Why Do Men Get No Responses On POF

The main reasons you get no responses on POF are bad openers, negativity, and lousy profile photos, to name a few. There are many reasons you're not seeing success on the app, but the good news is it's fixable.

This post shares the top 10 reasons women ignore men on Plentyoffish. You'll discover the most common blunders guys make on the app.

If you are struggling and need help getting responses on POF, check you aren't making the mistakes below. Fixing the blunders on this post will immediately improve your results overnight.

1. Lazy, boring, one-sided icebreakers.
2. Complimenting a woman's appearance.
3. Using bad photos in your profile.
4. Your bio shows a lack of effort.
5. Showing a negative attitude.
6. Mentioning your social media handle in your bio.
7. Using clichés in your bio.
8. Saying you're something but not showing it.
9. Stop mentioning how busy you are.
10. Bad grammar kills your results!

1. Lazy, boring, one-sided icebreakers.

Most men on Plentoffish send terrible openers that aren't engaging for women. Below is an example of the typical icebreaker women receive on the app.

Lazy openers like the one above will connect with hardly any women, and the biggest reason you get no responses on POF. Unfortunately, low-effort openers are commonplace on POF - other examples include:

• Hey there
• How are you today?
• Hi
• How's your weekend?
• Hello

If you use approaches like these, you deserve to be ignored on POF. Low-effort icebreakers make the worst first impression possible.

Solution: The best way to start a conversation is by showing effort. Anything in a woman's profile is fair game for your opener - her bio, photos, and headline, for example.

Below is a message to Stephanie, who has a photo of herself playing guitar in her profile. I focus on that in my icebreaker, and she responds.

Take the time to craft a good icebreaker. Women are more likely to respond to messages that show curiosity and effort.

2. Complimenting a woman's appearance.

The most common opener for men on POF is typically a low-effort approach ("hey," "how are you," and "how's your day"). The second most common opener is complimenting a woman's appearance. 

Complimenting a woman's looks is a terrible idea, and it's the default way men compliment women on the app. Physical compliments are not effective at getting responses.

Why is this a bad approach? Because it shows women you can't take the time to read their profile and only value their appearance.

Women are bombarded with physical compliments, so your message won't stand out. You will immediately be lumped in with the masses and ignored.

The best way to compliment a woman on POF is to focus on the non-physical. Look at her bio or photos for ways to compliment her.

Below is a message to Carrie where I start the icebreaker complimenting her energy. After the compliment, I pivot the message to her love of swimming found in her bio.

You can compliment a woman and make a great first impression in many other ways. Examples include:

• I like your style
• I love your verbal vibe
• I love your sense of humor

Compliments like the examples above will open more doors than telling a woman she's pretty. As long as your compliment is sincere, you'll get positive results.

3. Using bad photos in your profile.

One of the top reasons you may not get responses on POF is because of bad pictures. Women judge you based on the pictures in your portfolio. 

You must use photos that showcase your lifestyle and interests. And for goodness' sake, look at the camera and smile.

The reality is men use terrible photos in their profiles. Here are common photo mistakes men make on POF:

• You don't smile. The first thing women look at is your smile, so look at the camera and show some teeth.
• Bathroom selfies. Women do not want to see your bathroom or, worse, a public restroom.
• Car selfies. These types of photos never prompt women to send a message. Do you think women will ask, "Hey, where were you driving in this picture?"
• Photos alongside women. Standing (or sitting) next to a female takes the focus away from you, which is the last thing you want on POF.
• Photos with children. This type of photo is an instant "no" for women. Protect your children's anonymity and keep them out of your profile photos.
• Photos you're not physically in. Avoid using pictures of your car, food, dog, sunsets, etc. Don't use any photo where you're not in it.
• No full-body pictures. Women want to see you head-to-toe. Women suspect you're hiding your body if you don't include one full-body photo. 
• Be presentable. Include at least one picture dressed up somewhat. Think of what you would wear meeting a woman for a drink. 

All it takes is one of the photos above to cause women to swipe left on your profile. If you use any, remove them immediately.

4. Your bio shows a lack of effort.

If you think women only care about your pictures, you're mistaken. Women read your bio on Plentyoffish. 

You must put effort into your bio because it balances out your entire profile. Share your interests, passions, hobbies, or goals in your bio.

Unsurprisingly, most men get no responses on POF when their bio shows little effort. Below is the typical guy's bio on the app.

If your bio is like the example above, you won't find success on the app. A short bio shows women you aren't serious about meeting someone.

Don't think you'll meet many women on POF with a poorly written bio. What's funny is that it's easy to create a great bio.

Do you like traveling? Write a sentence or two sharing recent travel adventures. Maybe you love trying new restaurants. Share a recommendation of a newly discovered place and ask for one.

Tip: Do you need help writing about yourself? A good tip for writing about yourself is adding the word "because," after a topic you enjoy.

For example, say you love traveling, as I mention above. Write in your bio, "I enjoy traveling because" and then follow up with the reasons.

If you really enjoy something, the words should flow out easily. The trick above will help you if you struggle to describe yourself.

A bio with depth will help you stand out and gets you more matches. All you need to do is share 3-5 of your interests with a short explanation of each topic.

5. Showing a negative attitude. 

Showing negativity in your profile is a huge red flag and the kiss of death. It shows women you're angry and jaded, and it is not an attractive trait.

Plentyoffish surveyed over 2,000 singles and found negativity was among the top "buzzkills." The app recommends "stop writing checklists on what you're not looking for in a partner, instead focus on the positives and what you'd love to do on a first date, or what you'd like to chat about."

It's best to be 100% positive in your profile - you want to make women smile and pique their curiosity. Your profile should give off a friendly vibe.

Never share any frustrations in your profile. Take it out at the gym, go outside and get some fresh air, or get off the app.

Women don't want to date men who show hostility in their profiles. Your goal is to show women you're a catch - a negative profile does the opposite.

6. Mentioning your social media handle in your bio. 

Keep your Social Media off your profile because you won't be taken seriously. Women may think you're on POF to promote yourself and looking for followers.

It seems more and more men think it's OK to tell women to look you up on Social Media. Women aren't going to look you up, especially if your profile is bad.

A common mistake I see on POF is men sharing their Snapchat or Instagram in their profiles. It's best to match with someone and create a connection by engaging in a great conversation. 

Once there's a connection, I recommend getting a woman's number so you can talk or text. It's best to keep women off your social media until you've met them.

7. Using clichés in your bio.

Never use clichés in your bio - they add no value. Using a cliche is the same as writing, "I have nothing original to say."

There is an overreliance on clichés in men's bios. They don't work because they are unoriginal, lazy, and offer zero insight into who you are as a man.

Clichés are a dime a dozen on POF. Common examples you'll find in men's profiles include:

• I look young for my age
• Not her for hookups
• I'm fluent in sarcasm
• Just ask
• I love to laugh
• My kids/family are my world
• I enjoy nights out but staying in
• My kids come first
• Swipe left if you (fill in the blank)

Phrases like those above offer no benefit. You want a bio that helps create a connection with women reading it, and overused phrases don't help one bit.

No woman is going to see, "I love to laugh," and think to herself, "Wow, I love to laugh too... We're a match!" She'll roll her eyes, think, "how unoriginal," and bypass you.

Take a look at your bio and remove anything that isn't original. I guarantee using clichés is a huge reason you get no responses on POF.

8. Saying you're something but not showing it. 

A common mistake on POF is sharing a bunch of traits you have but failing to show them in your profile. You can do this through your photos or description in your bio.

Below is an all too common example of this problem. Jeremy says he's funny, fun, and adventurous, but where's the proof?

Jeremy makes the classic profile blunder, claiming to be funny, yet his bio is not humorous. Note he also mentions his social media in his bio.

Your profile (or photos) must show whatever you say you are. For example, if you say you love traveling, you better include a picture of yourself traveling or describe a recent adventure in your bio.

Do you mention that you're adventurous? It's best to have a photo zip-lining or kayaking. You can also share adventurous things you do in your free time.

9. Stop mentioning how busy you are.

A common blunder men make on POF is writing how busy they are, but will make time for the right person. Telling women you're a busy guy isn't a selling point.

Note how Ernesto starts his profile by sharing that he's a busy guy - he also spells "a lot" wrong. It's the first thing women see and makes a horrible first impression.

There's no benefit to including you're a busy man anywhere in your profile. Everyone has commitments, so keep it off your bio. 

10. Bad grammar kills your results!

A huge red flag for women is a profile filled with grammar mistakes. 1,000 women were polled by the website Word Tips, and 45% said they wouldn't be interested in someone who is "very physically attractive but used improper grammar or spelling

Grammar mistakes shows you're uneducated. It also shows you don't care what women think about you.

You don't want any grammar errors in your profile. It's one of the lesser-known blunders men make on POF.  

The good news is it's easy to fix grammar mistakes. Here are two steps for checking the grammar in your bio:

1. Read your bio out loud. The key is hearing yourself as your read it. You'll catch poor sentence structure. Revise if needed. Repeat until it sounds good.
2. Once you're satisfied, use a grammar tool to check the spelling. I recommend Grammarly.

It only takes a few minutes to check your profile and ensure it's mistake-free. One misspelled word can be catastrophic to your results, so follow the two steps above.

Final Thoughts

It's easy to identify why men get no responses on POF. The examples in this post are the top blunders I see on the app. 

Go through the post, point by point, and check if you make any of the mistakes above. All it takes is one mistake to cause your results to plummet.

If you're looking for more help, visit my one-stop resource that focuses on these POF topics:

• The best photos for your profile on POF.
• How to create a great POF Profile headline.
• Conversation starters on POF.
• The best way to showcase your Interests section.
• How to fix your profile on POF.

You can find the topics above here: Plentyoffish tips.

What Are The Best Plentyoffish Conversation Starters?

Do you want to know how to start conversations with women on Plentyoffish? The best Plentyoffish conversation starters include commenting on a woman's profile, asking something cool not on her profile, or a guilty pleasure, to name a few.

This post shares 5 of the best Plentyoffish conversation starters. There are explanations for each message below.

One critical point - before messaging women, make sure your profile is free of red flags. Bad photos, poorly written bios, and ignoring profile traits are examples of mistakes you must avoid.

Ensure your profile is free of mistakes. Grab my free dating profile checklist here: Free Dating Profile Checklist.

1. Comment on the woman's bio. 

The best way to start a conversation on Plentyoffish is by commenting on a woman's profile. Mentioning something in her bio shows effort. Believe me, women appreciate it.

Ideally, you should focus on common interests. Hinge found, "the best way to get a response is to ask a direct question about your match's profile while sharing your interests."

Below is an example of Lodie's profile. She shares several interests, but I focus on cooking.

In my opener, I mention cooking and ask Lodie's favorite dish. Note how I share my go-to dish. The result is Lodie responds to my message, and a conversation is started.

A great tip is to start your message with a compliment. Avoid physical compliments because the majority of men mention a woman's looks.

Instead, compliment a woman's lifestyle or something interesting about her. In the message below, I compliment the woman's "verbal vibe" and tell her I love that she's active before asking a question.

2. Ask a woman for her favorite weekend activity. 

Another good POF icebreaker is asking a woman about her favorite weekend activity. I love this approach because it's simple and very effective and getting responses.

Asking a woman her favorite thing to do on weekends puts her in a positive mindset. It also allows you to "peel the onion" and dig more into her lifestyle.

When using this approach, be sure to include things you enjoy doing in your message. List things women enjoy doing (wine tasting, concerts, traveling, etc.).

Including fun things gets women to picture themselves doing them with you. You want women to get excited at the thought of doing fun activities with you.

Below is an example of this great opening message. After asking the woman my question, I share things I enjoy doing on weekends, and the woman likes the things I share about myself.

Note that I add a cocky statement, "Hot POF dates is not an acceptable answer unless it's with me." It's a great way to enhance the message, and the smiley face reinforces that I'm joking.

3. Ask a woman to describe her best trait. 

A clever way to start a conversation on POF is asking a woman her best trait. Here's the message, "Hi (woman's name), what's your best trait? Physical or non-physical?"

When asking a woman's best trait, share your best trait. I like using humor to describe my best trait. In the message below, I point to my "come hither eyes." Clearly, I'm playing.

Patty responds to my messages. Note how she laughs and comments that I seem fun. If you can make a woman smile, you're off to a good start.

Get creative when pointing out your best trait. It can be your "charming disposition" or "rugged masculine features." Anything works.

4. Ask a woman something cool not found in her profile.

A message that gets many responses is asking a woman to share something not found in her profile. This is a very unique approach that gets her to think about things beyond her bio.

It may catch a woman off-guard because most men either send low-effort approaches ("hi" or "hey there") or comment on her bio. The beauty of this message is it helps you dig into her lifestyle beyond her profile. And it works!

The message shouldn't be one-sided - be sure to share something about yourself, not in your profile. Since your profile doesn't list every interest, you can share something original.

As with everything else, humor is the best route. Here's an example of this icebreaker.

5. Ask a woman one of her guilty pleasures. 

One of my favorite conversation starters on Plentyoffish is asking a woman for a guilty pleasure. A guilty pleasure is "an activity or piece of media that someone enjoys but would be embarrassed by if other people found out about it."

We all have guilty pleasures. What better way to connect with a woman than by sharing things you enjoy? This message is very effective at getting responses from women.

Below is an example of the message in action. As with all messages, share some of your guilty pleasures. Note how the woman comments on my "great" profile, showing its importance. 

The funny thing about this message is you don't have to technically be embarrassed about something you enjoy. The words "guilty pleasure" give you the freedom to write anything about yourself.

Final Thoughts

Most men fail to get responses to messages due to low-effort icebreakers. This post shows several approaches that work on Plentyoffish.

The first approach I recommend is commenting on a woman's profile because it shows you took the time to go beyond her photos. Remember to share something about yourself in your message - it helps boost responses.

If a woman doesn't share something in her bio, the other approaches in the post are great options. They show humor, confidence, and curiosity, making them stand out.

Lastly, if your profile stinks, you'll get fewer messages regardless of the quality of your icebreaker. Grab my free dating profile checklist here to ensure your profile is up to par: Free Dating Profile Checklist.

The Best Questions To Ask Women On Plentyoffish

Focus On A Woman's Written Bio

The best way to start a conversation on POF is by focusing on a woman's written bio. Showing curiosity and asking the right question will get you better results than the guys who put zero effort into their icebreakers.

Think about it. If a woman takes time to write something in her bio, it shows you took the time to read her profile. Your message stands out by doing this.

Look For Common Interests

Below is my opening message. Notice how it's not one-sided. I ask an open-ended question about yoga, and the woman responds. The message is light and shows genuine curiosity, which is why it works.

Note in the message above how the woman comments on TV and cutting onions. Her comment references topics in my dating profile. This shows she read my dating profile before responding. Remember, put effort into your bio; otherwise women won't respond to your messages.

Bonus Tip: Explore The Entire Profile

If the woman doesn't write much in her bio, you can focus on other areas of her bio on POF. The "Insights" section is a good alternative for your icebreaker.

In the example below, the woman mentions she has a cat and a dog. Asking a woman about her dog is an effective way to start a conversation on POF. This is the approach I use.

My message below is short, simple, and gets a response. I'm telling you - female pet owners LOVE talking about their pets.

The "Interests" section is also a good place to check for potential icebreakers. POF allows you to add interests to your bio and a lot of women use this feature.

The woman below shares "board games" as one of her interests. I could choose any of her interests, but I'm an avid fan of board games, so it's the approach I pick.

Mentioning the woman's interest in board games works! I use a friendly approach hyping myself and hen asking about her favorite game.

What If A Woman's Bio Is Blank?

Not all women write a bio nor choose interests. What do you do in this case? I use an approach that works well in this scenario.

I like asking women a fun personality question. These can be effective at getting responses. Examples you could use include:

• You need to satisfy your late-night cravings (food, get your mind out of the gutter), and your fridge is empty. Which would you choose? In N Out, Jack In The Box, or a greasy dive burrito?
• What was your last dream about? How did I look? 🙂
• Please describe your ideal match here on POF. Feel free to look at my bio for inspiration. haha

The sky's the limit using this approach. Think of something creative and funny. Avoid offensive approaches. If you can make a woman laugh, you'll get a lot of responses.

Final Thoughts

Getting responses to your icebreakers on POF is simple. It's all about asking questions because it shows you want to know her beyond her looks.

The questions you should ask women on Plentyoffish must focus on her dating profile (not photos). Anything in her profile is fair game.

Look for a common interest and mention it in your opening message. It's that easy.

Why Is Your POF Message Not Being Sent Out

Do your POF message disappear?  Is your POF message not being sent to women?  Odds are you're using a banned word such as "cocky" or "bedroom."

Yup, Plentyoffish prohibits men from using certain words in their messages.  So, if you send a message to a woman and find out later it wasn't sent or your message disappeared, you probably used a banned word.

I recently covered How To Start Conversations on POF With Women but keep in mind; there are some words you can't use in your messages.  Keep reading to find out what words POF is preventing you from using in messages.

How I stumbled on POF banning specific words

One day I saw a woman looked at my profile and didn't send me a message.  As a joke, I casually wrote "I see you looked at my profile without messaging me.  Were you intimidated by my sex appeal?"

I was joking but thought it would be a funny opener.  I sent the message from my phone and left it at that. 

I didn't hear back from the woman and for whatever reason, checked my sent box.  I noticed my POF message disappeared.  I assumed maybe it was the POF app or perhaps I made a mistake and didn't send the message.

So, I wrote the same message and hit "send" and checked my sent box and again, nada.  I realized my POF message not being sent was because something was wrong with my message.  But what?

I looked at my message and quickly realized it was probably the word "sex."  I removed the word "sex" and sent this:  "I see you looked at my profile without messaging me.  Were you intimidated by my appeal?"  

Guess what?  The message got through to the woman.  So, I copied the message and added the word "sex" back to it and tested it to be sure.  Yep, the message wasn't sent out.  The word "sex" was the culprit.  Something was up.

I decided to do testing to figure out what words are banned by POF.  

I created a fake female profile to test messages

To get to the bottom of this, I created a fake female profile (don't judge) on POF which I used with my regular profile to send messages to and from.  I decided to test a few words by sending messages from my standard profile to my newly created fake female profile.

I had to get to the root of the problem; which words would prohibit my POF message not being sent out.  When my POF message disappeared from my sent folder, I know it's banned.  If the message came through, I know the word isn't banned.  Simple.

So, I brainstormed a few words and wrote some sentences to my fake profile.  Keep in mind, the sentences I used were to test if a specific word was banned or not by Plentyoffish.

I typed in this sentence; "What do you think of cocky men?" and POF showed me this:

Great!  POF said it sent my message, but when I looked at my sent message folder, the message was not there.  It never went out.  POF lied to me!

I then wrote this message, "I love hiking when it's muddy and dirty."  Guess what?  The message didn't go either.  POF banned the word "dirty." 

My next test was this sentence; "My dog sleeps on the floor in my bedroom."  Surely, this innocent word would get through.  Nope, the message wasn't sent out because of the word bedroom.

I followed it with "My dog sleeps in my bed." Again, the message didn't get sent out.  This time the word bed was the culprit.  

I wrote this sentence, "Blowing off some steam" and it went through while this sentence, "How do you blow off steam?" did not go through.  POF has banned the word "blow."

Words banned by POF

Through trial and error, I discovered you cannot send these words on POF

• cocky
• sex
• blow
• dirty
• bedroom
• bed

I am sure more words are banned from POF, but I didn't want to spend all day figuring out which words are targeted by the site.  I checked the POF Help Center and found this blurb:

"If your message is not sent, it may be for the following reasons:  Your message contains inappropriate content and was blocked."

Of course, POF didn't share what "inappropriate content" was so I emailed POF support asking for words that are not allowed and am still waiting for a response.

When, and if I get my response from POF, I'll add the words to the list above.

POF lets women send forbidden words

Now here's the kicker.  I noticed that POF allowed my fake female profile send messages with forbidden words to my regular dating profile.  Yup, women can send banned words to men.  WTF?  

Check out these sentences I sent from my fake female POF profile to my profile.  Below the screenshot shows all the words banned for men, actually went through to my inbox when sent from a woman.

They all went to my inbox.  BUT, I can't send the same messages back.  POF is protecting women from messages with banned words, but not men from women.  

Pay attention to your sent messages

I don't know what words POF has flagged as forbidden beyond what I tested above.  I only checked a few words, and you can see that they all have sexual connotations.  I am confident there are many more words which are banned by POF.

I get it that POF doesn't allow these to go through to women.  The word "bedroom" and "bed" though, are a little too much.  It's curious that women allow men to send these words out.  

Final Thoughts

If your POF messages disappear from your sent box it's because the site flagged your message as "inappropriate"; one of the words in your message is flagged.  When in doubt, check your sent messages folder.  

If you encounter any circumstances where your messages disappear from your sent folder and figure out what word caused it not to go, please comment below to add to the list of words POF has banned men from using.

How To Start Conversations on POF With Women

It's easy to create messages which get responses on Plentyoffish.  If you want to know how to start conversations with women on POF, the key is to comment on something in their profile to show you're interested in them beyond their photos.

There are plenty of ways to do this, but OkCupid has found some useful phrases which help boost the chances of a woman replying.  If you need a little help, keep reading, and I'll share with you how to start conversations on POF, so you can finally get responses to your messages.

Why you don't get responses on POF

The reason men don't get responses to messages is because of zero effort.  Too many guys send boring, lazy, non-engaging opening messages like this:  

What are good conversation starters on POF

How to get responses to messages on POF

It's easy to get replies to messages on Plentyoffish; read a woman's profile and create an open-ended message about something... anything that catches your eye.  Don't ask something that can be answered with a "yes" or "no."  

Women hand you conversations starters, gift wrapped, on their profiles.  It's your job to choose something and ask them about it.  Let me show you how to do it.

In this example, this woman shared a variety of interests on her profile, but I zeroed in on her use of the word "foodie."

I wrote this message using one of the phrases, "you mention":

"You mention you're a foodie. Does that mean you can cook too? Or more of a restaurant type of person?"

The end result?  I got a response.

In this example, the women shared a lot about herself, and I focused on one of her interests, "Breweries."

I was able to whip out this message using the phrase "noticed that":

"I noticed that you enjoy breweries.  Care to recommend one?  Belching Beaver up in Vista is amazing.  The patio area is great and the beer is divine."

The message shows I read her profile and I engage her by asking for a recommendation of a brewery while also sharing a favorite of mine.  The result?  I got a response:

Do these phrases help start conversations with women on POF?  Yes!  Do they ever: 

Just show women you read their profile!

The three phrases above show how important it is to read a woman's profile.  You don't necessarily have to use the three phrases, just ask questions about something in her profile.

This woman shares she likes doing "anything active" which you can see here:

In this example, I use the phrase "I see" which shows I read her profile:

"I see you like doing anything active.  Are you more of a land loving hiker or a water person?"

The phrase "I see" is essentially the same thing as saying "I noticed that."  I asked a question about something she shared on her profile, she's active, and what do you know?  I got a response:

What about women who have an empty bio?

How do you start conversations with women on POF who have a blank profile?  Easy, choose something in her settings or photo.  In the example below, the woman wrote nothing about herself except "ask."  

I focused on her "basics" section and zeroed in on her answer to Pets.  I saw she had "Cat & Dog" as an answer and asked her a question about that.

The end result was that I got a response and was able to start a conversation with her.

Final Thoughts

Starting conversations with women on POF is easy.  Read their profile and ask questions.  It's not hard.  The more you use this approach, the better you'll get at it.  

When you comment on something on a woman's profile, your message stands out (which is a good thing) because it shows you're interested in her beyond photos.  You took the time to read her profile and ask something about her.  

Whatever you do, don't comment on a woman's looks.  I share why it's a bad idea in another blog post, "Why Men Must Avoid Physical Compliments With Women On Dating Sites."

Leave your thoughts below.  Feel free to share tips you have for how to start conversations on POF