Don't Send Desperate Messages To Women
Never send desperate messages to women on dating apps. It's a surefire way for you to be immediately rejected. A common problem with men is sending messages which instantly turn women off because they reek of desperation.
I've discussed how to craft great icebreakers on a post here; What Are Good Online Dating First Message Tips For Men? Unfortunately, most men send bad opening messages to women.
There are many traits you can show in your icebreaker; confidence, humor, modesty, and curiosity about the woman you're messaging. The last thing you want to show is how needy you are.
Below are the most common way of showing desperation in messages to women. Double-check if you're guilty of any of these disastrous approaches because it appears most men don't realize they come across as desperate.
Message tip: Never ask women why they aren't interested in you.
1. Asking needless questions.
Don't ask women questions which show you are needy and insecure. I shouldn't have to explain why, but the cringe-worthy messages below show women one thing; the guys are insecure.
Read the messages below from POF out loud; "Talk to me?" Why on earth would a woman agree to talk to this man? No woman would.
"What can I do to take you out for dinner?" Oh boy, no connection exists. No chemistry. Nothing. The guy is a total stranger, and no woman is going to agree to a date right off the bat.
This may be one of the worst opening icebreakers a man can use.
Don't ask women out in your first message.
2. Avoid words which show a lack of confidence.
Women respond to men who are positive and know what they want — men who are secure in themselves and exude confidence. Unfortunately, a lot of guys fail to show any confidence.
One of the top desperate messages to women is asking women for permission to have a conversation. Avoid these words at all cost:
- if
- maybe
- would
- perhaps
- can
- could
I've seen tons of men write messages such as "Would you like to chat" or "If you're interested, let me know." What's wrong with these messages, you ask? Read them out loud.
Do they show any confidence? No, they don't. Seriously, "would you like to chat?" Why even ask that? If a woman wants to chat with you, she will.
"Perhaps we can meet..." or "can we chat.... or "maybe we can chat if you're interested" are common messages men send. You want to be direct in your messages and not hide behind passive words like the ones above.
3. Sending multiple messages to women.
One of the fundamental message tips I recommend is sending a second message if a woman doesn't respond to your icebreaker. Wait a day or so, and send a second message.
I covered what you should do if a woman doesn't respond to your icebreaker in this post: 3 Simple Rules for Messaging Etiquette on Dating Apps.
After your second message, you can assume women aren't interested if they don't respond. Never send multiple messages.
Sending multiple messages like this is a clear sign of desperation.
Some women are busy, some take breaks from dating apps, and some aren't on dating apps 24 hours a day. Too many guys send 3, 4, 5 messages in a 24 hour period, which is the kiss of death.
If a woman doesn't respond to your icebreaker, send a second message, and leave it at that. If a connection is meant to be, it will happen. You only ensure failure when you send more than two messages.
4. Writing long-winded messages.
Your icebreaker should be a few sentences and not a paragraph. Your icebreaker must be tight and on-point. As with all messages, inject humor, confidence, and ask open-ended questions.
One way men show desperation is writing long-winded messages that say nothing. These are messages guys typically send to attractive women where they restate information from their dating profile.
Instead of writing a message that tries to establish a connection, this approach goes on and on. Long-winded messages are boring to women and result in an instant rejection.
It's never a good idea to restate your dating profile in your icebreaker.
Your icebreaker should focus on the woman showing you have similar interests; that's how you create a connection. Don't make the mistake of rehashing what's in your profile in your opening message because it makes you appear desperate; let your profile speak for you instead.
5. Hyping yourself the wrong way.
Another way of showing desperation is by writing a message stating how much of a catch you are. Examples include when guys write how they are a "guy who has a lot to offer," mention their luxury car or talk about their high paying job attempting to impress women.
Let your bio show you're a catch and worth meeting. Sending messages like these are pretty desperate. Can you see why?
Avoid writing what you think women want to hear in your message.
Talking about your high paying job is a definite no-no.
The messages above are terrible icebreakers. In the first message, the guy writes what he thinks women want to hear and doesn't make a good first impression. In the second message, the guy offers nothing about who he is and leans on his job to impress the woman hoping she cares about his paycheck.
A better way to hype yourself is to have fun with it. Show some confidence and humor as I do in the message below.
The best approach in an icebreaker is humor and confidence
The message above is effective because it shows confidence. Do I appear desperate or needy? No! I am self-assured and a little cocky; the woman responds.
Final Thoughts
The last thing you want is sending desperate messages to women on dating apps. You may not realize you are sending these type of messages, so pay attention.
Women respond to confidence, humor, and men who know what they want. Sending multiple messages, asking women why they aren't interested, or blasting them with 4 or 5 messages in a day are all less than ideal approaches.
First impressions are critical on dating apps. There are no second chances when you show desperation. The goal of this post is preventing you from making the mistakes that many men do on dating apps.
Keep it Ninja!