How To Reach Out To Someone You Ghosted In The Past

If you want to reach out to someone you ghosted, and reconnect with women from the past, send a friendly message so you can reignite the conversation. You have nothing to lose.

Don't overthink it. Send a message. The woman might respond or she might not. No biggie. Some women may get upset while others continue where you last left off.

If a woman is angry or ignore your message, it's the risk you take because you vanished, but if she responds, it's worth it. The goal of your first "post ghosting" message is getting your foot back in the door and starting from where you left off.

In case you're curious, ghosting is vanishing or disappearing with no explanation; no phone calls, no texts, or no messages.  For a full description of ghosting, and other terms, visit my blog post What Are The Meaning Of Common Online Dating Terms?

I'm guilty of ghosting women for whatever reason I had at the time. I experimented and reached out with women I ghosted, all in the name of "science" for this blog post. I wanted to see how women would react after ghosting and then coming back.

Let me be clear, the tips on this post are for women you texted or traded messages on a dating app. If you met someone and ghosted them, well, I can't help you there.

The ideal approach after you ghost a woman

The first message should be light and fun. Here's an example; "I can't believe you ghosted me. Were you intimidated by my dreamy smile or was it my bad boy tendencies? 🙂 How have you been?"

It's clear I'm playing around in the message. I half-heartedly blame the woman. Then I add a cocky statement including my "bad boy tendencies." I'm mocking my good-natured personality because I'm not a bad boy.

You can see the energy in the message too; it's positive and light. I finish it off with a smiley face which emphasizes the humor.

Whatever approach you choose when you reach out to someone you ghosted, don't do these in your initial message:

• Explain for why you went MIA.
• Come up with excuses.
• Ask for forgiveness or apologize; "I dropped the ball and hope you forgive me."
• Ask permission to talk; "Maybe we can talk?"

Maybe you met someone, perhaps you had personal things which were a priority, or maybe you were just an asshole. It doesn't matter, do not explain why you vanished in your first message.

Ultimately, the woman will want to know what happened, and this is when you are honest why you ghosted. Some women won't even bring it up and will be OK, and in some cases, happy to hear from you.

Lastly, some women will ignore you, and some may get upset, others may tell you they met someone and are in a relationship. You'll know by the tone of the response if she's still interested. If she's moved on, wish her "good luck," and move on yourself.

How To Reconnect With Women Through Texting

For the first part of my experiment, I focused on women I texted in the past. These are women where I had moved communication off the dating sites and to the phone.

Why I ghosted isn't important, and I don't remember anyway. I went through my contacts and selected women I last texted from as far as four months away and as recent as two months.  

In total, I texted 19 women and 8 responded which is better than I thought I would (2 of them had boyfriends). I went in with zero expectations and got over a 40% response rate. Not too shabby.

The first example is with a woman I last texted four months ago. The message I used is the one from above; "I can't believe you ghosted me. Were you intimidated by my dreamy smile or was it my bad boy tendencies? 🙂   How have you been?"

Remember, the goal of your first message is to start a new conversation; not to continue a previous one. You want to get your "foot in the door."  The approach worked which you see below.

Another approach to reach out to someone you ghosted.

In the following examples, I used this as my opening message: "What in the world have you been up to? I'm guessing you focused on work or took a break from dating because there is no way you found a guy cooler than me."

There are two things I want to point out the screenshots below.

1. I misspelled the word "have." I wrote "hahe" and had no idea I did this until creating this blog post. Funny how none of the women paid attention to that.
   
   
2. I add a smiley face at the end of the message (as I do with all of these types of message) to emphasize the humor.

The message worked very well:

The responses vary, but the goal of the message worked; to start conversations with women I ghosted in the past.  

Women may forget who you are.

Sending messages to a woman you ghosted might not work because she deleted your number, lost your contact information, or got a new phone. Take this example when the woman responded that she "deleted everybody" from her phone.   

Dave??? Whoops, I'm not Dave. If a woman guesses wrong, don't get upset, joke around with her as I do here:

The girl not only forgot about me at first but thought I was someone else. Did that stop me? Nope! After sending a photo the girl remembers who I am, and the conversation takes off from where we last left it.  

Sometimes sending messages to women you ghosted doesn't work.

It's not always a happy ending when you text women you ghosted. In the message below, the woman says she "lost all of my contacts" which is short for "I deleted your number, but am curious who this is." OK, that's fine. Remember, it's all about starting a conversation.

She remembers me, but dropped the hammer; she tells me she has a boyfriend. It doesn't matter if it's true or not; the message is loud and clear; "no longer interested."  

With that, I bid her adieu! When a woman tells you she's with someone else, the only thing you should do is move on. Say something nice and respect she's with someone else; you did ghost her remember? So you can't be upset with her when in fact you vanished.

In this example, I start the conversation, and the woman immediately tells me she's dating someone. That's life.

How To Reconnect With Women You Messaged Only On Dating Apps

What if you never made it to the text messaging stage (never getting a number), and only traded messages on the dating app itself? How do you reach out to someone you ghosted in the past?

I decided to reconnect with women I ghosted on OkCupid, Match, Hinge, Tinder, Christian Mingle, and JDate. The response percentages dropped by 10%.  I sent messages to 44 women, and 13 responded. That's a 30% response rate (rounded up) which is a smaller percentage than the ones I texted directly (40% response rate).

Let's look at the first message I use; "Wow, I can't believe you ghosted me. You were either intimidated by my dreamy smile or my bad boy tendencies. Which is it? :-)"

The message is nearly identical to the one I used in my text messages. The message is effective which you see in this example from Tinder.

I used the same message on Hinge, and the woman responded quickly.

Here's another message I use; "I haven't heard from you in ages and can only assume you ghosted me because of my devastating good looks or my out of this world charm. Which was it...probably both!  Ha!  🙂  How have you been?"

No explanation why I ghosted, I use humor to reignite the conversation.  The message works great.  Here it is in action on various dating apps.

The last message I use is "What in the world have you been up to? I'm guessing you focused on work or took a break from dating because there is no way you found a guy cooler than me on here."  

This message is the exact message I sent above in text messages. It's a great message to reach out to someone you ghosted in the past.

Below is a conversation with a woman on Christian Mingle. She responds to one of my messages above, and you see by her tone she didn't find my message funny. She told me she messaged me last (which she did), and that was the last I heard from her. 

If a woman isn't happy to hear from you, it's OK. Remember, you ghosted her so don't get upset if she isn't thrilled to hear from you again. The only thing is moving on at this point.  Don't waste your time sending a second message in these circumstances.

Final Thoughts

My "not so scientific test" has decent results. I texted 19 women, and 8 responded. I sent 44 messages on various dating apps, and 13 women responded. Not too shabby.

I think the reason I have a higher response rate with women via text is that I have their numbers already whereas the apps our communication was only through messages making it less personal.

I went in expecting the majority of women would ignore me (which many did) but was pleasantly surprised so many responded. I also assumed a few women would be upset and only one wasn't happy to hear from me.  

Is it OK to reach out to someone you ghosted off a dating site? Absolutely. You've got nothing to lose so do it. Remember these tips for your initial message to women:

• Don't over think it - just write your message.
• Use a light approach in your first message (feel free to use my messages above).
• Be aware the woman might not be thrilled hearing from you.
• Don't explain why you vanished in your initial message. Let it come up naturally in the conversation.  
• If a woman says "no thanks" or "met someone," move on.

It's easy!  Good luck and Keep it Ninja!

Will you reach out to someone you ghosted?  Have you ghosted women and sent messages later?  Share your story or thoughts below.

​How To Use The Clover Dating App 

The Clover dating app is relatively new, has plenty of women, and some useful features, but is the Clover app any good?  I decided to use the app for a week to see of myself and want to share my thoughts on the app.

Is the Clover app a good way to meet women?  Is the app any good?  How do you use it?  Keep reading below for a full overview of Clover.

If you're curious about my review of the Clover Dating app, you can check it out here: Clover Dating App Review – Is It A Good Way For Men To Meet Women?

How to get the Clover Dating App 

You can quickly get the app by visiting the Clover website or visit the app store depending on your device.  

There is no desktop front-end like Tinder or Match.com.   You'll have to use your phone to meet women on Clover.

Is Clover free?

You can use Clover for free, but it's not worth it.  The free functionality is worthless.  If you want to fully use Clover to meet women you have to pay to use the app.

You'll pay a subscription through the app store.  As of now, it's $29.99 a month.   There are cheaper options the longer you commit, however.

Clover offers a free 7-day trial membership though.  I highly recommend using the free 7-day option before deciding to use the app.    

How to set up a profile on the Clover app

Setting up a profile on Clover is similar to other dating apps.  It's basic and straightforward.

1. Load photos - You can share up to 15 photos on your Clover bio.  Options to load photos include your phone, Instagram, and Facebook.
2. Write your bio - You are given a limited amount of space to write about yourself on Clover.  You're only allowed to write about 200 characters on your bio, so make it count.  
3. Link to social media - Clover allows you to link your profile to your Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat accounts.
4. Play 20 questions - Answer 20 basic personality questions which you can use to compare against women's answers ( more on this below).
5. Choose interests - Select various interests which are displayed on your bio.

What are 20 Questions on the Clover app?

Clover has a game which presents you a series of simple questions which you can answer and compare with women.  The questions are basic and show a bit of your personality; you're presented with 2 answers.

With only 20 questions, you can blaze through them quickly, and when browsing women's profiles, you can compare your answers with theirs (assuming they play the game).  The questions are light and not that deep.

What are Mixers on Clover

Clover has "Mixers" which are topics, similar to forums, full of people who share that interests.  With Mixers, you join groups of singles, throughout the country, with common interests.

Are Clover Mixers good?  No.  My issue is it's full of dudes with selfies and requests to add them to Snapchat.

The concept is a good idea; I was hoping for something similar to Reddit where people have discussions, but it's mainly dudes looking for women. 

How to use the Clover app to meet women

Clover will present you women based on your settings.  They offer a great filtering tool (with paid service) that's very easy to use.  It's integrated quite well in the browser.

When presented a profile, you can do one of the following:

1. "Pass" and move on to the next woman.
2. Send a message to her.
3. Add her to your favorites.

Starting conversations with women on Clover is pretty much the same as every app.  Click on the message bubble and get to writing.  There's no swiping on Clover.  You either "pass" or send them a message.

Clover also offers a quick and easy way to set up a date with their "Request Date" feature, which I cover below.  You basically ask a woman out by picking a date, time, and place.  She'll either accept or decline.

What do the icons on Clover mean?

When you browse women's photos, you're presented 3 icons below each photo.  The icons on Clover allow you to do different things.  Pretty straightforward.

What do Boosts on Clover do?

Does Clover have boosts?  Why, of course, it does.  After all, they need to make more money, right?  Clover offers you a "boost" feature to show your profile to more women; at a cost.

Clover uses boosts as a money grab.  If you have a good bio, these won't help.  You don't need boosts to meet women; save your money.  

How to set up a date on Clover

Clover has a feature where you can propose a time and a place to meet a woman for a date.   Here's how to do it:

At the bottom of a woman's dating profile click the "Request Date" text and you'll be able to suggest a time and place to meet her.  She'll either accept or say "no thanks."

Note that women will also propose dates with you on Clover.  You can accept or decline their date.  Women are given the same options below to either accept your date or decline.

What I like about Clover

Here are a few things I like about Clover.  Full disclosure, I tested the app in San Diego.

• There are women of all ages using the app.  I found women in 20's, 30's, 40's, and beyond.
• Women use the setup date feature to propose a date with you if they're interested.  I had several women ask me out which is refreshing.
• Free 7 day trial.  This is a great way to figure out if Clover is for you.
• Clover is easy to set up.  You'll be up and running pretty quick.
• You can add a lot of photos to show your passions and hobbies (15 in total).
• Great filtering mechanism which is integrated well with the app.
• Beneath women's profiles are their interests broken down by keywords which makes it very easy to spot things you have in common.  
• You can look at the women you hit "pass" on.  This is cool because maybe you passed on someone when you didn't mean to.  You can go back and look at all the women you passed on to give them a second chance.

What I  don't like about Clover

Not all is great with Clover.  Here are a few of the things I don't like about the Clover dating app.

• Not as many women are on Clover as Tinder or Bumble.
• The price!  $29.99 for one month is too much.  
• I don't like the "setting up date" feature.  It doesn't show confidence.   It's more of a novelty, and I feel like I'm ordering a pizza.
• Mixers.  I like the concept, but the reality is tons of guys use it just ask for dates and promote themselves with selfies.
• The app isn't as fast as I like.  I notice a lag when I write a message.  
• I hate the concept of boosts.  I'm paying $29 to use the app, the fact I have to pay MORE to have my profile presented to women is annoying.
• There is no simple "like" option such as Tinder.  You get two options; an X to "pass" on someone or you can add them to your favorites.  You'll find yourself with tons of favorites which is stupid.

Final Thoughts

Is the Clover dating app any good?  It's OK.  There are better options to meet women than Clover.  For the cost to use the app, I'd recommend Match, Eharmony or even Bumble over the Clover dating app.  

Clover has some good features, but there aren't enough women on it to justify the monthly cost.  The best thing is you can use Clover for free for 7 days.  So, if you want to know if Clover is for you, you can use it for a week, free of charge, and see for yourself if you want to pay for it.

At this point though, however, I can't recommend Clover over other dating apps.  There are women on it, but not as many as Tinder or Bumble.  

If you want to know more about Bumble, I cover it in another blog post; How To Use The Bumble Dating App To Meet Women.

What are your experiences with the Clover dating app?  Share your thoughts below.

What is the Pure hookup app?

The Pure hookup app is a great way to meet women for casual encounters. No dating. No romance. Pure is not a relationship dating app.

Is Pure a good way to meet women? Is Pure free? What are some of the features? How does Pure work? Keep reading to find out everything about Pure.

How to setup the Pure app on your phone.

You can get up and running on Pure in seconds. Just download the app from your app store or the Pure website.

You are required to register (and login) with either an Apple ID or Google ID. Pure doesn't require a phone number nor an email address.

Pure offers a desktop version.

There is a desktop version of Pure. Unfortunately, it's clunky and not as intuitive as the mobile app.

Pure uses your location for finding women.

The Pure app uses your GPS location to find women using the app. If you're using the desktop version, you will need to give Pure access to your location.

Check your settings!

You can change several general settings on Pure. There's no filtering tool on Pure. It's simple for a reason. Here are settings you can change;

• Gender settings - You can change what you're looking for on Pure.
• Set distance- Go to the Settings tab directly in the app. After tapping on "kilometers," your distance will be switched to "miles," and vice versa. Note: this is just how the distance is displayed; miles vs. kilometers.
• Purchase "add-on features" such as King of the Hill, Instant Chats, and gifts. More on these below.
• Notifications - turn on notifications when you receive a message or like.

I recommend turning your notifications settings to "on." Pure is an app that you want to know when a woman likes you. Don't hesitate to start a conversation. If you delay starting a conversation, other guys will step up and take your place.

Do you create a profile on Pure?

No, you don't create a profile on Pure. The app does allow you to create a photo album, which I recommend. Note, women cannot see your album. 

Once you start a conversation with women, you can share pictures from your album. It's just easier than digging through your phone for photos.

How to post an ad on Pure.

If you want to meet women on Pure, you must post an add. Be descriptive about what you're looking for. You can add a photo if you want, but it's not required.

For your ad, share a bit about yourself. Don't write how you're "hung" and how great you are at oral. Most men write those types of things.

Instead, use adjectives to describe yourself. Share that you're dominant, assertive, handsome, and in great shape. Be honest about your ideas and desire and your ad will stand out.
 
Also, if you live alone, include it in your ad. Believe me, women are not looking to hookup with men who have roommates. Having your own place is a huge selling point.

It's a good idea to write what you're looking for in a woman. This shows you're an alpha male who knows what he wants and not another guy hoping women choose you. There's a difference.

You can add a photo to your ad; it's not required. Pure will show a generic image with your ad. It's your call if you want to add a photo to your ad.

Once active, your ad is shown indefinitely... sorta.

It's easy to post your ad on Pure. Just click the "Post Ad" button, and it will be added to Pure's feed.

Your ad will be shown to women forever. There's no time limit. You can remove it from Pure's feed by going back into your ad and clicking the "Hide Ad" button.

How to use the Pure hookup app.

Pure presents you women based on your setting (at the top of the screen). From there, you simply scroll down (and up), looking at the women.

The app presents you women based on your location. Women who are closest to you are displayed at the top of the scroll.

Pure has a filter that allows you to change how women are displayed in your feed. You can customize these settings:

• Location settings.
• Choose a specific city - Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston, etc.
• Show women who are online or offline.
• Display women who have photos in their ad.
• Choose the sexuality of women - hetero, bisexuals, asexuals.

Below is an example of changing the "Anywhere" settings. Pure allows you to adjust how far away women are displayed in your feed.

There are several ways to show a woman you're interested in her on Pure. Within each woman's ad are three icons you can click to show interest.

Are there women on Pure? YES!

You'll be happy to know there are a lot of women using Pure. However, it seems the app is best for guys living in large cities. Smaller towns may not have as many women using the app right now.

Also, there appears to be a greater number of women under 35 years old on the app. There are women over 35 and beyond, but they aren't in great numbers.

The good news is Pure is gaining popularity. There are more and more women using the app across all age groups.

How the chat feature works on Pure.

Once you start a chat with a woman, you have precisely 24 hours to swap messages with her. All chats disappear when the 24-hour window is up.

On Pure, there's no time to beat around the bush with long-winded conversations. So get the woman's number or chat id (KIK, WhatsApp, etc..) as soon as possible.

What happens if your session expires in the middle of a chat? Don't worry; Pure will keep your chat going for the remainder of your 24-hour window. After your time expires, the chat disappears as normal.

You can turn off the self-destructing chat timer.

Pure gives you the ability to extend your chat beyond 24-hours. In the top right-hand corner of the chat screen is the text "turn off chat timer."

You click the text, and Pure will send the woman a message to disable the chat timer. If she agrees, you can chat as long as you like.

Pure then assigns a random nickname to the woman. You can change the nickname to anything you like.

Pure is a paid app - there are no free features.

The Pure app isn't free. There's a cost to use it. You can download it for free, but you must pay to meet women using the app.

Note that the subscription has an auto-renewal. If you decide Pure isn't for you, cancel it, or you'll be charged again.

What is King of the Hill?

King of the Hill is a way to get your profile front and center. It's a premium feature, so it costs extra.

When King of the Hill, your ad is shown at the top of the feed. How long does King of the Hill last? While you are online or until another guy outbids you.

How to change your photo on Pure

You can only change your photo when you're not active.  Tap the "X" on the top right corner of your photo and the app will delete your picture.  You can replace your photo by taking a selfie or selecting a photo from your phone.

Look out for bots and scammers.

Pure, like most dating apps, have fakes, so be careful.  I covered how to protect yourself in a previous blog post; How To Spot Scammers On Dating Sites And Protect Yourself.

On Pure, typically, a fake "woman" will attempt to immediately get you off the app in the first message. Look out for anyone sending a KIK, Instagram, or Snapchat ID in an opening message. These are mostly likely fake profiles.

Here is an example of a bot on Pure so be wary when you get a response pointing you to
a number or chat tool immediately.

5 tips for meeting women on Pure.

Here are a few tips for you to help you meet women on the Pure hookup app:

1. Write a great ad. Yes, you need a great photo, but it's critical you write something good in your ad. Women are on Pure for a reason, so don't be shy sharing what you want.
   
   
2. Use your best picture. First impressions are everything, so use a full-body picture. I recommend clothes on. After that, it's your call if you're comfortable.
   
   
3. Weekends are where it's at. Women are very active on Fridays and Saturdays. According to Pure, a good time to post is after 6 PM, with peak hours being 9 PM - 1 AM. I certainly saw a lot more women online in the evening than during the day.
   
   
4. Cut the chit-chat. There is no need for long conversations on Pure. Women are on it for a reason. Get to the point or risk some other guy capturing her attention.
   
   
5. The only premium feature I recommend is Instant Chat. It's a high-risk, high-reward feature. You're sending an icebreaker instead of a "like," which is a better first impression. Make your icebreaker count - don't just write "hey" or "hello." Be assertive and confident!

What I like about Pure

• It's easy to use.
• Quick setup time.
• No need to create a bio.
• There's no need to beat around the bush; women are on it for a reason.
• Probably the best "hook up app" right now.
• Pure is a great app if you're under 35 and live in a large city.
• "Instant Chat" feature is high risk, high reward.

What I don't like about Pure

• Lack of females, but it's growing.
• The app shows women hundreds of miles away.
• There are bots on this app. You've been warned. 
• Escorts are on the app. Again, you've been warned. 
• There is no filtering mechanism to search for what you want.
• There's no free trial - you have to pay to play.
• No ideal if you're over 40.
• Not be the best option if you live in a smaller city.
• Add on features such as "King of the Hill" and "Roses" are not recommended.

Final Thoughts

Pure has evolved since I first tested it for my blog in 2018. At the time, I didn't recommend the app. There were too few women and too many fakes/spammers.

In 2021 my view has changed. It's a very good app if you're looking for a hookup. There are more and more women checking out Pure and using it for casual dating.

The app is constantly evolving. So the screenshots of the features in this post may change a year from now. But the fundamentals will always be the same: post an ad, like women, start conversations.

Make no mistake, Pure doesn't have a Tinder-like volume of female members. However, if you're looking for an app where most women seek FWB's, hookups, and one-night stands - Pure may be the app for you.

Most dating sites have some sort of "like" functionality to show women you're interested.  Do likes work for men?  Should you use them?  How do likes work on dating sites?

The short answer is no; never use a "like" as a way to signal interest if you can send a message instead. Messages are the best way to make a first impression.

Likes are low-effort approaches to start conversations... a "like" is basically just a click of a button.  The ideal way to make the first move is to send a message... pure and simple.

If you need help creating messages that get responses, check out my blog post: How To Write A Good First Message To A Girl On A Dating Site.

A "like" has different meanings depending on the dating site.  On sites like Tinder, a like is the same thing as swiping right; which shows you're interested in someone.

To start a conversation, the woman must like you back. 

On other sites, OkCupid for example, you are given tools to show you "like" a woman without sending a message.

As I stated above, to start conversations on some dating sites you must both like each other first.  Tinder and Bumble are examples.  You need to like each other to trade messages.

When you both like each other, you can start a conversation:

Do likes work on these sites?  Of course, because you must like a woman in order to unlock the ability to email her.  These aren't the likes I'm talking about.

You should never "like" a woman when you can send a message.  Opt to send women messages first.

Let's look at OkCupid...

OkCupid allows you to "like" photos or a woman's self-summary.  When you like something, you are given two choices:

1. Click the like icon and send a like to a woman.
2. Click like icon and send a like, PLUS add a message.

Always send a message with your like.  I can't emphasize this enough; if you don't send a message with your "like," you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Step up and be a man and send a message.  Show some confidence and don't cower behind a "like" hoping a woman likes you back.

If you've ever been on OkCupid, you may ask "What does 'I can't see likes' mean?"  You have to be a paying member of OkCupid to see who likes you, so women write this on the profile to tell you to send a message.

So, if you like a woman, she may not even see it.  Take this example I found on a woman's OkCupid profile.

OkCupid allows you to see how many likes you have; you just can't see them without being an A-list member of OkCupid.

Another site which allows you to "like" women is Hinge.

Below are screenshots from Hinge.  The app allows you to "like" a woman and leave it at that, or you can add a comment to your like which is essentially the same thing as a message.

If you're on any dating app that allows you to send a like to women as a means to start a conversation, always add a message.

It's just plain lazy to pin your hopes on a like without adding a message.  If you only send a like, it's the same thing as writing this; "I'm too lazy or insecure to send a message, so I expect you to, then I will decide if you are worthy of my reply."

Tinder has "super like" while Bumble has"super swipe" to show women you are REALLY interested in them.  Honestly, these are useless features.

These are just ways for dating sites to charge you more money.  They tell you these features help you stand out but believe me, you'll do fine without these.  

I have never paid for any of these features and do fine on dating sites.  If you want to waste your money on these additions, go ahead.  I recommend, however, you stay away from any "super like" feature.

Bumble allows you to "like" a message like Facebook.  This is fine.  You're already knee deep in a conversation.  This is about the only time a like is OK to use.

Ask yourself this question, "Can I send a message with my like?"  If the answer is "yes," then send a message with your like.  End of discussion.

Do likes work?  Do women respond to them?  No.  If your dating site gives you the choice of sending a message or "liking" a woman; send a message.

You're a man, so take the initiative and send a message first.  Opting to choose a "like" over a message is a weak approach to catch a woman's attention.  

I'm not saying "likes" never work... they might for some women.  However, the likelihood women will be interested in you in substantially increases when your first move is a message.