Top Ten Popular Names According to a New Dating App

01/06/2016 by Dating Ninja Leave a Comment

What Are The Most Popular Names in Online Dating?

You have enough to worry about when it comes to dating apps; your pictures and how you write about yourself for example.

But what about your name?

A dating app, The Grade, looked at data from over 100,000 of it’s users and came up with a list of the most popular names that get the highest “like-rate” (swipe rights).

Let me be clear, your name has little to no impact to your success rate but it’s interesting to see what names do the best.

The top 10 “swiped” names for men and women are below.

Popular Names of Men on The Grade

Here are the top 10 names for men:

1. Brett
2. Tyler
3. Corey
4. Andy
5. Noah
6. Shane
7. Jeffrey
8. Rob
9. Frank
10. Jeff

Popular Names of Women on The Grade

Here are the top 10 names for women:

1. Brianna
2. Erika
3. Lexi
4. Brooke
5. Vanessa
6. April
7. Natalie
8. Jenna
9. Molly
10. Katie

Does This Study Matter?

The results of this study by the Grade is not scientific. If your name is in the top 10 it doesn’t mean you’ll have the most success.

There’s really no connection between your name and how successful you will be. Unless your first name is literally “Douchebag” don’t sweat it.

Good photos and a good profile will have more of an impact than your name.

If you want to see the complete list of popular names according to the Grade, you can see the results here.

Please leave a comment below because I’d like to hear what you think about this blog post.

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What Are First Message Blunders To Women On Dating Sites?

12/30/2015 by Dating Ninja 1 Comment

3 Common First Message Blunders Men Make With Women

Why don’t women respond to your messages? The reason is that you’re making mistakes in which kill any chance of success. The list of first message blunders is vast but there are 3 that will doom your response rates.

You get one chance to make a great first impression so don’t screw it up. Be sure you aren’t doing any of the blunders below.

1. Laziness

Topping the list of the biggest first message blunders is putting forth very little effort. Examples include one-word messages like these:

hey
hi
hello
how are you?
what’s up?
how’s it going?
what are you up to?

Women receive messages like these daily.

I know a lot of guys think it’s a numbers game so it’s easier to simply write one of these types of messages and maybe if they’re lucky, they’ll get a response or two. That’s the wrong approach.

Lazy messages are a bad idea because they rarely, if ever, work. These messages show women you could care less about getting to know them and you’re just another jerk online.

Sending messages that are low effort shows the amount of effort you’ll put into a relationship which is none. Don’t do it.

2. Physical Complements

Stay away from complimenting a woman’s looks. It’s a terrible approach and shows you just value a woman’s looks. Attractive women receive messages like this by the bunch:

Keep words like these out of your messages:

beautiful
sexy
hot
attractive
gorgeous
stunning
cute

Dude, women get called these so much they come across as what they are; pickup lines. Congratulations, by complementing a woman’s looks you’ve immediately thrown yourself in with the group of guys who do the same thing which means your chances of getting a response is zero.

And don’t try to crowbar a compliment into your message. As an example, don’t start an actual conversation than at the end of your message tell her how hot she is. It never works. Again, she’ll roll her eyes and think to herself, “Great. Another guy who just cares about my looks.” And in that instant, any hope you had of starting a conversation is gone.

3. I Recognize You

Never tell a girl you recognize her from another dating site. In fact, don’t bring it up in the second, third, or any message period. There are several reasons why:

It can put them on the defensive.
It looks like you have nothing original to say.
It looks like you are some sort of online dating stalker.

The woman knows she’s on a dating site and doesn’t need you pointing it out. It’s a bad first impression.

Redditors Weigh In On Calling Women Out For Being On Other Dating Sites

I asked Redditors if it’s OK to call out a girl if you’ve seen her on another dating site and these women are spot on as to why you should never do it. Here are their responses:

“You talk about things you have in common because it starts a conversation. How’s the “I saw you on Tinder too” conversation supposed to go?”

“I was chatting with someone on OKC and also online POF at the same time. He sent me a message on POF that said “gotcha”. It creeped me out, I mean I had only been chatting for about 2 messages on OKC and he was already acting like I was cheating whore.”

“I don’t mind when guys mention it. He’s obviously on those other sites too. For the most part though, it’s guys writing me on one asking why I didn’t write them back on the other. So while I don’t “mind” it, it isn’t a conversation starter.”

“You’ve never asked someone in real life, “Hey, didn’t I see you at Joe’s party last Saturday?” Or “Weren’t you at the XYZ concert?”.”

“I don’t see the point in saying anything.”

“…he used it to essentially say, “You’re looking in all these different places so you’re clearly desperate, why don’t you just give me a chance?”

“I didn’t care, but I could see why it’s a pointless and annoying thing to point out.”

Final Thoughts

Your first message to women can make or break you. You’re shooting yourself in the foot if you commit any of these first message blunders:

Being lazy in your first message.
Complimenting a woman’s looks.
Calling a woman out for being on multiple dating sites.

These are horrible icebreakers. A better approach is to comment on something you read in her dating profile.

What are Liberal and Conservative Dating Preferences?

12/21/2015 by Dating Ninja Leave a Comment

Liberal and Conservative Dating Preferences

How do you present yourself on your dating profile when it comes to politics? Does it affect your results?

The answer to this is yes, your political beliefs do impact your results.

But to what extent?

And what are liberal dating preferences and conservative dating preferences online? What do each look for in a partner?

According to a new study liberals and conservatives look for partners who are similar to themselves.

What Liberals and Conservatives Seek In Online Dating Study

The study, The Dating Preferences of Liberals and Conservatives, looked at dating profiles in 313 zip codes in the United States. The first five profiles of men and women were chosen within a ten-mile radius of each zip code.

2,944 profiles were used to determine the liberal and conservative dating preferences in the United States.

The data collected allowed them to compare how each individual described themselves across a number of profile characteristics; including race, religion, body type, education, income, relationship status, desire to have children, etc..

The data then showed how each dater’s stated characteristics compared to the characteristics of their ideal date.

Online Dating Study Results

When the results were tallied and analyzed, the 2,944 participants were broken down into the following political groupings:

Very Liberal – 1.6% of participants
Liberal – 8.8% of participants
Middle of the road – 56.6% of participants
Conservative – 15.5% of participants
Ultra-conservative – 1.5% of participants
Non-conformist – 2.0% of participants
Some other viewpoint – 11.0% of participants
No answer – 3.2% of participants.

The study speculated that the majority of people chose “middle of the road” in order to maximize their potential partners, meaning that people choose a neutral answer in order to reduce the risk of potential partners who would bypass their profile due to their political preference.

The study found, regardless of ideology, daters want a partner that shares their characteristics.

Liberals and conservative dating choices gravitate to people preferring to date others who are like themselves.

In addition to finding people tend to seek someone like themselves, the table shows that conservative daters are more likely to be males and are less likely to belong to a “racial or ethnic minority group.”

Liberals are younger, less likely to have been married, and less likely to have children. The study suggests that the liberal group of daters advances at a “different pace in the life course” than the conservative group of daters.

While liberals are better educated than conservatives, this does not translate into any detectable “income disparities between the two groups.”

More Study Findings

Aside from the finding the liberal and conservative dating preferences above, the study found more interesting facts.

Older, white, and more wealthy daters are more open to dating individuals with a different relationship status than their own.

Those who have never been married are more likely to want to date someone else who has also never been married.

Women and more well-educated daters tend to want a partner who shares their tobacco usage.

The results for race/ethnicity indicate that women, Whites, and Blacks are more likely to assort positively on race/ethnicity (the magnitude of this propensity is twice as large for
Whites).

Daters with larger incomes are more open to dating outside of their race.

Women are more likely to desire a date who shares their physique than men.

White and more well-educated daters are more willing to date outside of their own body type.

Final Thoughts

The liberal and conservative dating preference among online daters is to seek partners who are like themselves.

We want someone who shares our same interests, beliefs, and values.

If you truly want to find someone you will be compatible with you should fill out your dating profile with honest answers including your political beliefs.

As I have discussed in a blog post, women view men as more attractive when they share the same political beliefs.

You may find a better match by indicating your political preference!

Please leave a comment below for the liberal and conservative dating preferences because I’d like to hear your opinion.

Democrat Donkey Boxer And Republican Elephant Mascot Cartoon courtesy of at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A Simple Life Expectancy Test Can Predict Your Lifespan

12/16/2015 by Dating Ninja Leave a Comment

A Simple Life Expectancy Test Can Predict Your Life Span

This life expectancy test is easy depending on your level of fitness, flexibility and balance; stand up then sit down on the floor.

This test is based on the findings in a study, “Ability to Sit and Rise from the Floor as a Predictor of All-Cause Mortality”, which discovered a link between standing up and sitting down and your life span.

Here’s how you do the test: You start with 10 points and deduct 1/2 a point for each time you lose your balance and one point for each knee or hand you use for support.

Here’s how to do the life expectancy test:

Life Expectancy Test Study

The study was carried out from 1997 to 2011 and was comprised of 2002 individuals, 1356 of which were men(67.7%). The participants were between 51 and 80 years old at the time of their evaluation.

The participants were followed from the date they each performed the test until October 2011, or until the date they died if they did happen to die.

The SRT (Sitting-Rising Test) was performed on a non-slippery flat surface with the subject standing barefoot and wearing clothing that did not restrict body movements. Before the SRT, the evaluator instructed: “Without worrying about the speed of movement, try to sit and then to rise from the floor, using the minimum support that you believe is needed.”

The people performed the SRT to and from the floor which was scored from 0 to 5 with one point being subtracted from 5 for each support used (hand/knee). An additional 0.5 point was subtracted if the evaluator perceived an “unsteady execution” (partial loss of balance) occurring during the action.

The final SRT score, varying from 0 to 10, was obtained by adding sitting and rising scores arranged in four categories for analysis: 0–3; 3.5–5.5, 6–7.5, and 8–10

Study Results

6 years after the tests were concluded, 159 of the participants had died (7.9% of participants).

Lower SRT (Sitting-Rising Test) scores were associated with higher death rates.

People who scored fewer than eight points on the test were twice as likely to die within the next six years compared with those who scored higher.

Participants who scored three or fewer points were more than five times as likely to die within the same period compared with those who scored more than eight points.

Each unit increase in SRT score saw a 21% improvement in survival.

As you can see in the photo, the survival rate in the four SRT categories differed significantly.

The death rate decreased with the higher SRT scores.

Final Thoughts

The first time I read the study, I tried this life expectancy test. Apparently I could die any day according to the life expectancy test; I scored a 5.

I work out 5 days a week and am not flexible so I had some work to do.

After a few weeks of my P90X2 Yoga DVD, I was able to get a score of 7.

I saw improvement because I increased my flexibility.

I’m not sure how accurate this type of test really is though because I increased my score after a few weeks.

Try it yourself. Find your score.

If you don’t score well you’ll have some motivation to workout and improve your score.

Please leave a comment below or results for the life expectancy test because I’d like to hear your results.

“Time For A Break!” Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Do Taller Men Have The Most Sex

12/09/2015 by Dating Ninja Leave a Comment

Taller Men and Number of Sexual Partners

So taller men make more money, are more attractive to women, and have healthier hearts.

It doesn’t take a study to show women prefer taller men. You can see this on any woman’s dating profile:

Women Prefer Tall Men in Online Dating

One study found taller men were more likely to be selected for dates at speed dating events and in another study of personal ads, shorter men were less likely to be contacted than other men.

According to one study, women prefer taller men because height is a “cue to dominance, social status, access to resources, and heritable fitness….”

You would think that all this means that taller men get laid more than us shorter guys.

I’m here to tell you that taller men DON’T have more sex except when compared to very short men.

A new study found there was no significant difference among men except for very short men who reported fewer partners than other men.

Height and Sex Association Study

The study, “Height and Body Mass on the Mating Market: Associations With Number of Sex Partners and Extra-Pair Sex Among Heterosexual Men and Women Aged 18–65“, examined height, education, age, ethnicity, and body mass index (BMI) as predictors of sexual history among men and women.

The primary goal of this study was to determine if height is linked to sexual history for men.

An online survey was analyzed for the study. The survey was advertised as the “ELLE / MSNBC.com Sex and Love Survey designed for both men and women” in order to attract a diverse group of participants.

Over 60,000 men and women participated with the average age being 37 years old. 52% of the participants were men.

Participants were asked “how tall are you” and were given a drop-down menu where they could record their height from 4’10” or under to 6’7”+.

The study broke down the height into the following categories for men:

Very short: 5’2”–5’4”; 1% of participants.
Short: 5’5”–5’7”; 9% of participants.
Average: 5’8”–5’10”; 33% of participants.
Tall: 5’11”–6’1”; 40% of participants.
Very tall: 6’2”–6’4”; 15% of participants.
Extremely tall: 6’5”+; 2% of participants.

Participants were asked “In total, since you’ve been sexually active, about how many sex partners have you had?”

Study Results

The study hypothesized taller men would have more sexual partners but the study found that there was little difference in the average number of sex partners across most of the height range with the exception of very short men.

If you look at the graph below you’ll see that there’s no large difference for men in how many partners they have except when men are 5’4″ or shorter.

Male Height and Sex Partners

The study concluded that height was a “weak but statistically significant predictor of number of sex partners in the overall sample, with height being linked to higher sex partner number more so at the lower end of the height continuum than at the higher end.”

In other words, height makes no difference for how many sex partners men have unless the men happen to be short. Shorter guys have much less sex according to the study.

Final Thoughts

Why do women prefer taller guys?

Maybe because height is a cue to certain genetic benefits that being tall may provide.

Maybe height is associated with dominance, masculinity, and power.

So tall guys are more attractive to women, have better jobs and make more money, at least they aren’t having more sex than the rest of us.

Well, unless of course, you’re short. Then you’re out of luck.

Please leave a comment below because I’d like to hear what you think.

A Dinner Date May Make Women More Open to Romance

12/02/2015 by Dating Ninja 1 Comment

A Dinner Date Can Get You a Second Date

Which do you prefer for a first date? A cocktail, coffee, or a dinner date?

I always recommend drinks, but a new study shows that a dinner date may strike her romantic chords.

Why?

Apparently a woman’s brain responds more to romance on a full stomach than an empty one according to the study.

Food and Romance Study

The study, “The way to her heart? Response to romantic cues is dependent on hunger state and dieting history: An fMRI pilot study” conducted by Drexel University found that a dinner date may fuel a woman’s passion.

20 women participated in the study. Half the women had fasted for at least 8 hours and half the women had eaten something.

After fasting for 8 hours, the women were hooked on an MRI scanner and shown images; some of the photos were neutral like a bowling ball while other photos depicted romance like a couple embracing or holding hands.

The women then drank a 500-calorie meal replacement shake and were hooked up to the MRI machine again and shown the same images. The result was that these women were far more responsive to the romantic pictures.

The study found that the women whose stomachs were full were more turned on by the romantic photos than the women who were still hungry.

Why? One of the study’s authors suggested that food makes us content.

We all need food. Food is our number one priority but study co-author Alice Ely, Ph.D. states, “Once the hunger’s gone, sex and romance become more interesting.”

Final Thoughts

The sample size of the study was only 20 people. Not exactly definitive proof that a dinner date is the way to go, but hey, it’s a start.

I still recommend drinks or coffee because there is NOTHING worse than having to sit through dinner when there’s no connection. It’s awkward and time drags on seemingly forever. Don’t forget the added cost. Save the dinner date for the second time you hang out.

However, if you do choose to have dinner as your first date don’t forget to choose a table with flowers because women may find you more attractive when you are near flowers.

Please leave a comment below because I’d like to hear what you think about first date mistakes that men make.

Young Smiling Couple Enjoying Meals image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Are The Worst First Date Mistakes Men Make With Women?

11/23/2015 by Dating Ninja Leave a Comment

7 First Date Mistakes You Must Avoid

First impressions are critical on a date! Make your’s count and don’t blow your chances by making blunders. Here’s a list of 7 of the worst first date mistakes guys make which CRUSH any hope for a second date.

Yes, first dates can be nerve-wracking. Women judge everything. Your actions, words, appearance, and everything else are under a microscope. Make one mistake and it’s game over.

Don’t end your date with the dreaded handshake or the token hug. If you want a second date, avoid any of the first date mistakes below which can doom your chances for that second date.

1. Lack of Confidence

The biggest mistake you can make is to be agreeable, wishy-washy, or appear weak. According to Match.com, 84% of women will routinely watch you for your confidence level.

Keep a confident mindset throughout the date:

Sit erect.
Absolutely no slouching.
Maintain eye contact but don’t be creepy.
Challenge her but don’t be confrontational.
When ordering appetizers or drinks don’t ask her what she’s having before making a decision for yourself.

For example, as you look over the menu ask her if she’s allergic to anything or what food she dislikes. Once you know, say, “OK, let’s order a couple of appetizers. I’ll choose one and you choose one.” Then you choose what you want and let her choose the other.

Women love men who make a decision and are assertive. Even if you aren’t naturally confident, fake it until you make it.

2. Not Smiling

When you meet flash those pearly whites. 81% of women will judge you by your smile. You know you should floss and brush regularly; so do it. It matters to women.

If your teeth are the color of margarine it’s time to whiten your teeth. If teeth whitening by your dentist is too expensive you can buy a home whitening kit or at least some strips for a temporary fix.

Be sure you keep your smile longer than shorter in duration. A study by School of Psychology at Cardiff University found that a smile that happens slowly or a “slow onset smile” produced more positive feelings by the other person looking at you. You will be seen as more attractive and more trustworthy to women.

3. Failing To “Dress to Impress”

Match.com found one of the biggest first date mistakes made by men is their choice in attire. A Match.com survey found 7 out of 10 women will look at your clothing and judge as to whether or not you are a “suitable mate.” USA Today published results of a survey where 58% of single women judge you on your choice of clothes.

As soon as a woman sees you she will judge you based on your clothes. Yes, this means before you even open your mouth to say “hello” she’s judging you. Wear something nice when you meet. Something stylish.

This, of course, depends on where you are meeting. If you are meeting for happy hour at a nice place you should wear something nice.

You don’t have to be Mr. GQ and wear a suit but you know what nice clothes are. Ditch the Hurley t-shirt and torn jeans. The Match.com survey recommends you wear a fine V-neck sweater, a crisp, button-down shirt, and tailored dark wash jeans for a sharp look.

If you are meeting for happy hour at a place like Applebee’s, you can dress down but you don’t want to appear to be a slob. You want to be presentable.

If you have female friends ask them for advice. I have zero fashion sense. I have no problem taking a female friend with me when I buy clothes. You should do the same.

If you can’t get a female to go with you, have one on call so you can try clothes on and take a picture then send a selfie to ask her opinion.

4. Bad Language

This isn’t about swearing, it’s about your grammar. 90% of women will judge you by how you speak. A poll by USA today found 69% of women judge you on grammar as well. Use proper English. Communicate like an adult.

You don’t have to quote Shakespeare here, but you should come across as having command of the vocabulary.

Intelligence is a turn on to women so you must show you have command of the English language. Reading books can help improve your communication. Think before you speak; don’t be the guy who says the first thing that comes into your head. Take a moment and pay attention to what you’re about to say. This could help avoid putting your foot in your mouth.

5. Your Shoes

Women not only judge your clothes but also what’s on your feet; your shoes. Footwear designer Allen Edmonds surveyed 1,000 American men and women and found women judge a man’s shoes twice as much as men judge women’s. They also found:

64% of women judge a man’s fashion sense based on his shoes.
52% of women say they judge a man’s personality by his shoes.
36% say they use shoes to determine a man’s financial position.
54% say men’s shoes reflect a guy’s attention to detail.

Leave the Converse or Vans at home; a nice pair of shoes is your best option. You can wear a nice pair of black loafers. They work with everything. Be sure to shine them beforehand because when people get nervous, they tend to look down.

So, if she looks at your shoes and sees scuffed dirty shoes, you won’t make a good impression. And don’t wear sandals unless you’re meeting at the beach.

6. Keep Your Phone In Your Pants Pocket

Checking your phone is one of the worst first date mistakes men make according to Match.com. 75% of women see checking your phone as a turnoff.

Would you be annoyed if a woman and was constantly checking her phone on a date with you? Hell yes, you would. It’s disrespectful. So show her some respect and keep your phone in your pocket.

Checking your phone shows you aren’t interested in her. This is the last thing you want her to think. Unless you are a doctor on call, put your phone on Airplane mode and keep it in your pocket until the date is over.

7. Showing Up LateArrive on Time

Never be “fashionably late” to your first date. In fact, don’t be one minute late. First impressions are everything and another of the biggest first date mistakes a guy can make is to show up late.

Showing up late on your first date sends a bad message; she isn’t a priority. If you can’t make it to your first date on time, she’ll think you won’t be there when she really needs you. Remember, women analyze everything on the first date so be timely.

Also, you should meet her outside wherever your date is. If it’s coffee, drinks, food, or some sort of venue, meet her out front. You want to meet her out front and so you can guide her in instead of having her look for you in some crowded bar or restaurant.

Lastly, I know sometimes things happen and you may end up late regardless. Maybe traffic is bad, there’s an accident, or you forgot you had to stop and get gas for your car. Things out of your control may happen.

If they do, call her and give her a heads up before your meeting time. If she’s already there call the hostess and ask her to bring your date a glass of wine. It shows you care.

Please leave a comment below because I’d like to hear what you think about first date mistakes that men make.

What is Good First Date Advice for Men?

11/18/2015 by Dating Ninja Leave a Comment

First Date Advice for Men

You’ve put in all the work necessary to set up your first date with that hot girl from Match.com

You created a great dating profile, traded a few messages, got her number, and set up the first date. Now comes time for the date itself.

First impressions are everything. You need to show her you’re a real man and not another entry in her long list of sad sack losers she’s met in the past.

If you want to get a kiss or take her home at the end of the night instead of a handshake, follow my first date advice below.

1. Don’t Be a Nice Guy

Some first date advice you should already know is to stop being a nice guy.

This was my biggest problem when I started dating.

Yes, I was the “nice guy”. I was there to lend an ear and be completely polite and agreeable. When the date ended, I got the dreaded handshake or the occasional hug.

I learned quickly that being nice get you nowhere.

I’m sure you’ve seen women who write on their dating profiles they want a “nice guy”.

That’s bull-you-know-what.

You don’t need to a nice guy to get the girl.

It doesn’t mean you should be a jerk.

It means to be confident and assertive. Manners are important but don’t be a wuss.

A study by “ The Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin ” found men are less attractive if they seem too caring.

This means to listen to her but don’t OVERDO it when it comes to sharing your feelings. If you do, you run the risk of being a “nice guy”.

And we all know the equation:

Nice Guy = NO Attraction = NO chance = NO sex

My first date advice is to tease her, challenge her, have fun with her. Just don’t sit there and agree with everything she says.

2. Have a plan

Assume the woman you are meeting is going to have a good time and want to continue the date with you.

My second piece of first date advice is to pick a place that has other fun, interesting things within walking distance so that you can continue the date.

I live in San Diego. There are plenty of neighborhoods that have bars, museums, yogurt shops, pool halls, etc.., all near each other.

I would always set a first date at a bar and if it went well, would continue the date to another bar, shoot some pool, walk along the beach, explore an art museum, etc…

You get the idea; pick an area where there are other things you can do after you meet. Something centrally located so that you have options.

3. Be Punctual

My third piece of first date advice is to never be “fashionably late”. In fact, don’t be late period! Be early.

First impressions are everything.

If you show up late you are sending a bad message that she isn’t a priority.

If you are late to your first date, she’ll think you won’t be there when she really needs you.

Remember, women analyze everything about you on the first date so be on time.

Also, you should meet her outside wherever your date is.

If it’s coffee, drinks, food, or some sort of venue, meet her out front.

Don’t make her look for you in some crowded bar or restaurant. Be a man and meet her out front and then you can guide her in.

And lastly, I know sometimes things happen and you may end up late regardless.

Maybe traffic is bad, there’s an accident, or you forgot you needed gas and had to stop and fill up your tank. Things out of your control may happen.

If they do, CALL her and give her a heads up before your meeting time.

If she’s already there call the hostess and ask her to bring your date a glass of wine. It shows you care.

4. Behave!

Another piece of first date advice is you should be on good behavior on the first date.

This doesn’t mean to be agreeable and a wimp (see “nice guy” section above).

It means to be a gentleman.

Give her the best seat when you sit down. Typically this is where she faces the entire room.

If you order a bottle of wine, invite her to taste it first.

Don’t get DRUNK! Limit yourself to a drink or two. Let me repeat, NEVER get drunk.

If you order a drink get a glass of water too. Be sure to order her a glass of water as well. Be a gentleman remember?

Every time you take a sip of your drink, take a sip to two sips of water. It will help pace yourself.

When you get up to use the restroom say “Excuse me” first. You won’t believe how many men get up and say “I gotta go to the bathroom” without excusing themselves. Show some class.

Be polite to the staff. There’s no need to be rude. Being an asshole is never impressive.

If something is wrong with your order handle it immediately but be positive with the staff.

If you order food, offer her a bite of your food but do not take from her plate unless she offers.

Behaviors like these will separate you from the rest of the guys who blow it on their first date.

5. You Pay for the First Date

My last piece of first date advice is that you pay for the first date if you ask her out.

I always suggest drinks or coffee. Nothing more. An appetizer or two is cool if you are comfortable with that but never dinner.

If you decide to take a woman to dinner for a first date that’s your call. Choose a place that fits within your financial means.

Remember, you are paying for the first date. Splitting a bill on the first date sends the message “friend zone”.

Most women will offer to pay, maybe even reach for their purse. If they do offer you some money, don’t get offended and definitely don’t take her money.

This is where “having a plan” from above comes in handy. You can simply tell her “I got the drinks here, you can get me a drink at the bar next door” or “I got the drinks, you get the first game of pool down the street.”

I’ve never had a woman respond “no.”

Good luck!

Please leave a comment below because I’d like to hear what you think about my first date advice.

First Date Advice Photos:
“Let’s Celebrate. Young Couple – Man And Woman” image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
“First Date Calendar Displays Seeing Somebody And Romance” image courtesy of at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Top 5 Dating Profile Mistakes Men Make in Online Dating

11/11/2015 by Dating Ninja Leave a Comment

Common Dating Profile Mistakes Made by Men

The list is long when it comes to mistakes men make with their dating profile.

I send a weekly email out with tips for online dating. I’ve created numerous blog posts including a post about online dating red flags according to women on Reddit. I’m even creating a course to help men create the best dating profile possible.

Men make mistake after mistake on their dating profiles. After seeing all of these dating profile mistakes, I decided to help you by creating a list of the top 5 dating profiles mistakes that men make in online dating.

Saying Nothing

Have you heard the phrase “Silence is golden”?

That may be true under some circumstances, but it’s definitely not true when it comes to your dating profile.

One of the most common dating profile mistakes for men is writing nothing about yourself on your dating profile.

Below are examples that took me SECONDS to find on Match.com and POF. Note how they say NOTHING about the person.

When you write about yourself share your passions. Describe it, don’t just show it.

Paint a picture to show your varied interests which will generate interest in your dating profile.

Your Longest Relationship is Too Short

Dating sites like POF have profile settings that show your longest relationship. If you are in your 30’s and your longest relationship is a year, you’ll scare women away. This screams commitment issues to women.

I was one of these guys who didn’t have relationships that lasted longer than a year when I was younger. Relationships to me were like Kryptonite to Superman. Yeah, I had issues. Every single woman I went on dates with would ask me “What’s your longest relationship?”

I’m sure you’ve been asked the same question on a date. It’s the “go to” question for women which they all ask at some point on a date. I would always respond that I was focusing on my career which left little time for dating. That explanation always worked.

So tread lightly when discussing your longest relationship if it’s a year or two. You can get around this saying you were too busy focusing on your career, or focused on education, went on adventures, were in Greenpeace, etc…

You Are Out of a Recent Relationship

Mentioning that you are fresh out of a relationship is another entry on the list of dating profile mistakes that you need to avoid. Never share that you just ended a relationship on your dating profile.

Don’t be the guy who writes this:

“I recently ended my relationship and am not looking for anything serious…”

or this guy;

“I ended my 3-year relationship last month and am here to check things out..”

If this is you, remove it immediately.

Women don’t want a guy on the rebound. She will simply pass you over for some other guy. You need time to heal so it’s best to focus on other things in your life right now.

This goes both ways, though.

If a woman mentions she just got out of a relationship or is going through a divorce, you should pass on her if you are seeking a serious relationship.

Most women in that situation aren’t ready for something serious and you may risk hurting yourself in the process if you are actually seeking a relationship.

On the flip side, if you are seeking a hookup, these are the women you want to contact because they typically aren’t seeking anything serious right away. Be aware that women who say they aren’t looking for anything serious will receive a ton of emails from men so you’ll have your work cut out for you.

You Are Negative

Negative comments on your dating profile are another example of dating profile mistakes made by men.

Plentyoffish found that users with positive identifiers in their profile received 23% more incoming messages.

Avoid anything negative in your dating profile.

Here are examples of negative dating profile mistakes from actual profiles:

“….however if you’re a vegetarian or have any objections to zoo’s, marine life parks and aquariums we probably aren’t a match…”

“….If you are a smoker or drug user, I am not interested….”

“In short, I’m not here to waste your time, so please don’t waste mine.”

“I am done playing games, looking for genuine people and quality not quantity.”

You can see by the language of these dating profile mistakes that they are negative. You don’t need to list what doesn’t interest you, or tell someone they aren’t your match or focus on negative qualities you aren’t looking for.

Focus on the positive traits you seek in a woman.

Not Enough Profile Pictures

One of the most common dating profile mistakes is having 1 or 2 pictures in your dating profile portfolio.

Below are two profiles from POF:

You want to have 8 – 10 pictures on your dating profile.

The more profile pictures you have, the more likely you’ll receive messages from women. Plentyoffish users with at least 10 images on their profile receive 8 times more messages.

48% of women pick a date based on looks according to a study by University College London.

You should have 8 pictures minimum. And you should have no selfies, no pictures of any women in your picture, pictures of objects like cars/boats/motorcycles, pictures of pets. You should be in every picture on your dating profile.

Final Thoughts

Your dating profile says nothing about who you are.
Your longest relationship is too short.
You just got out of a relationship.
Your profile is negative.
You don’t have enough photos on your profile.

Please leave a comment below because I’d like to hear what you think about this post as well as any dating profile mistakes you have made in the past.

3 Good Conversation Starters for Online Dating Messages To Women

11/04/2015 by Dating Ninja Leave a Comment

What Are Good Conversation Starters On Dating Sites?

After analyzing over 500,000 messages, OkCupid has found 3 good conversation starters you should use in messages to women on dating sites. When used by men, these phrases received the most responses from women and will certainly help boost your responses as well when used correctly.

The worst initial message you can send a woman on a dating site would be one or two words such as "Hi,", "Hey," or "Hello there" just like these guys:

What is the worst opening message on a dating site?

These are NOT good conversation starters with women. You may as well write, "I have nothing to say, am boring, and lack confidence. Please don't reply to my message."

Women will delete your email immediately if you send a one or two-word opening message. And believe me, the majority of men send lame openings like this:

Bad Opening Conversation Starter To Women

You can see even lousier opening messages in my blog post, The Top 5 Worst Online Dating Messages To Women, that you should avoid sending to women. But what are good conversation starters that do get responses?

3 Phrases That Get The Most Responses From Women

OkCupid has come to the rescue. OkCupid analyzed over 500,000 emails and found the phrases that had the highest success rate for replies to your messages. What did they find? Mentioning common interests is the way to go.

OkCupid points out that "talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection....." and they have proof that it works.

OkCupid found several phrases that get high response rates. The top 3 that got the most replies are:

"You Mention"
"Good Taste"
"Noticed That"

They are all easy to use but to help you out; I'm going to give you some examples.

Good Conversation Starters - Example 1

Here's part of a woman's dating profile I found on POF in San Diego. She had a rather lengthy "About Me" section so I'm only including part of what she wrote:

"I've lived all over! I'm originally from Colorado (yep I'm a Broncos fan), I grew up in Australia and went to college in Paris. I've tried out both coasts and as much fun as NYC is I just was not a fan of the weather. The weather here is much better!!!"

The woman was 38 years old and beautiful so you can be sure she gets a ton of emails from men. The football comment is an easy in; just refer to it jokingly. Don’t talk crap about someone’s team. Mockingly make fun of yours or a different bad team. Trust me, it works.

Using the 3 phrases from OkCupid:

1. You Mention:

“You mention you’re a Broncos fan. I’m a Raiders fan myself so I’m not sure if it will work out between us because I hear Broncos fans are really rowdy and fight a lot unlike our fans who are peaceful and hold hands between plays”.

2. Good Taste:

"I started reading your profile and thought “Wow, finally a woman with good taste,” then I saw you liked the Broncos. Why on Earth would you like a team that has been so consistently good when you can like a team like the Buccaneers who continually dominate at mediocrity?"

3. Noticed That:

"I noticed that you’re a fan of the Broncos. Did you lose a bet because clearly, you should be supporting a winning organization like the Jaguars?"

It doesn't matter which team it is. If she likes a winning team; pick the polar opposite and use it as an opening.

Good Conversation Starters - Example 2

The woman also mentioned in her profile that she lived in NYC and preferred the West Coast over the East Coast. You could use this approach:

1. You Mention:

"You mention how much better the weather is here on the West Coast. You mean to tell me you don't like humidity, snowstorms and shoveling ice off your car window in freezing temperatures? Be honest, you don't miss it?"

2. Good Taste and Noticed That

"I noticed that you chose the West Coast over the East Coast; obviously you have good taste but I want to know do you prefer West Coast pizza over East Coast pizza. And have you found a good East Coast pizza joint here that you could recommend because I haven't found a good one."

That's right; I knocked out two phrases in one email.

Good Conversation Starters - Example 3

Here's another profile I found on POF with words you have no doubt seen before: "I enjoy experimenting with new recipes, a nice glass of wine while listening to music or reading, going to concerts..."

Here is how you could craft an opening message:

1. You Mention and Good Taste

"You mention you enjoy a nice glass of wine. I love a good Cabernet. Are you a fan of red wine or white wine? What's your favorite wine? Clearly, a woman of good taste, I don't expect you to say Franzia. It will never work out between us if you do. :-)"

2. Noticed That

"I noticed that you enjoy experimenting in the kitchen with new recipes. Where do you find these recipes? I am always on the lookout for healthy recipes and am on the Food Network site and Nom Nom Paleo constantly. What's your signature dish? My go-to dish is Basil Chicken and it's rated highly on Yelp! ha!"

OkCupid Conversation Starter - What To Look For On A Woman's Dating Profile

I recommend finding something you have in common and show women you share that interest. Most men write "We have things in common." That isn't effective as actually showing it.

In this example, you can see the woman share a wealth of information about herself on her dating profile. I focus on comment about her love of Asian food.

What to look for to start a conversation with women

This is the message I wrote:

"Hi Suri, You mention you enjoy Asian food. So, what's your go-to dish? What puts a smile on your face? I love Thai food and the spicier the better. Chicken...fish...beef...I don't care! Just make sure it's hot! :-)"

Now, I showed we have common interest by sharing I like Thai food. The end results? She responds!

The woman respond and even complimented me; "I like your verbal vibe."

The last thing she does is ask me a question back which is a great sign. My initial email starts the conversation.

OkCupid Conversation Starter - What To Look For When A Woman Has A Short Bio

When you encounter women who write little about themselves. don't comment on photos. You can start conversations with these women by selecting topics on their profile and using the phrases above to show you read their dating profile.

In this example, this woman shares next to nothing as you can see below. You just have to focus on specific keywords to start the conversation.

How to comment on a woman's profile on OkCupid

Here is the message I wrote her:

"Hi Frances, You mention you enjoy "I Am Legend." Have you seen the alternate version of the movie? I think I like it more. I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it, but I highly recommend it.

Oh, and I see you "think" you can beat me at Scrabble. I'll have you know I'm undefeated!!! :-)"

Now, if you've been paying attention you may notice that I used the phrase "I see." I'll go into this later but basically, you can use any phrase which shows women you read her profile. In this case, "I see" does the job for me because I got a response to my message.

And as a side note, the woman below thanked me for reading her profile.

How to break the ice with women on OkCupid

How To Start A Conversation With Women Who Have An Empty Profile

How do you write a message to a woman who has an empty dating profile? Easy! Use the phrase "noticed that" to show women you attempted to read their dating profile.

In this example I wrote, "Hi, I noticed your bio is empty so what do you enjoy doing on the weekend? What kind of hobbies?"

You can see the woman below responded which is what you want; to start a conversation.

How to start a conversation on OkCupid with women who have blank profiles

More Conversation Starters In Action

Here are a few screenshots of me putting these 3 phrases in action. Tell women you noticed their profile was blank. Take a look:

How to get replies from women on OkCupid

You don't need to limit your message to the three phrases above. Use any phrase that shows women you read their profile. In the example below I used the phrase "I see" and got a response.

Final Thoughts

“You Mention,” “Good Taste," and “Noticed That” are all good conversation starters that you can use in messages to women. These phrases are great because they show the woman you've read her profile. The words themselves point out that you read her dating profile which is why they are so effective.

Also, you can use other phrases which show you're read her profile. My personal favorite is "I see." Others include "You wrote" and "I saw." The key is to use phrases which show women you took the time to get to know her by reading her dating profile.

Keep these other points in the back of your mind as you craft your messages to women:

Don't be too serious in your messages.
Come across as charming and humorous.
Be modest but show confidence.
Don’t be afraid to poke fun at yourself a bit, but at the same time don’t be a total clown.
For goodness sakes don’t be agreeable. Give her a little nudge but don't be insulting.

The last thing you want to do is compliment a woman on her looks. NEVER compliment a woman on her appearance. I talked about why in another blog post, "Why Men Must Avoid Physical Compliments With Women On Dating Sites."

Please leave a comment below because I’d like to hear what you think about these good conversation starters to women. If you have any others, feel free to share.

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