5 Reasons Your Conversations Lose Steam On Dating Apps

1. Your conversations are boring.

OK, the hard part out of the way; getting a response to your icebreaker. The next step is keeping your conversation going strong.

Your strategy should be keeping women engaged in the conversation. Ask something interesting. Show curiosity in your messages because women will see you're genuinely interested in getting to know them.

Don't ever ask, "How are you?" or "How's your day going?" These types of messages show zero effort and are at a very generic level. Come on; these are things people say when you order fast food.

If you ever find yourself running out of things to say on a dating app, get creative. You can ask things like these:

• What's your favorite thing to do on the weekend?
• What type of shows are you watching right now?
• How do you like spending your Friday nights?

Put thought into your messages. Give women something interesting to respond to in your message. 

Below is an example where I ask a woman what she enjoys doing on the weekend. Note her answer - she gives me many topics I can dive into later in the conversation.

2. You become an online dating pen pal.

Why are you on a dating app? You joined to meet someone, right? Unfortunately, a lot of guys drag out conversations, turning it into a slog.

I don't know why men do this. Either they miss the signals, lack confidence, or have no desire to meet.

If you want to meet women, there's no reason to drag out conversations. A common problem for women on dating apps is men who drone on endlessly and never ask them out. Step up and ask them out.

Sure, some women are on dating apps seeking validation, but most are there for a reason; to meet a guy. That guy can be you, so don't be wishy-washy.

You must escalate the process - Get the woman off the dating app. Ask for her number and talk, text, or do a video chat. It's easy. 

3. The woman isn't actively using the app.

Everyone uses dating apps differently. Some women are on them daily, others check it a few times a week, while others less so.

Life happens. Just because you're actively using a dating app doesn't mean the woman you're chatting with uses it like you.

You want to respect a woman's space. At the same time, don't waste your time with someone who isn't respecting your time as well. That's why it's best to get her off the app and get her phone number as quickly as possible.

Let's be clear; women are not obligated to respond to your messages. If you send a message to a woman, it's OK if she doesn't respond immediately or an hour after you send it.

But, if you feel that the woman ‏responds sporadically and you aren't feeling respect, move on. Find a woman who gives you the attention you deserve.

4. The woman is talking to other guys.

Never assume you're the only guy a woman is chatting with online. I can assure you; she isn't fully invested in you yet.

When a woman is messaging you, she is likely chatting up other men on dating apps, probably talking/texting with a handful, and possibly going on dates. Her focus isn't 100% on you.

It's part of the dating game. That's why it's best to keep women engaged in your conversations.

When you keep a woman interested, challenge her, make her laugh, show curiosity, and escalate, she will shift focus from other men towards you. 

You get what you put into online dating - most men fail because they half-ass it. Crank it up a notch in your conversations. Don't be afraid to flirt.

You can't keep asking a woman what her plans are for the weekend or how her day is going. Women lose interest (see rule # 1 above) and may end up focusing on someone else. Keep that in the back of your mind as you message women.

5. There is zero chemistry between you two.

Sometimes, as the conversation continues with a woman, you realize there's no chemistry. The conversations starts with a bang, but the energy and "back and forth" slowly dies.

Where does the chemistry go? Why does this happen? It's not your fault. As you talk to someone, one of you may realize that you both aren't a match for each other.

Is there a way to prevent this? No. Just be you. Never be who you think women want you to be.

It happens and will happen, but don't let that frustrate you. Keep at it, and you'll eventually meet women where you won't have this problem. 

Final Thoughts

It doesn't matter if you're a newbie to online dating or a seasoned veteran; conversations lose steam at some point. Women fade out; it happens.

It's OK if some conversations fizzle out, but if 100% of them happen, it's time to work on your conversation skills. Hopefully, this post helps you identify potential causes for your conversations losing steam.

The best thing you can do is focus on your conversations. Keep women engaged, escalate the conversations, show confidence, humor, and ask questions!

Practice, practice, practice. Take chances. Step outside your comfort zone. You will get better at this once you identify mistakes you are making.

What Are Bad Icebreakers Men Send On Dating Apps?

The reason men don't get responses to their messages on dating apps is they use bad icebreakers. Showing a lack of effort, asking women out, and being a creep are a few of the common approaches men use.

It's easy to start conversations on dating apps (if you know what you're doing). And that's the problem; men don't realize their icebreakers are ​so bad, they are an "instant no" with women.

If you're not getting responses to your messages, here are 7 bad icebreakers you may be using that cripple your chances of getting a response. I share why the approaches are bad and how to fix the mistakes.

1. Generic messages that show a lack of effort.

The most common approach for men is an icebreaker that shows a complete lack of effort. This is a prime example of a common message women receive:

2. Telling a woman you have common interests.

Another bad icebreaker is telling a woman you have something in common without sharing what it is. It's a huge blunder. A lot of guys fall into the trap of saying they share common interests without proving it. 

Why is this a problem? Well, a lot of men use this approach. No woman will take your word that you have something in common because it's such an overused approach.

It's actually a better idea to share you have common interests. Hinge found, "the best way to get a response is to ask a direct question about your match's profile while sharing your interests."

The key to getting a response is showing you have common interests. You can show women you have common interests in your message without actually saying, "we have something in common."

Here's how to do it. Again, anything a woman shares on her bio is fair game for use in an icebreaker. Just pick a topic, then ask a question about the topic while sharing your answer.

It's simple, really. If a woman loves traveling, ask her where she's going next and then share something about your next trip. If you see a woman loves hiking, ask her what her favorite trails are while sharing yours. Make sense?

Below is an example from OkCupid. Note how I ask a question about something in the woman's profile, she mentions she enjoys craft beer. 

I ask the woman what her favorite beer is and share a beer that I enjoy. I could have written, "we both like beer," but instead, I proved we have something in common by mentioning a beer I liked. My icebreaker works, and I start a conversation.

Remember, don't tell women you have something in common. Prove it!

3. Showing you're desperate, clingy, or annoying.

After you send your icebreaker to a woman, forget about it. At least for the short term. Do not be like this guy sending multiple messages over a couple of days.

4. Stating the obvious.

A huge blunder I see is men sending messages that are meaningless because they say nothing. An example is this guy:

The approach above is terrible. Let me break down why this is on this list of bad icebreakers.

The guy starts off saying, "I read your profile." Where is the proof? What exactly did he read? He fails to mention anything in the woman's bio. It's totally vague and offers the woman nothing.

Then the guy writes, "I would love the chance to talk to you." What does that mean? Of course, he wants to talk to her, he sent a message.

A woman knows you're interested and want to talk to her once you send your icebreaker. Don't state the obvious.

Finally, he says, "and get to know you better." Another phrase with zero meaning. If he really wants to get to know her better, he should ask a question about something that literally allows him to get to know her better.

This is a classic message men send to women on dating apps. The message above could very well be a copy & paste message the guy sends to every woman he sees. Since the message says nothing about the woman, she may think it's copy & paste.

Instead, this guy should have done this:

1. Commented on something in the woman's bio to show her read it.
2. Ask a question or two about something in her bio. 

It's simple, really. When you see a woman you're interested in, show a genuine curiosity about her by asking questions about something in her bio.

5. Physical compliments.

Maybe you think, "What's the harm in complimenting a woman?" The problem is a lot of men do this. It shows you only value a woman's looks. Tack on every other guy does this, so you're lumped in with the masses as yet, another guy who only cares about a woman's looks.

According to Online Profile Pros, 31% of men compliment women's appearances.  It's no wonder men get such low response rates.

A better approach is complimenting something on a woman's bio. Again, anything a woman shares in her bio is fair game to use in your icebreaker.

If the woman has a photo of herself in a marathon, tell her that you're impressed because of the hard work it takes to finish one. If you see a woman has a photo of herself traveling somewhere, compliment the photo itself.  

You can also tell women how you like something about them. Maybe tell a woman, "I like that you're active. It shows dedication and commitment."

Even telling a woman her photo is great in of itself, is better than telling her she's pretty. Below is an example on the Hinge dating app.

6. You're acting like a creep.

The guy above probably went for shock value. Or maybe he thinks it's a great way to compliment a woman. It's not. It's offensive.

Not all men are that extreme. Some guys are simply creepy in their icebreakers asking for more photos, asking if the woman wants to cuddle, if she's a good kisser, etc.

Here's how to fix this problem... just don't be a creep. Think about what you're asking and how women will feel reading your message.

7. You ask women out in your icebreaker.

Rounding out the list of bad icebreakers men use is asking women out. Don't ask women out in your opening message. I can't believe how many men do this.

Looks, I'm all for cutting to the chase and getting a woman offline quickly. But not in your first message.

You want a connection with the woman first. You need to establish chemistry and build attraction.

You don't ask a woman to marry you on the first date, do you? Of course not. So don't ask a woman out in your icebreaker.

The Top Icebreakers Women Hate Receiving From Men

1. Physical Compliments

You may find a woman the most beautiful woman ever, yet telling her she's attractive is an icebreaker women hate because it comes across as fake. Women receive tons of messages from guys who tell them how attractive they are.

If you tell a woman she's pretty, she immediately lumps you in with every other guy who uses the same approach. In that instant, your chances of getting a response are zero.

Here are a couple of facts about physical compliments in messages. Zoosk found the impact some words have when used in an icebreaker:

• Beautiful - 20% fewer responses
• Cute - 24% fewer messages
• Gorgeous - 22% fewer messages
• Sexy - 13% fewer messages

A better approach is complimenting something you find on the woman's bio. Make it specific. If you see a woman lives a healthy lifestyle, tell her that you admire that she takes care of herself. Maybe you see how a woman has gone skydiving. Compliment her for being adventurous. You'll fare better than the guy who tells her she's "hot."

2. Creepy/Explicit Messages

Never say anything sexual to women in your first message. It's creepy and doesn't work. In fact, you can get kicked off the app if enough women report you for offensive messages. 

An explicit icebreaker makes you look like you have a one-track mind. There's no need to be rude in your messages. It's better to show a general curiosity about something you find in a woman's bio and comment about her bio in your icebreaker.

Lastly, if you send a message like the one below to a woman. You deserve to be ignored.

3. Generic messages 

4. Long-winded messages

I'm a huge proponent of getting to the point in your message. Unfortunately, a lot of men stumble out of the gate. They fumble around and say what doesn't need to be said because it's implied by sending a message itself. Here are a few examples:

• "I noticed your profile and had to say hello."
• "I saw your profile and it caught my attention."
• "I am interested in you."

Do you see how the sentences above aren't necessary? They add no value to the message. There's no need to write, "I noticed your profile and just wanted to say hi." Read that out loud. Can you see how it's meaningless? It's a complete waste of an opening.

The fact you send a message shows a woman you "noticed her profile," and as I mentioned above, instead of saying "hi," mention something in her bio. Trim the fat from your icebreaker. It should be on point.

Below is an example from a man on POF, which is a prime example of one of the icebreakers women hate. 

5. Begging for a response

One thing is certain with women; they love confident men. A man who knows what he wants and isn't the least bit insecure. Yet, many guys show they have zero confidence through their messages on dating apps.

Nothing kills attraction with a woman faster than an insecure man. Begging, sending multiple messages on the same day, or pointing out you're a catch are examples of what not to do in your messages.

Relax after sending a message to a woman. Don't be the guy who checks if the woman is online, read your message, or constantly hit the refresh button, expecting her to send a response. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. 

6. Angry insults

Never send an offensive opening message where you insult a woman. I've seen several instances where a guy sends a message like the one above. It's unbelievable that there are men who send messages where they call women names.

Also, if a woman doesn't respond to your message, don't lash out at her. When you insult a woman, she doesn't think, "Wow, maybe I made a mistake. I better give this guy a second chance!"

If you vent in your message, you only reinforce the fact the woman made the right decision not responding to you in the first place.

Lastly, women can report you for offensive messages. What, you think the app can't see your message? You can get kicked off the app permanently. 

7. Emojis

I don't understand why men send emojis as an icebreaker. It's not cute and never works. It makes you look like some adolescent trying to be cute. 

As I mention above, women respond to confidence. Sending an emoji as your opening message shows zero confidence. It's a lazy approach and should be avoided at all costs.

If you can't take the time to read a woman's bio and think of a conversation starter, why should a woman respond? A lack of effort in your messages shows how serious you are about meeting someone.

Bonus Icebreakers Women Hate

The messages above are the most common icebreakers women hate on dating apps. I thought I would share a few more blunders you may be making right now. 

No profile photos

This isn't necessarily a message error, it's more of a profile mistake. However, this profile blunder impacts your icebreakers because you have no pictures on your profile.

I can't believe in this day and age men think it's acceptable not to have photos in their bio. A lot of men still choose to join dating apps and not upload a single picture. You will never do well on any app if you don't have photos.

Some guys are afraid of being recognized or claim they have "high profile jobs," which is nonsense. Women expect you to have pictures on your profile. 

If a woman sees you don't have pictures, she instantly thinks you're hiding something, possibly cheating. If a woman can share photos of herself, you better as well.

Pet names

Addressing a woman with a pet name is an instant "no." Women do not like seeing pet names in any icebreaker. Examples include:

• babe
• darling
• honey
• sexy
• love

Using a pet name is offensive. The woman doesn't know you, so addressing her as anything other than her first name is a mistake. When you use a pet name with a woman, you may think it's charming, but it's really disrespectful. Don't be surprised when women don't respond to your icebreakers if you use them.

Asking women out in the first message

I am a huge fan of moving quickly on dating apps. You want to get the woman offline because nobody wants a pen pal. I aim to ask a woman after 5 messages. If it takes more time, that's fine, but I do try and ask a woman out sooner than later.

On the flip side, a lot of men women out for a date in their first messages. This is a terrible idea. It's just plain stupid. 

You are a stranger to women. They are already a little skeptical of online dating. Maybe they're uncertain if online dating works, had a bad experience, want to make sure they connect with someone or a host of other reasons. It doesn't matter because they don't know you yet, so stay away from asking a woman out without building up a rapport.

A better approach is swapping a few messages and building a connection. You want the attraction to grow. It's safe to ask a woman out after you establish a conversation, not in your icebreaker.

5 Ways You Can Start Conversations When Women Have Empty Bios.

1. Comment on a photo.

The first way you can start conversations with women with empty bios is by focusing on their photos. This isn't the time to compliment their looks; instead, find something in their picture to kick-start a conversation.

You can easily find clues in a woman's photos; a pet, a cocktail, an outdoor activity, a landmark. Anything in the photo is fair to use.

I find commenting on outdoors photos is a great conversation starter. Below is an example from OkCupid.

And here's an example of an icebreaker on Hinge. Note how I compliment the photo and jokingly compliment the woman's ability to balance herself while holding wine. Adding humor to your message pays huge dividends.

The key in the message above is I compliment the woman's looks. She is gorgeous, but when it comes to photos, don't tell a woman she's attractive because that's an approach most men use. Compliment something in the photo instead.

In this example from POF, the woman had a selfie in front of her swimming pool. The message is simple yet effective.

2. Focus on a woman's profile settings.

In the message below, I use a friendly approach asking Nina about her pets. Note how I mention I'm also a dog owner and provide some details about my pet. 

Another great way to start a conversation is by commenting on drinks. In the example below on OkCupid, I see the woman is a social drinker in her basics section. 

Asking a woman about her taste in drinks is a great icebreaker.  You see below that my opening message works. 

3. Ask women what they enjoy doing on weekends.

Another effective icebreaker is asking women what they enjoy doing on the weekend. Take the example below from Hinge.

I ask Heather what she enjoys on the weekend while also sharing something I find fun. The result? Heather responds, and a conversation is started.

Why does asking "what makes you happy" work? I think because it puts women in a happy mindset and keeps the positive mojo going.

No matter how crappy a woman's day is, asking her what makes her happy changes her mindset. This is a great way to starting conversations with women who have a blank bio because it's unique and positive.

4. Compliment women who like your profile.

This approach is an incredibly powerful way to start conversations with women, and it works! Below is the same message in action on Hinge. 

Use the message when a woman likes your profile, a photo, or something you write about yourself. 

5. Give women a list of traits pointing towards you.

The last approach I like using shows I have a great sense of humor; and a little cocky. I choose two sets of traits and ask women which they prefer in a man.

The kicker is asking women if they want a man who posses all the traits I just shared, namely me! Here is the message in action on Coffee Meets Bagel.

The woman responds because it's funny. Note that I use the smiley face to show humor. This is a fantastic icebreaker. 

Step outside your comfort zone and have fun with it. Come up with unique traits that are positive, confident, and describe yourself. Maybe even a little edgy.

Here is the message on Hinge with a slight variation from the message above. I use the words "masculinity" instead of "humor." 

Final Thoughts

Starting conversations with women who have empty bios is easy. Most men put low effort into their messages and see little to no responses.

When a woman has an empty profile, don't use that as a justification for sending a low effort message. Don't write "hi" or "how's your day" to women who have empty bios. With a little effort, your message can stand out in a woman's inbox.

Use one of there approaches because they work:

1. Comment on a photo.
2. Focus on a woman's profile settings.
3. Ask women what they enjoy doing on weekends.
4. Compliment women who like your profile.
5. Give women a list of traits pointing towards you.

The key in each of these is conveying a positive vibe in your message. Have fun, and show confidence.

If you sit there and try and come up with THE perfect message, you'll overthink it and end up stumbling. Instead, adopt a "let's have fun" attitude. I know it sounds silly, but it works!

I never take it personally when a woman doesn't respond, nor do I sit there and spend 20 minutes thinking of a message afraid it will scare her off. Just write!

I've used these messages for years; the one that works best for me is mentioning my dog. Women love a man who has a pet. 

Use the messages above. Tweak them to fit your lifestyle. Come up with your own approaches, and feel free to share them below.

Don't Send Desperate Messages To Women

Never send desperate messages to women on dating apps. It's a surefire way for you to be immediately rejected. A common problem with men is sending messages which instantly turn women off because they reek of desperation.

I've discussed how to craft great icebreakers on a post here; What Are Good Online Dating First Message Tips For Men? Unfortunately, most men send bad opening messages to women.

There are many traits you can show in your icebreaker; confidence, humor, modesty, and curiosity about the woman you're messaging. The last thing you want to show is how needy you are.

Below are the most common way of showing desperation in messages to women. Double-check if you're guilty of any of these disastrous approaches because it appears most men don't realize they come across as desperate.

1. Asking needless questions.

Don't ask women questions which show you are needy and insecure. I shouldn't have to explain why, but the cringe-worthy messages below show women one thing; the guys are insecure.

Read the messages below from POF out loud; "Talk to me?" Why on earth would a woman agree to talk to this man? No woman would.

"What can I do to take you out for dinner?" Oh boy, no connection exists. No chemistry. Nothing. The guy is a total stranger, and no woman is going to agree to a date right off the bat.

2. Avoid words which show a lack of confidence.

Women respond to men who are positive and know what they want — men who are secure in themselves and exude confidence. Unfortunately, a lot of guys fail to show any confidence.

One of the top desperate messages to women is asking women for permission to have a conversation. Avoid these words at all cost:

• if
• maybe
• would
• perhaps
• can
• could

I've seen tons of men write messages such as "Would you like to chat" or "If you're interested, let me know." What's wrong with these messages, you ask? Read them out loud.

Do they show any confidence? No, they don't. Seriously, "would you like to chat?" Why even ask that? If a woman wants to chat with you, she will.

"Perhaps we can meet..." or "can we chat.... or "maybe we can chat if you're interested" are common messages men send. You want to be direct in your messages and not hide behind passive words like the ones above.

3. Sending multiple messages to women.

One of the fundamental message tips I recommend is sending a second message if a woman doesn't respond to your icebreaker. Wait a day or so, and send a second message.

I covered what you should do if a woman doesn't respond to your icebreaker in this post: 3 Simple Rules for Messaging Etiquette on Dating Apps.

After your second message, you can assume women aren't interested if they don't respond. Never send multiple messages.

Some women are busy, some take breaks from dating apps, and some aren't on dating apps 24 hours a day. Too many guys send 3, 4, 5 messages in a 24 hour period, which is the kiss of death.

If a woman doesn't respond to your icebreaker, send a second message, and leave it at that. If a connection is meant to be, it will happen. You only ensure failure when you send more than two messages.

4. Writing long-winded messages.

Your icebreaker should be a few sentences and not a paragraph. Your icebreaker must be tight and on-point. As with all messages, inject humor, confidence, and ask open-ended questions.

One way men show desperation is writing long-winded messages that say nothing. These are messages guys typically send to attractive women where they restate information from their dating profile.

Instead of writing a message that tries to establish a connection, this approach goes on and on. Long-winded messages are boring to women and result in an instant rejection.

Your icebreaker should focus on the woman showing you have similar interests; that's how you create a connection. Don't make the mistake of rehashing what's in your profile in your opening message because it makes you appear desperate; let your profile speak for you instead.

5. Hyping yourself the wrong way.

​Another way of showing desperation is by writing a message stating how much of a catch you are. Examples include when guys write how they are a "guy who has a lot to offer," mention their luxury car or talk about their high paying job attempting to impress women.

Let your bio show you're a catch and worth meeting. Sending messages like these are pretty desperate. Can you see why?

The messages above are terrible icebreakers. In the first message, the guy writes what he thinks women want to hear and doesn't make a good first impression. In the second message, the guy offers nothing about who he is and leans on his job to impress the woman hoping she cares about his paycheck.

A better way to hype yourself is to have fun with it. Show some confidence and humor as I do in the message below.

The message above is effective because it shows confidence. Do I appear desperate or needy? No! I am self-assured and a little cocky; the woman responds.

Final Thoughts

The last thing you want is sending desperate messages to women on dating apps. You may not realize you are sending these type of messages, so pay attention. 

Women respond to confidence, humor, and men who know what they want. Sending multiple messages, asking women why they aren't interested, or blasting them with 4 or 5 messages in a day are all less than ideal approaches. 

First impressions are critical on dating apps. There are no second chances when you show desperation. The goal of this post is preventing you from making the mistakes that many men do on dating apps.

Keep it Ninja!

Messaging Etiquette on Dating Apps for Icebreakers

If a woman doesn't respond to your icebreaker, what is the proper messaging etiquette? Should you send a second message? Yes! Always send a second message to women when they don't respond to your initial message.

Regardless of the dating app you're on; Tinder, Match.com, POF, Eharmony, Coffee Meets Bagel, Zoosk, etc. You have nothing to lose sending a second message. What's the worst that can happen? She doesn't respond? Big deal!

Regardless of what you believe is the right messaging etiquette, I've always sent second messages to women. Why? Because women respond!

If you need help with your first message, visit my blog post where I share tips for your icebreaker; 3 Good Conversation Starters for Online Dating Messages To Women.

When do you send a second message to women?

Hinge found sending a second message results in a response in more than one in three cases. The app also found if you don't send that second message, you have a one in 500 chance of getting a response, so it is worth it to send a second message.

If a woman doesn't respond to your first message, go ahead and send another. The question changes to WHEN should you send a second message?

Here are three rules you must follow when it comes to sending your second message. Pay attention and follow them completely; otherwise, you risk not getting a reply.

1. Wait at least 24 hours.

I get it, you're excited when you see a great match with a woman. Maybe she's super attractive or matches up with your lifestyle. She's perfect for you.

You send that first message, but she doesn't respond. Maybe you even see she's online at some point. However, she still hasn't responded. What's the proper message etiquette in this case? Wait!

Don't jump the gun and send an icebreaker then send your second message 2 hours later. A lot of men make this fatal mistake. You look insecure and needy.

The ideal time between a first message and second is at least 24 hours; minimum.

2. Send a completely different message.

When you send your second message, don't copy the same message. Here's an example from POF.

Choose something else in her profile and comment on that. Maybe a photo. Anything. You can even have fun with your second message asking if she didn't respond because she was intimidated by your good looks. 

3. Don't send more than 2 messages.

If a woman doesn't respond to your second message, leave it at that. Don't send a third message; you'll appear desperate and annoying.

Also, don't get angry or upset if a woman doesn't respond to your second message. A lot of men get angry and hurl insults at women. Don't be that guy.

Take the example from POF that my friend Lisa shared with me. The guy below sent five messages to her and insulted her in his last message.

If a woman doesn't respond to your second message, as the Beatles sang, Let is Be.
It may pay off in the long run if you let it be. Not all women are online. You may be pleasantly surprised as some women may reach out to you weeks or months later as this woman did on OkCupid.

Final Thoughts

When a woman doesn't respond to your first message, the proper messaging etiquette is to send a second message; always! You have nothing to lose sending a second message and everything to gain.

There are many reasons women don't respond to your message within the first day.

• The woman isn't as active as you on dating apps.
• Sometimes life takes precedence over online dating, and she had other priorities.
• Your message got lost in their inbox among a sea of other guys.
• Maybe your first message was bad.

And the list goes on. There are too many reasons to list, but the fact is you should always send a follow-up message. Just wait a full day and send a second message because you may just get a response.

Share your experiences below? Should you send a second message to women? What's your success rate?

The Biggest Mistake Men Make In Messages To Women

The biggest mistake men make in messages on dating apps is not commenting on the woman’s dating profile. When you comment on a woman’s profile, it shows you took the time to learn more about her and aren’t like most other guys who comment on photos or worse, send terrible opening messages which show zero effort.

Too often guys send low-effort messages such as "hi" or "how's your day." Maybe these guys think it's a numbers game and treat it like fishing; casting lines out (messages) and hoping a woman responds.  

The reality is this; you might get a response or two with a message which says "hey there," but you'll fare better reading a woman's profile and commenting on it. 

Women want an effort in your messages

Every guy on a dating app ultimately runs into women who tells him to put some effort into his message; like this woman on Tinder:

Even after seeing this on a woman's profile, most guys take the easy approach and write "hello" or "how are you." No introduction whatsoever. Zero effort.

A recent post on Reddit asked women, "What's the biggest issue you've had with online dating?" The female responses were overwhelming; some women had issues with the number of married men, some mentioned the lack of effort on profile and some mentioned messages men send.

Take this response to the post; "Dudes either not reading my profile, or choosing to ignore stuff in it..." This lack of effort is not surprising.

A few years ago, I created a fake female profile because I wanted to see if men read dating profiles. No shock; most men didn't read the profile I created and sent terrible opening messages.

You can read the blog post here: I Went Undercover As A Hot Girl On A Dating Website. Here’s The Results

The easiest way to start a conversation with women on a dating app is asking questions about something on their dating profile. You can see examples of how to start conversations with women on dating sites in this blog post; 3 Good Conversation Starters for Online Dating Messages To Women.

Don't ignore your dating profile

Don't underestimate the impact your profile has on your responses from women. You may have the best message ever, but if your profile stinks, women will ignore you. This woman on OkCupid put it best:

Assuming your icebreaker is good, the first thing a woman does is read your profile. If your profile has bad photos, shows a lack of effort, is full of misspelled words, shows negativity ("I'm not here for games or drama"), or a host of other red flags, she will instantly delete your message.

One female Redditor wrote this about seeing men who put zero effort into their self-summary, "How about the typical 'I'll finish this later' on their profile because they can't take the time to write a decent blurb about themselves. You’re boring and lazy. Next."

Take the time to necessary to put up a great profile and give depth; write about how you're unique. Include goals, achievements, your weekend interests, or what you're passionate about doing.

Never write, "I'll finish this later" or "Just ask." Women are not going to see either of those and respond. As one woman commented, "No, I am not going to pull teeth to get to know you."

Here are some profile tips to help you do better on dating apps:

1. 7 Things You Ought To Do On Your Dating Profile To Attract Women
2.  How To Take Good Dating Profile Photos For Men
3.  10 Things Men Should Never Write On Their Dating Profile
4.  How To Create A Good Dating Site Username
5.  10 Online Dating Profile Headline Tips for Men

How to get responses with women

Avoiding the biggest mistake men make in messages on dating apps is simple. You must put effort into your messages. It takes a little work, but it's worth it. Stop writing "How are you?" in your messages and instead do this:

1. Read the woman's bio. You must do recon on a woman's profile. Read it end-to-end. Everything a woman shares on her bio is fair game. Women are literally giving you conversation starters in their bio; it's your job to take that information and turn it into a question.

2. Focus on things you have in common. I recommend looking for common interests. Find things you enjoy doing that the woman writes about in her bio. Here's the key, you cannot write "Hey, we have similar interests" and leave it at that. Your profile must prove it as well as your opening message.

In this example, from Tinder, I focused on this woman's description of how active she is. I'm an active guy myself who enjoys the outdoors and zeroed in on this to start my conversation.

3. Ask an open-ended question. Craft a message which shows you have something in common. The best approach for an icebreaker is asking something that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Read your message out loud if you must because you will hear if a woman can respond with a yes or no to your question.

Continuing the example from above, I compliment the woman that she's active and fit and ask her an open-ended question about what she enjoys. Pay attention to what I do; I share what I enjoy doing. 

This tip is key; always answer whatever question you ask a woman. If you ask a woman what her favorite cocktail is, share yours. Make sense?

4. Send your message. Simple. Send your message and let whatever happens, happen. You see in my example below the woman responded to my message. I started a conversation by complimenting her lifestyle (not her photos) and shared we have common interests with my opening message.

5. Don't dwell on it. One of the biggest mistakes men make is not having patience. Depending on the site, some guys will check if the woman they sent a message to is online or looked at their profile hoping she responds.

And if the woman doesn't respond within a few hours, some guys make a huge blunder by sending a second message. Then a third. Then a fourth. Don't send a bunch of messages to a woman before she responds because you'll look like a creep and only ensure the woman never replies. Desperation is not an attractive trait with women.

Every single woman will not respond. It's how it is on dating apps. Send your message and leave it at that. You can send a second message a few days later, but make sure it's completely different.

If a woman doesn't respond after your second message; it's time to move on. Women do not owe you anything for sending a message. And for goodness sake, never lash out at a woman if she doesn't respond to your message.

What if a woman's bio is blank or shares nothing?

The best way to start a conversation with women is commenting on their written bio. However, sometimes women put zero effort into their written section. In this case, look for icebreakers in their photos.  

For example, I read the bio of a beautiful woman on POF. She shared nothing about herself, so I decided to comment on her photos. I saw she is an avid traveler based on her photos, which you see below. I used her pictures as a conversation starter.

You see in the message below I asked about any future travel plans then asked some basic questions so I could find her interests or hobbies. Asking a woman what she enjoys doing in her free time is a great way to gather information she doesn't share in her profile.  

You see the result of my message. The woman responded. It's not the greatest response, but that's not the point. The goal if your first message is to get a reply. If it's a one-word response, a sentence, or a long paragraph; it doesn't matter. You only want the woman to respond so you can take it from there.

Final Thoughts

The biggest mistake men make in messages to women is not commenting on their profile. Women get tons of messages from men, so it's critical your message sands out if you want a reply.

Always follow these keys:

• Look for common interests in a woman's bio.
• Anything shared in a bio can be brought up in your message.
• Ask open-ended questions about a woman's bio.
• Avoid asking anything which can be answered with a "yes" or "no."
• If a woman has a blank bio, focus on her photos.
• Ensure you put effort into your profile because women go through it with a fine-toothed comb.

Sending messages isn't rocket science. Don't make it harder than it needs to be. Be light, fun, charming, and confident, and you'll fare better than the rest of the men who put zero effort into their profile or messages.

What do you think is the biggest mistake men make in messages to women? Leave your thoughts below.