Online Dating Frustration: It’s Going to Happen

There is a high degree of online dating frustration among men and women. You may have experienced it or even caused it with members of the opposite sex.

I put the question out on a forum asking men and women what frustrates them about online dating.

There were a lot of responses and dialog among the people who responded.

I wanted to share with you some of the best responses regarding online dating frustration and add my 2 cents after each response.

Frustration Examples

“People who message ME and say “Hi how are you?”, I respond and ask them about themselves and they give short/one word replies that make the conversation almost impossible to continue. Why’d you even message me in the first place, you weirdo?”

First of all, don’t write “Hi, how are you?” in your first message. Most women won’t respond. If you are fortunate to get a response with that opening, consider yourself lucky. Once you get a response from a woman, put a little thought and effort into your emails. One word messages won’t cut it. She’ll lose interest and move on to someone else. Consider yourself warned.

…and then, once the conversation gets dull, they say, “You can ask me anything you want, I’m an open book.”

Conversations get dull if you let the emails drag on endlessly. A common online dating frustration for women is dealing with men who want email buddies. These are the type of men who send messages such as “Any fun plans for the weekend?” or “How was your day?” These are the type of lame questions you ask coworkers in your office, not some woman you are trying to woo online. Let conversations flow naturally. Be a man and get her phone number by the 5th email.

The silence. The deafening silence!

An all too common online dating frustration for men is an empty inbox. If your email box is empty it’s not the women, it’s you. Tweak your profile weekly. This includes swapping photos, mixing the free text section where you write about yourself, your emails to women, and even your dating profile headline if you have one. Everything matters on your dating profile. Everything. And don’t forget to spellcheck everything. Your grammar is important to women.

I’ll send messages to anybody I find interesting…. and nothing. I check my matches every little bit, and filter by activity (within a day, if anyone hasn’t been on in a week they won’t answer) and I’ll get nothing, even when they’re clearly online.

If someone doesn’t respond to your message, it’s their loss. Move on. Don’t waste time and energy to see if a woman reads your message. If women aren’t responding to your messages it’s time to change your approach. Step outside your comfort zone in your messages. Show a little confidence and humor. You’ll see better results.

“The sheer amount of people who disrespect others because there is a computer screen between them.”

A common online dating frustration for women is dealing with men who show a complete lack of respect for them. There’s no need to disrespect a woman if she doesn’t respond to your email. If you are frustrated because women aren’t responding to your messages, turn off your computer and take your online dating frustration out at the gym. When you’ve cooled off, get back on the computer and, as I mention above, change your approach. Too many men email the same thing over and over and get upset when women don’t respond.

“That pictures are like 95% of what people actually care about….”

Pictures are critical but not at the level of 95%. University College London found 48% of women will choose a man based on his pictures alone. I don’t want you to think pictures are the end all, but to maximize your chances of success, you should have 8 – 10 pictures showing various interests and passions. Ditch the selfies. You need a diverse dating profile portfolio. Pictures are critical but so is how you present yourself. Take time and effort to create a dating profile that flows from your username to your photos to how you write about yourself.

“My online dating frustration is that the vast majority of women put very little effort into their profiles beyond “I love to laugh lol” and by extension put little effort into planning dates and expect the guy to initiate just about everything.”

Some women put a lot of effort into their dating profile while others use cliches. There’s no way around that. I will say this if a woman half-asses her dating profile, what do you think that says about the amount of effort she will put into a relationship with you? Think about that.

As for the last half of this comment, it’s not up to the woman to plan dates. Of course, women expect the guy to initiate everything. You are the man, you are expected to initiate everything. Women like being chased.

“Oh and finding people you like a lot personality wise but have absolutely no physical attraction to once you meet them in person. It sucks.”

This is what pictures are for. Save yourself from online dating frustration; don’t waste your time meeting someone if you aren’t physically attracted to them.

“Men who think, “Hey sexy, what’s up?” is a good conversation opener.”

You deserve an empty inbox your opening messages are “hi”, “hello”, “how are you?”, or anything similar. Read her profile and ask an open-ended question about something you see in her profile. If she likes to cook, for example, ask her “What’s your favorite dish to make?” Most men write bad opening messages. Separate yourself from the herd with a good question and toss in a little confidence and humor.

“hi:That is the most frustrating….I spend a,lot of time summarizing myself and the first message is just a hi,hello,how are you doing w/e…”

See above. You’d be shocked at how many men write “hi” as their first message.

“Putting the time and attention into a first message to someone you find interesting only to never hear a response back. I work a lot and on my days off I just want a bit of conversation. I don’t go in with anything but the expectation that I might get to talk to someone cool for a bit. It sucks but I realize women get so many messages.”

If you are putting in time and attention to a message you are overdoing it. Find something on her profile and ask questions. Don’t ask her something very personal like “Hey, what bar do you go to?” Hello, stalker! When you ask a question, give a little information about yourself. You are likely to get more responses if you share something. If she likes to travel, ask her what she enjoyed most and mention how you enjoyed something when you traveled last. Keep it simple and light. Don’t overthink it.

“People who ghost you. Like you have a great conversation and then they disappear. Especially when you pay and can see they read your last message.”

Unfortunately, this is going to happen. Communicating by computer has made it easy for people to treat members of the opposite sex as disposable. It’s easier for people to simply ignore someone instead of telling them they aren’t interested. It happens. Don’t let this online dating frustration get to you. Look at the positive, if she vanishes it’s best you find out now rather than later. Consider yourself lucky. Also, remember how it feels. Don’t disappear if you aren’t interested in a woman. Send her a message saying you aren’t interested and move on.

“Getting hit on by men 10-12 years younger than me. I’m a human being and don’t exist simply to satisfy your curiosity about “cougars” and/or indulge your mommy fetish.”

Read her profile and check that she’s looking for a man in your age range. If she isn’t, move on. Simple.

Final Thoughts

The longer you participate in online dating, you will either experience online dating frustration or cause it.

If you experience it, let it go. Never take your frustration out in emails to women or express negativity in your profiles when you are angry. It’s time to take a break from online dating. You can reevaluate how you present yourself and how you email women. Jump back in when you are ready.

Tweak your profile and messages. You’ll slowly discover what works and what doesn’t.

You may also cause women to pull out their hair by your behavior. Don’t “ghost” women. Show some respect and class and let a woman know if you aren’t interested instead of disappearing.