The Age Old Question, Should A Guy Pay On A First Date?

The answer varies on whom you ask but I have one rule, if you ask a woman out you pay the bill.  Should a guy pay on a first date with a woman?   The answer is yes.

I’m not alone in this mindset.  A 2017 survey conducted by Money and SurveyMonkey found 78% of respondents believe the man should pay on a first date.

I also asked Redditors their thoughts on who pays the bill and shared their thoughts in a previous blog post, Who Pays on the First Date, The Man Or The Woman? People of Reddit Have The Answer.

Now, I want to be clear.  I cannot stress this enough, your first date should be coffee or drinks; never dinner.  You don’t want to have to spend $50 or even $100 to determine if you’d like a second date with a woman. Imagine if there’s no connection.  Sorry, you just paid for an expensive first date.

If you think dinner’s a good first date idea consider this; analysis by Deutsche Bank found paying for two people in New York or San Francisco to go to a movie, have a meal, toss back a few beers, and a taxi ride comes to about $130. Do the math. A couple of those a week add up significantly. Stick to something more casual.

Back to the first date; my code is simple, if I ask a woman out I’m going to pay the bill. End of story.

Experts Weigh In On Who Pays The Check

When dating experts are asked “Should a guy pay on a first date?” the consensus is “yes.”  Alex Williamson, head of brand at the dating app Bumble told Huffington Post “In my opinion, if one person asked the other out, that person should take responsibility for the check.  But in any case, I always think it’s reasonable for both people to offer to cover all or part of the check and have a conversation about it.”

Talia Goldstein, the founder of the matchmaking company Three Day Rule, told Huffington Post “We encourage the guy to pick up the bill. It might feel silly, antiquated and outdated in a world filled with strong, independent women, but there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of tradition. Understandably, this can feel one-sided, daunting, maybe even unfair.”

Sure, people in general, may debate the issue but the majority of “experts” and “dating coaches” think men should pay for the first date.

What Every Guy Should Do When The Bill Arrives

Once the check arrives I like to reach for my credit card or cash an pay it.  I don’t let the bill sit there because it may create tension and disrupt the “energy” of the date.  The woman might sit there thinking “Is he expecting me to chip in?”   I never expect a woman to pay if I ask her out and neither should you so as soon as that bill arrives at your table reach over and say “I got this” like a boss.

And if a woman reaches to help pay it doesn’t mean she actually wants to split the bill.  A study by David Frederick, a psychology professor at Chapman University, surveyed over 17,000 people and 39% of the women in the survey said they hoped the man would decline an offer to help pay the bill.   I’m fine with this because I’m comfortable paying for the first date anyway.

So, when the bill arrives keep these tips in mind:

• Don’t be offended if she offers you money.
• Don’t just sit there staring at the check.
• If she reaches for her purse politely say “I got this” and leave it at that.

Some women will insist on paying while others will ask “Are you sure?” as they reach for their purse.  If I’m interested and want to continue the date I’ll say “I’ll pay but we can head over to the bar and you can buy me a drink” or “Let’s go grab a coffee. Your treat.”

All I’m doing is trying to continue the date. If a woman’s interested she’ll gladly accept. If she doesn’t have time to continue the date but is interested in hanging out again just tell her “OK, first rounds on you next time.”

If you aren’t interested in seeing her after the date just cut your losses and move one.  Be a gentleman.  Remember, you asked her out so you accept the risk that comes with it.

Beyond The First Date

When it comes to a second, third date and beyond I’m perfectly fine letting women pay or chip in.  In fact, I encourage it.  I’ll jokingly say “Where are you taking me to dinner tonight?” to give her a hint.

By the third date, you’re more than likely doing multiple things on a date night so you’ll most certainly divvy up the expenses. For example, maybe you’re both going out for dinner, followed by a movie, and drinks afterward.  If you pay for dinner and she tries to offer to pay for some of the dinner bill instead say “I got this. You can get the snacks at the movie.  OK?”  She’ll gladly accept.

Don’t keep track of who pays for what either.  It’s off-putting and not an attractive trait.  Never say “Oh, I paid for dinner last time and the time before that so you got this bill.”  That’s not something a real man would do.

Final Thoughts

When I’m asked “should a guy pay on a first date,” I say “yes” every time. In fact, if a woman suggests meeting I’ll still pay for the first date.

I’m old-school like that and think that’s what a gentleman does.  Dating has evolved and people change but I think for the most part women enjoy being treated out for the first date.  Some women are going to insist on paying and that’s fine.  I suggest sticking with saying “No” but also letting her know she has first round at the bar.

Should a guy pay on a first date? Leave your thoughts below.

How To Read Female Body Language Signs

Women send cues when they’re interested in men. Look for these 5 female body language signs which are dead giveaways to her interest in you.

Yes, people can mask their feelings by manipulating their facial expressions but there are some things that can’t be manipulated; namely body language.  A subtle glance, a body movement, a long gaze, as well as other actions are telltale signs to look for.

Here are 5 things you should keep your eyes open for to see if she’s interested in your.

1. Her Eyes

If you see an attractive woman across the room you can gauge her interest through her eyes. According to Social Issues Research Centre, you can quickly determine a woman’s interest in you through her gaze.

Hold her gaze for 1 – 3 seconds (don’t hold it too long or you’ll seem threatening). If she maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, the chances are that she might return your interest.

If after this initial glance, she looks away briefly and then looks back to meet your gaze a second time, you can safely assume she’s interested. If these eye contacts trigger a smile, go ahead and make your move.

If on the other hand, she avoids making eye contact with you, or looks away after a fraction of a second and doesn’t look back again, you can assume that she’s not interested.

A woman’s gaze can also determine if she wants a relationship or a fling with you. I covered this in another blog post; What A Woman’s Eyes Tell You About Her Desire To Have Sex With You.

2. Her Toes

When you’re having a conversation with a woman keep an eye on her feet. A woman’s feet can signal her interest level in you.

According to research conducted by the University of Manchester, if a woman is interested in you and is laughing, her foot will move away from her body and she will have an open leg posture.

“If a woman’s feet move when she laughs, it is one of the most powerful signals that she likes you” according to Professor Geoffrey Beattie who conducted the research.

If her feet are crossed or tucked away under her body then she isn’t attracted to you (especially when she’s laughing).

3. Her Pupils

A woman’s pupils can be a telltale sign she’s interested in you as well. A study by Cornell University found women’s eyes widen (dilate) when sexually attracted.

“The pupil reacts very quickly, and it is unconscious, so it’s a method that gives us a subconscious indicator of sexuality,” said lead study author Gerulf Rieger, a researcher at Cornell University.  Dilated pupils are a sign of sexual arousal for women so look out for her large dark eyes when you’re with her.

4. Mimic Her

Copying the “verbal and nonverbal” behaviors of a woman can have positive effects for you. Specifically, if you’re on a date with a woman and you’d like her to feel more comfortable, agreeable, or simply like you more, mimicking some of her behavior may make you more likable.

As an added bonus, copying her behavior may increase your sexual attractiveness as well. Be sure to be subtle; don’t blatantly copy her. For example, if she scratches her face, scratch yours a few seconds later. If she leans in towards you, lean towards her.

On the flip side, if a woman mimics you, she might be playing the same game. One speed dating study had women copy men’s behavior while another group of women didn’t. The study found men rated the women who mimicked them MORE attractive than the women who didn’t copy their behavior.

5. Her Ears

A study by the University Gabriele d’Annunzio found we are more likely to “perform a task when we receive the request in our right ear rather than our left.” So, whisper those sweet nothings into her right ear.

If you’re at a crowded bar, on a date, or in some intimate setting, whisper in her right ear to trigger the part of her brain that says “yes.”

Final Thoughts

Always keep your eyes open for subtle signs from a woman which can show you her interest in you. Try as they may, women can’t hide their subconscious telltale signals.

These 5 female body language signs can be your key to a successful encounter with a woman.

• Her eyes – Eye contact signals her interest (or lack of it).
• Her toes – A woman’s feet and leg posture can be a clue to her interest you.
• Her pupils – Dilated pupils are a sign she’s into you.
• Mimicry – Helps build rapport with the other person and can make you more likable and boost your attractiveness.
• Her ears – whisper in her right ear to trigger the “yes” side of her brain.

If you’re alert and pay attention, you’ll know exactly where you stand with a woman.

Please leave your comments below. Feel free to add more female body language signs you would like to share.

Good Cell Phone Etiquette On A Date For Men

The best cell phone etiquette on a date is to keep your phone in your pocket.

Answering your phone, texting people, checking in on Facebook, taking photos of your food/drinks for Instagram, checking emails, tweeting, and taking selfies are no-no’s on a date; especially if it’s the first date.

Cell phones have changed the dynamic of dating because everyone has one. According to PEW Research Center, 95% of Americans own a cell phone.

It doesn’t matter where you are, you’ll see people glued to their phones. Be it a movie, the coffee shop, a store, a hike, at the airport, even while driving, you’ll see people checking their phones.

But how has it impacted dating and what’s good cell phone etiquette on a date?

Cell Phone Dating Facts

A poll by Zoosk surveyed over 3,000 online daters and revealed how people feel about cell phones and dating:

• 49% of singles were turned off by an “annoying or obnoxious ringtone.”
• 68% of daters would prefer you not check in Facebook or Yelp.
• 33% of the daters surveyed said they have left a date because of cell phone usage, saying that the other person was “too absorbed” with their smartphone.

But what is the worst cell phone etiquette on a date?

• Constantly glancing at your phone during a conversation (86%).
• Sending a text message (73%).
• Taking a call (51%).

Various studies have taken it further analyzing the behavior of cell phones and the behavior of people.

A study from University of Essex found the mere presence of a cell phone can erode “in-person intimacy.” The study paired strangers and had them engage in a variety of conversations; some had a cell phone nearby while others didn’t.

The pairs who had conversations with a cell phone nearby reported feeling a lower quality to their conversation and less closeness than those who had carried on conversations without the phone.

The pairs also reported feeling less trust and thought that their partners showed less empathy if there was a cell phone present.

Psychology Today did their own study and found even if the other person doesn’t actually answer his/her phone on a date, the mere presence of the phone on the table makes it seem as if the person who put it there isn’t fully in the moment.

Imagine being on a date where the woman keeps her phone on the table.  Would you feel comfortable opening up when you’re constantly fearful of her phone grabbing her attention away from you?  Of course not.  A phone can have a negative impact on your date if it’s just sitting there on the table.

The Best Cell Phone Etiquette On A Date

Here are a few tips for you while you’re on a date with a woman:

• Turn your phone off and keep it in your pocket.
• If you must have your phone on, for a babysitter for your kids, for example, create a unique ring-tone for him/her so you’re on alert for that particular ring tone.

If you have an important phone call excuse yourself from the date and step outside.

Final Thoughts

Treat women the way you want to be treated. It’s disrespectful to use your cell phone on a first date unless it’s an emergency.

My advice is simple, keep your phone in your pocket and don’t check it.

It may be tempting to check it if your date excuses herself from the bathroom but unless you’re on call for work or are worried about your kids, keep it off.

If you must, excuse yourself to the restroom and check it then. Show a little class. Focus on your date and you may just land a second date.

What do you think is good cell phone etiquette on a date with women? Leave your thoughts below.

How To Make A Good First Impression On A Date With Women

So you have a date with a woman you met off your dating site. The next hurdle is making a good first impression on a date with that girl.

The first date is critical so it’s important you don’t screw it up. You get no “do overs” in dating. All too often men blow it

So if you are looking to make a good first impression a date with women, follow these 5 tips! Ignore them at your own risk!

1. Be On Time

If you want to make a good first impression on a date, show up on time. Never show up late.

There’s no such thing as arriving “fashionably late” to a first date. Don’t do it.

If you aren’t willing to show up on time what do you think that says to women about the effort you will put into a relationship? Actions speak louder than words!

Yes, stuff happens. Maybe there’s an accident, or traffic is bad, or you have to stay at work later for some reason. Maybe you have a personal emergency.

If you are going to be late, CALL her and let her know you’re running late. Don’t just show up late. Tacky.

I would also suggest meeting her in front of the location of your date. You don’t want her to have to navigate through a crowded bar to meet you.

2. Be Confident

According to Match.com, 84% of women will “routinely watch you for your confidence level.”

Sit straight and don’t slouch. Look her in the eye. Be assertive. Don’t be wishy-washy. If she challenges you, stand your ground.

There’s a difference between cocky and confident; be sure you know the difference.

Don’t let your eyes wander when that hot waitress walks by you. Your date should be 100% of your focus when meeting.

And remember, smile for goodness sake.

3. Keep the Phone In Your Pocket

Don’t put your phone on the table nor check it while around your date. Keep your phone in your pocket and be sure it’s on silent.

It’s disrespectful to check your phone while on your date.

Imagine how you’d feel if you were having a good time then your date kept whipping out her phone and checking it. How would you feel? Not so good I think.

If you must, put it on vibrate and put your phone in your pocket. You can check your phone when you go to the restroom; like most of us do.

4. Dress To Impress

Match.com found nearly 70% of women will judge if you’re a suitable mate by how you dress. So if you want to make a really good first impression on a date, be presentable.

You don’t have to be dressed to the nines but you should clean up well.

If you need help ask a female friend or simply look at sites like Men’s Health or Askmen.com. They have plenty of tips for men on how to dress.

Keep it classy. Keep it simple. Nothing extreme. This isn’t the time to wear loud colors that scream “I need attention.”

5. Avoid Negativity

Keep your date light and positive.

Don’t talk about exes. Bad dates. Horrible experiences online. In fact, don’t bring up anything negative. For example, you don’t want to go on a rant about politics even if she shares your political beliefs.

If something is important to you, you should know those facts going into the date. For example, if you’re a hardcore Republican and would never date a Democrat, you should know this beforehand otherwise, you run the risk of the date blowing up and you’re just wasting your time.

Now, you can’t control what someone else asks. If your date brings up something that you disagree with there’s no need to escalate the topic but do stand your ground. And definitely, don’t compromise who you are and be agreeable just to appease your date. That never works.

Focus on the positive aspects that you’ve read in her profile. Bring topics up you read on her dating profile. and you’ll make a very good first impression on a date with any women because you showed you took the time to read through her profile.

Final Thoughts

You want to me a good first impression otherwise, your first date may be your last date. You certainly don’t want that.

Although it may seem like common sense, most guys fail to follow the 5 tips above and in the process ruin their chances.

Be on time, show some confidence, keep your phone in your pocket, be presentable and remain positive. You’ll be good if you follow these tips.

And remember, it’s just a date so relax. Don’t sweat it. Have fun and you’ll be just fine.



What are your thoughts about making a good first impression on a date? Anything you’d like to add? I would love to hear what you have to say.

3 First Date Blunders You Might Be Making

The last thing you want to do is offend a woman on your first date.  All too often guys blow it with first date blunders that can be easily avoided with common sense.

Showing up late, checking your phone throughout the date, bragging about yourself are no-brainers but there are other things you may not think about that can leave a sour taste in a woman’s mouth.

Don’t make any of these first date blunders because you won’t be getting a second date.

1. Being Negative

One of the most common first date blunders you can make is to ask a question women questions that are negative in nature or bring up bad experiences from their past.  The last thing you want to do is change the energy of your date from positive to negative and a surefire way to do this is by asking questions that are negative.

• “What don’t you like about your job?”
• “Any bad experiences dating online?”
• “What’s the worst date you’ve been on?

You want to keep the first date positive and on the right track. Nothing is more off-putting than changing the energy of the date by bringing up bad memories.

I once made the mistake of asking a woman about her ex. She gave me a short answer that I should have read as “let’s not go there” but I asked another question and that lit the fuse.  She ranted about her ex and got more and more upset as she talked about him.

She wasn’t mad at me for bringing up the ex, but my question certainly changed the energy of the date and made it very awkward. I should have changed the subject when it was clear she didn’t want to go there. Lesson learned; don’t ask questions about exes!

2. Bring Up Heavy Topics

Stay away from politics, religion, or getting too deep because you may scare off women on the first date.  Remember, this is the first date so you don’t need to ask what she wants to name her first born with you.

The last thing you want to do is ask her if she wants to have kids soon or if she voted for Trump or Hillary.  Keep it light; music, TV, movies, activities like fitness, cooking, volunteering, travel, books, etc.. are all cool.

Kids, politics, and religion are things you should have read on her dating profile or discussed on email exchanges or phone calls before your first date.  But if she goes there asking a question about politics for example, then all bets are off. Be honest and stand your ground if whatever she brings up is important to you.

Don’t be agreeable with what she says. It’s OK to challenge her if she goes to heavy topics.  I simply suggest keep it light on the first date.

3. Being A Jerk

Women judge everything about you on the first date.  In fact, women typically look for reasons NOT to choose.  You don’t want your date to think, “Great, another jerk.”

Your appearance, how you communicate, eye contact, how polite you are to the staff of wherever you are, if you are late, manners; everything is judged!  It’s amazing that so many guys simply don’t get it and continue to make these first date blunders;

• Don’t be abrasive or rude to your waiter.
• Don’t show up unkempt and looking like a bum.
• Don’t get drunk and make an ass of yourself.

This also means don’t be rude to your date as well.

Remember.

1. Wait for her in front of wherever you are meeting; especially if it’s a bar. You don’t want her to have to look for you in a crowded bar.
2. You asked her out, you pay. Most women will offer to pay something on the bill. You can tell her to get drinks next time (assume there’s a next time).  If she insists, tell her she can pay the tip.
3. Walk her to her car. Remember, be a gentleman. Tell her to text/call to let you know she made it home safe.

Final Thoughts

In the end, don’t overthink your first date. Be positive and confident and you’ll do fine.  If you ever have that awkward silence it’s good to have a few things to fall back on.

I read a recent blog post on Huffington Post which had a list of “thought provoking” questions to create a “real connection” on a first date.  There’s no definite list of questions you should ask a woman on a first date. With more dating experience, conversations will come naturally; trust me on that.

I covered some questions that OkCupid found were the best questions to ask on a first date in a recent blog post; What Are The Best Questions To Ask On a First Date With Women?

You can overcome these silences by simply having something to fall back on like the topics in the links above.  In the end, the first date is seeing about chemistry and attraction.  You already got your “foot in the door” so to speak.  She’s willing to meet you so don’t sweat it. You’ve won half the battle.

Please leave any comments you have below. Feel free to add any first date blunders or mistakes you have made in the past or experienced firsthand yourself.

How To Act The Morning After A One Night Stand

You wake up in bed next to a girl you met the night before. So now what do you do? Do you show some class or sneak out undetected? Follow these tips on how to act the morning after a one night stand with a woman.

One night stands happen and happen often.  In 2015, nearly half of women in a Match.com poll reported having had a one-night stand, so it’s pretty common these days.

Let’s assume you met a girl at a bar and take her to your place. It’s now the morning after. You wake up and she’s next to you in bed.  Now what?

Follow the tips below to help guide you on how to act the morning after a one night stand.

1. Have A Plan

The first step is to have a plan on what to do. You want a go-to script for the morning after so you don’t get flustered.  Actually, you’ll need two plans; one plan for if you’re at her house and another plan if she’s at your house.

It’s easier to leave if you’re at her house.  You can tell her you have to get to work, or maybe you have a dog and need to get home to let him out and feed him, or just say you have to go because you have to get your day started and have a bunch of things to do.

What if she’s at your house?  You can tell her you have to get to work, or you have friends/family in town or have to go take care of some things.  Either way, she’ll get the hint.

2. Don’t Feel Like You Have To Hang Out

You’re under no obligation to engage in small talk with her.  If you’re at her house and wake up before she does you can get your stuff and leave.

Before you head out, wake her up to tell her you have to leave.  If she’s at your place get up and get your day started.  If she doesn’t get up tell her you have to run some errands and she’ll get the hint.

3. Go For Round 2!

Do you want more? Curious if she’s satisfied and wants more sex? Here’s how to find out.  If she lays close to you test the waters. You can go spoon with her, touch her and run your hands along her side. Maybe caress her breasts.

She’ll either reciprocate or ignore you.  You should be able to read the signals and take a hint.

4. Cover Your Bases For Morning Sex

If she does want more, you should always have some sort breath mints near your nightstand. Always keep some handy.

Women can be a little self-conscious about their morning breath and you should too.  It’s OK to get up and use the restroom and then quickly take a swig of mouthwash.

You can offer her breath mints and take one yourself so it’s not awkward for her.  Just grab one and offer her one.  It goes without saying, have condoms ready as well.

5. Offer Coffee, Not Breakfast

There’s no need to cook her breakfast. It’s just weird.  A bagel is acceptable but if you start whipping up french toast it’s a red flag and you’ll look clingy.

Coffee to get her started is all you need. Have water on hand as well and ibuprofen if necessary to fight those hangovers.

Saying Your Goodbyes

If she’s at your place be a gentleman and walk her to her car to make sure she makes it safe. Give her a kiss, tell her how much of a great time you had, and ask for her number so she can text you to let you know she made it home safe. It’s classy and the gentlemanly thing to do.

However, once she texts she made it home, it’s your call if you want to keep her number or not.  There’s no problem exchanging numbers to make sure she made it home but don’t tell her you want to see her again if you don’t plan on it.

If you are at her place you don’t have to swap numbers unless you want to.  Remember, only ask for her number if you plan on contacting her again.



Feel free to leave your thoughts or experiences for how to act the morning after a one night stand.

How To Calm Your Nerves Before A First Date

Does the thought of an upcoming date with a woman have you churning and on edge? Well, rest easy.

A study by the University of Cambridge has advice for you regarding how to calm your nerves before a first date.

The tips include:

Let your negative thoughts go rather than to dwell on them – If you keep negative thoughts in your head, you may produce a negative mindset. This will prevent you from putting your best foot forward on your date. When you start having negative thoughts in your head; let it go.

Focus on your breathing – Tying into the tip above; let all negative thoughts go. A simple technique to help is to breath. Simply let go and bring your mind gently back to your breaths. This meditative technique will relax you and make you feel calmer.

Go on more dates – Repeated exposure to things that scare you actually help you get over them the study found. Over time your fear will lessen and your confidence will grow. This is why it’s in your best interest to go on as many dates as possible.

Focus on the other person – Don’t worry about how you look or how hot the other person is. You want to find out if the person you are meeting is actually worth pursuing. The more you find out about her, the more you’ll know if she’s worth pursuing.

As the study pointed out, “The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for a year is being in a bad relationship for a year and a day.”

How Redditor’s Calm Their Nerves

The 4 tips above are very good advice.

I wanted to hear what other people thought about these tips so it turned to Reddit.

Reddit is a great way to get opinions about anything as people never hold back their opinions.

I put the question out to Reddit members asking them about how to calm your nerves before a first date.

The answers varied. Have a look below.

Redditor’s React To Study

“Once you go on enough dates, you realize that 95% of them are the same shtick. Drinks, what do you do for work, what do you do for fun, oh my god I was at that same concert. Do you know that guy, what’s his name… John? Yeah! We have so much in common holy shit!”

“Cant recall being nervous before a first date. I have been nervous for plenty of second dates, though.”

“Most people drink beforehand.”

“Dating a lot of women naturally made me much more comfortable on first dates. Go with the flow. Either they’ll be into you or they won’t be, and if they’re not, that’s fine and you’ll be fine. But yeah, have a drink or 3.”

“I don’t get first date nerves that are anywhere near a problem.”

“First dates aren’t important enough to bother me much. I get a bit of butterflies right before I see her for the first time but that’s about it. I probably get more butterflies on the second date because I have a bit more at stake. But once we start talking all of that goes away.”

“The first few first dates I went on after being newly single, I had a beer before each date and it’s totally a fair strategy as long as you hold it to one drink and don’t get loaded. All of those tips you list are the right ones.”

“I agree with everyone and have a drink. Those tips from the article are definitely worth a try. No one has mentioned this yet, but masturbate before. Good luck…”

“…meditation is my go-to for any stressful situation…”

“Focus on the other person.”

“Mainly this. I’m nervous if I’m preoccupied with thoughts like will he like me?, what if he thinks I’m weird? what if I embarrass myself? When I focus on what I think of him, and just enjoying where I am, the nerves are barely there.”

“Going on more dates part did it for me. Also, I try to get into the mentality that I’m meeting a friend that I have not seen in a long while. Remove the stranger anxiety.”

“The nerves keep me talking. I embrace it. And then I start drinking.”

“First date I ever had (which was earlier this year), I took a shot of whiskey before walking out of the door. It didn’t really do anything, it was a placebo effect if anything. Since then, I’ve just braved it. EVERYONE gets nervous…….Just turn up, be yourself, and have zero expectations. If they don’t like you, that’s their problem.”

“The only thing I’d add is to remind yourself half the battle is already over. You got the date. That indicates that the person you are with is already interested in you in some way, shape or form, so you’re golden. Just take a breath, remind yourself that you’re awesome, and do your thing. Keep it simple.”

“I sing along to Usher very loudly in the car on the drive over. Once the date’s started, my nerves are gone. But I’m not some who really suffers much from stage fright.”

“I tell myself I’m meeting up with a friend.”

“Honestly, re-framing how I think about the date has really lessened first date nerves. I focus on whether or not I like the other person and whether or not I’m having a good time instead of worrying that they don’t like me. It helps.”

“Unpopular opinion with this thread, but I don’t think drinking before is a great idea. I feel this is a good way to exacerbate bad habits. Order a drink when you get there and by the end of the small talk you’ll be sippin’ on a cold one and good to go.”

“I know I’ll be nervous anyway so I just kind of hope for the best.”

“Once they show up I’m done being nervous.”

“I’ve been on so many first dates that nerves aren’t a factor. They’re just people like you. Talk to them.”

“I’ve been on so many first dates that I don’t get nervous anymore. But yeah, alcohol helps.”

Final Thoughts

I’ve been on so many dates over the years I’m never nervous anymore but I do think the study findings offer good advice.

It’s normal to be a little nervous before a first date.

If you ever have any jitters simply remember the following:
Focus on your breathing
Let your negative thoughts go rather than to dwell on them
Go on more dates
Focus on the other person

Take the studies advice and don’t become so nervous that you forget to actually see if you want a relationship with the person you’re meeting.

Are they really worth pursuing and spending your time with?

Remember, the study points out “the only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for a year, is being in a bad relationship for a year and a day.”

I couldn’t have said it any better.



Leave your comments below. I would love to hear your thoughts on how to calm your nerves for a first date.

Should You Ghost Someone You’re Not Interested In?

Should you ghost someone if you lose interest or find someone else? The answer is complicated. If you’ve traded a few emails then ghosting is acceptable. However if you’ve actually gone on a date then no, it’s not OK to ghost someone at that point.

If you’re new to online dating I can tell you that you’re going to get ghosted at some point. If you’re an experienced online dater you know how it feels to be ghosted and you’ve probably done it yourself.

Ghosting is just part of the online dating game these days.

What Is Ghosting?

Simply put, ghosting is when someone vanishes. No call, no text, no heads up, no emails, no responses to your messages, no explanation.…..NADA.

Complete radio silence. Tumbleweeds. Get it?  It’s going to happen to you if it hasn’t already.

It’s part of the online dating world these days where all it takes is a “swipe left” or “swipe right” to move on to the next one or set up a date.

Why Do People Ghost?

Simple, it’s easier to pull a vanishing act instead of having to explain you lost interest or found someone else.  Why deal with having to let someone down when it’s easier to simply ignore them, right?

It doesn’t seem like acceptable behavior but with so many “potential” partners online, it seems easier to simply move on without having to deal with letting them down.  Of course, if you’re the one being ghosted, it sucks.

Should You Ghost Someone?

It’s your call if you should ghost someone or not.  Most people find it acceptable while you are in the “trading message” stage; meaning you swap an email or two with a woman.  However, a lot of people seem to do it well beyond the messaging phase.

Some people will do it after swapping numbers, talking, texting, and actually meeting.  The worst culprits do it after having sex or while they have started seeing someone for a short time.

I think it’s OK to ghost someone if you trade an email or two.  Once you get the girls number, though, you owe it to her to let her know you aren’t interested instead of pulling a disappearing act.

It’s NEVER acceptable after you agree to meet someone.  And for goodness sake, you should never ghost a woman AFTER you meet her.

Final Thoughts

Should you ghost someone?  Before you answer, think about this, how does it feel when someone does it to you?  Being ghosted doesn’t feel good does it?

Remember, the right person isn’t going to fade on you so you if you are “ghosted”, don’t dwell on it.  They don’t respect you enough to say they aren’t interested so it’s their loss.

As for you, it’s OK to move on if you simply exchanged a few emails but anything beyond that, it’s usually good to let the woman know.

Show a little respect. Be a man. It’s not that difficult.  If you aren’t interested in a woman simply email her or text her saying “I don’t think we’re a good fit. I wish you all the best.”

You don’t have to give a detailed explanation why you aren’t interested but show a little respect by letting her know you don’t think you are a fit.

Please leave a comment below if you have any thoughts or anything to add to should you ghost someone.