You’re Matched Up With A Woman Online. Now What?

You check your daily matches and some gorgeous girl catches your eye.  What do you do after you’re matched up with a woman?  Do you send them a message? Add them to your favorites?  Like them?  How do you make the first move without scaring her away?  Easy, send her a message.

You don’t want to blow it by so follow these 5 tips for your messages and you’re guaranteed to stand out in her inbox. Remember; the effort you put into your messages show women how serious you are about meeting them.

1. Do Recon On Her Dating Profile

Most guys use an approach in their message which I like to call, “boring elevator talk.” These are things you would say to someone you share an elevator with. Here’s an actual message:

Other Examples include:

• Hey
• How are you?
• Hi
• How’s your weekend?

These are boring conversation starters and don’t work.   They are low effort and show you’re lazy because you could care less about getting to know her and instead take the easy approach of using a non-engaging opening message.

Also, don’t comment on her photos.  Zoosk found men who comment on photos receive 25% fewer messages.  Commenting on photos is definitely better than using elevator talk but is still low effort because it shows you only care about her looks and aren’t taking the time to get to know more about her.

The best approach when you’re matched up with a woman is to read her profile so you can find something you have in common.   Finding things you have in common make it easier for you to start conversations.  So look for hobbies, passions, or interests you share with women.  It can be something as simple as music, a travel destination, or work.

2. Start A Conversation The Right Way

Once you identify things you share in common your next step is to craft your message and ask her an open-ended question.  Ask her a question about your chosen topic but structure it in a way she can’t answer with a simple “yes” or “no.” An easy way to do this is to tack on one of these to your question:

• Why
• How
• What
• Where

So, instead of asking a woman “Do you like to travel” you could write “What’s next on your traveling bucket list?  Why would you choose that specific place?”

Here’s an example of a message I sent to a woman recently when she shared she enjoyed cooking.  I enjoy cooking myself and decided to use that as a way to start a conversation.  You can follow the conversation flow below.

3. Be Positive In Your Messages

You get one chance to make a first impression so don’t blow it by coming off negative, needy, or annoying. Here’s a fact, POF found users with “positive” identifiers received 23% more incoming messages. You want women to smile and feel good about communicating with you.

Being negative in your message is a surefire way to being ignored.

4. Check Your Spelling And Grammar

Your messages are not the time for text lingo and misspelled words.  Bad grammar makes you appear uneducated or unintelligent and yes, it matters to women.  96% of women think grammar is essential and bad grammar is a turn-off in one Match.com survey of its members.

Zoosk polled 9,000 singles and found 72% were turned off by bad grammar and 48% consider bad grammar to be a deal-breaker.  You appear lazy when you send messages that are full of spelling errors.  Even worse, you look like you just don’t care.

I once had a woman respond to my message because I spelled “a lot” correctly. Women care about spelling so don’t ruin your chances by misspelling words.  Before you hit “send”, re-read your message as a safety precaution.

5. Be Direct

After a few messages ask her for her number and have a specific time and place to meet. You want to show confidence and not appear wishy-washy in your messages.

Women want a “man”, not some insecure guy who has no cajones.  Avoid using words like “if” or “maybe” in your messages.  An example would be “Let me know if you’re interested” or “Maybe we can meet this weekend if you’re free.”

Instead, just say “I know a place that has a great wine list.  Let’s meet for drinks Saturday night at 7.  Sound good?”  The sentence shows that you have a plan, a place, and a time.  Even if she can’t make it she’ll offer an alternative (as long as she’s interested).

Final Thoughts

When you’re matched up with a woman follow these 5 steps and you’ll stand out from all the other guys who are sending her messages:

1. Do recon on her dating profile.
2. Start a conversation the right way.
3. Be positive in your messages.
4. Check your spelling and grammar.
5. Be direct.

Make your first impression count!  You’ll be shocked how well you’ll do if you simply follow the 5 steps above.

If you want to know precisely how to ask a woman out, check out my blog post: How To Ask A Woman Out On A Dating Site In 3 Simple Steps.