post, What Are Good Online Dating First Message Tips For Men?
2. Move the conversation offline quickly.
Don't become an online pen pal. You're on a dating app for a reason! You are there to meet a woman and not to engage dozens of messages with her.
Too often, guys drag out conversations. This hurts your chances as you may bore the woman you're talking with, or even worse, another guy swoops in and asks her out first.
You don't want a woman to lose interest or choose someone else. Take action and ask for her number. You should shoot to get a woman's number sooner than later.
If it gets to a point where you ask a woman, "How was your day?" or "Anything fun planned for the weekend?" it's time to ask for her number.
Women aren't looking for pen pals on dating apps - Ask Them Out!
3. Talk on the phone or video chat.
Nowadays it's easier to just text, BUT it's a good idea to talk before meeting. You can chat on the phone or use an app; kik, WhatsApp, and Skype are examples.
Talking allows you to put a voice to the face while a video chat is also a good idea. The bonus of a video chat is you can confirm a woman looks like her photos.
There is a benefit for a conversation before meeting a woman. You get an idea of the ebb and flow of your chemistry. If there is nothing but dead silence and dull energy before a face-to-face date, that could be a hint of things to come.
4. Drinks or coffee as a first date (always).
The goal if your first date is to see if there is a possibility of a second date. You want to make sure the chemistry is there, which is why meeting for a drink or coffee is your best option.
No dinner dates...no comedy shows...no outdoor activities. These are all acceptable second dates, but not your first date.
When I first started online dating, one of my biggest mistakes was meeting women for dinner on the first dates. When it was good, it was good. When the chemistry wasn't there, it was downright painful.
The last thing you want is to meet someone who doesn't look like their photos or have a long date when there's zero chemistry. Meeting for a drink or coffee allows you to quickly end the date if there's no connection.
A smart thing you can do is plan your initial meeting close to places that allow you to extend the date. I've met several women for a first date at a pub, then extended the date to a local pool hall, or walked on the boardwalk along the beach, etc.
Your first date should always be a cocktail or coffee.
5. Focus on (actual) matches.
This is a no-brainer, yet many guys choose to message women just on looks or try and start a conversation with women they have nothing in common with. When you join a dating app, you should create a list of what you want.
- What are your goals for the app you are on?
- What do you want in a partner?
- What are your deal-breakers?
Write down what you want, or at least have a mental list and stick to it. Read women's bio's and go after who you want, while excluding what you don't want.
Don't waste your time pursuing women who want different things than you. Believe me, women read your bios and will not respond if you aren't on the same page.
And if a woman doesn't write much about herself in her bio, you can easily ask this once you start a conversation; "What are you looking for?" Those magic words can help you immensely.
99.9% of women will answer that honestly. As soon as they answer you, then you share what you want long-term. You'll know if you're on the same page.
If you want family, don't hesitate to say how in the long-term, you want a family. Women not looking for a family will tell you so. Thus, you save time filtering out what you don't want.
6. Become efficient at starting conversations.
Instead of sending "Hello" or "How's your day" as an icebreaker, find something on a woman's bio to start a conversation. Hinge found, "the best way to get a response is to ask a direct question about your match's profile while sharing your interests."
I always look for the same things in a woman's profile that I can use to start a conversation. For example, here are things I enjoy:
- wine/cocktails/beer
- outdoor actives- hiking/kayaking/trail running/the beach
- cooking
- adventurous activities - skydiving/bungee jumping/zip lining
- spending time with my dog
- board games with friends
- programs on Netflix/Amazon Prime
I quickly scan a woman's bio, basics section, and photos looking for common interests. When I see something in common, I'll use that at an icebreaker. I am very efficient at starting conversations using this approach.
On the flip-side, I never reach out to women I have nothing in common with. An example is women who love traveling. I do not like traveling, so I avoid sending messages to women because it's a waste of my time (and hers).
Below is an example where I start a conversation on the Hinge dating app. The woman has a photo of herself paddle-boarding with her dog.
Dogs are one of my go-to topics for an icebreaker. I ask the woman an open-ended question about her dog in the message below.
Look for things you have in common on a woman's bio to use in your icebreaker.
Here is another example on Plentyoffish. A woman named Lily shares how she enjoys hiking and running in her bio (see below).
Scan for keywords on a woman's bio so you can quickly start a conversation
I choose those two topics and use it in my icebreaker below. You see that the approach works as Lily responds to my message.
Activities you share can jump-start a conversation.
You should look for the interests you have in common with the woman in their bios. Ask open-ended questions about those topics. Don't tell women you have something in common, show it in your icebreakers.
Over time you will become efficient at starting conversations with women by focusing on common interests. You will hone your skills and become better and better until you become a master at this.
7. Step outside your comfort zone.
A lot of guys play it safe on dating apps, afraid to take chances. Their fear of scaring women makes them write boring bios and messages which don't allow them to stand out.
Guys hide behind bland descriptions of themselves; "I like traveling, like to go out but stay in, and enjoy cooking." You will never be successful if you don't paint a complete picture of yourself in your bio.
Share what's unique about you. It's the little things; your idiosyncrasies that draw women to you.
For example, I share on my bio how I am hooked on Real Housewives of Atlanta. I could care less about what people think and put it on my bio.
The results, this woman responded to my message and commented on them.
Sharing the little things about yourself can prompt women to respond to your icebreaker.
Honestly write about yourself in your bio. It's refreshing for women to see this, and it may just start a conversation.