The Biggest Mistake Men Make In Messages To Women
The biggest mistake men make in messages on dating apps is not commenting on the woman’s dating profile. When you comment on a woman’s profile, it shows you took the time to learn more about her and aren’t like most other guys who comment on photos or worse, send terrible opening messages which show zero effort.
Too often guys send low-effort messages such as "hi" or "how's your day." Maybe these guys think it's a numbers game and treat it like fishing; casting lines out (messages) and hoping a woman responds.
Don't send low effort messages to women.
The reality is this; you might get a response or two with a message which says "hey there," but you'll fare better reading a woman's profile and commenting on it.
Women want an effort in your messages
Every guy on a dating app ultimately runs into women who tells him to put some effort into his message; like this woman on Tinder:
Some women are fed up with the lack of effort in messages from guys.
Even after seeing this on a woman's profile, most guys take the easy approach and write "hello" or "how are you." No introduction whatsoever. Zero effort.
A recent post on Reddit asked women, "What's the biggest issue you've had with online dating?" The female responses were overwhelming; some women had issues with the number of married men, some mentioned the lack of effort on profile and some mentioned messages men send.
Take this response to the post; "Dudes either not reading my profile, or choosing to ignore stuff in it..." This lack of effort is not surprising.
A few years ago, I created a fake female profile because I wanted to see if men read dating profiles. No shock; most men didn't read the profile I created and sent terrible opening messages.
You can read the blog post here: I Went Undercover As A Hot Girl On A Dating Website. Here’s The Results
The easiest way to start a conversation with women on a dating app is asking questions about something on their dating profile. You can see examples of how to start conversations with women on dating sites in this blog post; 3 Good Conversation Starters for Online Dating Messages To Women.
Don't ignore your dating profile
Don't underestimate the impact your profile has on your responses from women. You may have the best message ever, but if your profile stinks, women will ignore you. This woman on OkCupid put it best:
Men's profiles are so bad; some women offer advice.
Assuming your icebreaker is good, the first thing a woman does is read your profile. If your profile has bad photos, shows a lack of effort, is full of misspelled words, shows negativity ("I'm not here for games or drama"), or a host of other red flags, she will instantly delete your message.
One female Redditor wrote this about seeing men who put zero effort into their self-summary, "How about the typical 'I'll finish this later' on their profile because they can't take the time to write a decent blurb about themselves. You’re boring and lazy. Next."
Take the time to necessary to put up a great profile and give depth; write about how you're unique. Include goals, achievements, your weekend interests, or what you're passionate about doing.
Never write, "I'll finish this later" or "Just ask." Women are not going to see either of those and respond. As one woman commented, "No, I am not going to pull teeth to get to know you."
Here are some profile tips to help you do better on dating apps:
1.
7 Things You Ought To Do On Your Dating Profile To Attract Women
2. How To Take Good Dating Profile Photos For Men
3. 10 Things Men Should Never Write On Their Dating Profile
4. How To Create A Good Dating Site Username
5. 10 Online Dating Profile Headline Tips for Men
How to get responses with women
Avoiding the biggest mistake men make in messages on dating apps is simple. You must put effort into your messages. It takes a little work, but it's worth it. Stop writing "How are you?" in your messages and instead do this:
1. Read the woman's bio. You must do recon on a woman's profile. Read it end-to-end. Everything a woman shares on her bio is fair game. Women are literally giving you conversation starters in their bio; it's your job to take that information and turn it into a question.
2. Focus on things you have in common. I recommend looking for common interests. Find things you enjoy doing that the woman writes about in her bio. Here's the key, you cannot write "Hey, we have similar interests" and leave it at that. Your profile must prove it as well as your opening message.
In this example, from Tinder, I focused on this woman's description of how active she is. I'm an active guy myself who enjoys the outdoors and zeroed in on this to start my conversation.
Look for common interests on a woman's dating profile as I do here with this woman's active lifestyle.
3. Ask an open-ended question. Craft a message which shows you have something in common. The best approach for an icebreaker is asking something that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Read your message out loud if you must because you will hear if a woman can respond with a yes or no to your question.
Continuing the example from above, I compliment the woman that she's active and fit and ask her an open-ended question about what she enjoys. Pay attention to what I do; I share what I enjoy doing.
This tip is key; always answer whatever question you ask a woman. If you ask a woman what her favorite cocktail is, share yours. Make sense?
Ask questions based on a woman's profile and always share your answer in the message.
4. Send your message. Simple. Send your message and let whatever happens, happen. You see in my example below the woman responded to my message. I started a conversation by complimenting her lifestyle (not her photos) and shared we have common interests with my opening message.
You get responses when you comment on a woman's dating profile.
5. Don't dwell on it. One of the biggest mistakes men make is not having patience. Depending on the site, some guys will check if the woman they sent a message to is online or looked at their profile hoping she responds.
And if the woman doesn't respond within a few hours, some guys make a huge blunder by sending a second message. Then a third. Then a fourth. Don't send a bunch of messages to a woman before she responds because you'll look like a creep and only ensure the woman never replies. Desperation is not an attractive trait with women.
Every single woman will not respond. It's how it is on dating apps. Send your message and leave it at that. You can send a second message a few days later, but make sure it's completely different.
If a woman doesn't respond after your second message; it's time to move on. Women do not owe you anything for sending a message. And for goodness sake, never lash out at a woman if she doesn't respond to your message.
What if a woman's bio is blank or shares nothing?
The best way to start a conversation with women is commenting on their written bio. However, sometimes women put zero effort into their written section. In this case, look for icebreakers in their photos.
For example, I read the bio of a beautiful woman on POF. She shared nothing about herself, so I decided to comment on her photos. I saw she is an avid traveler based on her photos, which you see below. I used her pictures as a conversation starter.
Photos are an effective icebreaker when women have an empty bio.
When a woman shares little in her bio, ask questions about her photos.
You see in the message below I asked about any future travel plans then asked some basic questions so I could find her interests or hobbies. Asking a woman what she enjoys doing in her free time is a great way to gather information she doesn't share in her profile.
You see the result of my message. The woman responded. It's not the greatest response, but that's not the point. The goal if your first message is to get a reply. If it's a one-word response, a sentence, or a long paragraph; it doesn't matter. You only want the woman to respond so you can take it from there.
When women have an empty bio, ask questions based on their photos.
Final Thoughts
The biggest mistake men make in messages to women is not commenting on their profile. Women get tons of messages from men, so it's critical your message sands out if you want a reply.
Always follow these keys:
- Look for common interests in a woman's bio.
- Anything shared in a bio can be brought up in your message.
- Ask open-ended questions about a woman's bio.
- Avoid asking anything which can be answered with a "yes" or "no."
- If a woman has a blank bio, focus on her photos.
- Ensure you put effort into your profile because women go through it with a fine-toothed comb.
Sending messages isn't rocket science. Don't make it harder than it needs to be. Be light, fun, charming, and confident, and you'll fare better than the rest of the men who put zero effort into their profile or messages.
What do you think is the biggest mistake men make in messages to women? Leave your thoughts below.