The Top Icebreakers Women Hate Receiving From Men
These are the icebreakers women hate on every dating app. Women instantly delete your message when you use one of these disastrous approaches.
The app you use doesn't matter. If you're on Plentyoffish, OkCupid, Tinder, Match, or any other app, pay attention. Using the approaches below.
1. Physical Compliments
Women hate messages where men compliment their looks.
You may find a woman the most beautiful woman ever, yet telling her she's attractive is an icebreaker women hate because it comes across as fake. Women receive tons of messages from guys who tell them how attractive they are.
If you tell a woman she's pretty, she immediately lumps you in with every other guy who uses the same approach. In that instant, your chances of getting a response are zero.
Here are a couple of facts about physical compliments in messages. Zoosk found the impact some words have when used in an icebreaker:
- Beautiful - 20% fewer responses
- Cute - 24% fewer messages
- Gorgeous - 22% fewer messages
- Sexy - 13% fewer messages
A better approach is complimenting something you find on the woman's bio. Make it specific. If you see a woman lives a healthy lifestyle, tell her that you admire that she takes care of herself. Maybe you see how a woman has gone skydiving. Compliment her for being adventurous. You'll fare better than the guy who tells her she's "hot."
Never tell women they are hot in your icebreakers.
2. Creepy/Explicit Messages
Don't send offensive messages to women on dating apps.
Never say anything sexual to women in your first message. It's creepy and doesn't work. In fact, you can get kicked off the app if enough women report you for offensive messages.
An explicit icebreaker makes you look like you have a one-track mind. There's no need to be rude in your messages. It's better to show a general curiosity about something you find in a woman's bio and comment about her bio in your icebreaker.
Lastly, if you send a message like the one below to a woman. You deserve to be ignored.
Example of an offensive message on Plentyoffish.
3. Generic messages
Women dislike generic messages on dating apps
The most common message women receive and topping the list of icebreakers women hate is the generic message, which is one to three words. I call these boring "elevator talk" because these are things you say to someone you share an elevator with. These include:
- Hello/Hi/Hey
- Hey there
- How's your day/night/weekend
- How are you?
- Good morning/Good afternoon/Good evening
These are terrible approaches, especially with women who put effort into their bios. Think about it. A woman takes the time to write about herself and all you come up with, "Hi"?
When you send a message like the ones above, you tell women you can't take the time even to read their profile. You appear lazy. The amount of effort you put into your icebreaker shows women how serious you are about meeting someone.
A better approach is asking open-ended questions about something on a woman's bio. You'll stand out when you
For tips on icebreakers that start conversations go here: What Are Good Online Dating First Message Tips For Men?
Women hate a lack of effort in messages on dating sites
4. Long-winded messages
I'm a huge proponent of getting to the point in your message. Unfortunately, a lot of men stumble out of the gate. They fumble around and say what doesn't need to be said because it's implied by sending a message itself. Here are a few examples:
- "I noticed your profile and had to say hello."
- "I saw your profile and it caught my attention."
- "I am interested in you."
Do you see how the sentences above aren't necessary? They add no value to the message. There's no need to write, "I noticed your profile and just wanted to say hi." Read that out loud. Can you see how it's meaningless? It's a complete waste of an opening.
The fact you send a message shows a woman you "noticed her profile," and as I mentioned above, instead of saying "hi," mention something in her bio. Trim the fat from your icebreaker. It should be on point.
Below is an example from a man on POF, which is a prime example of one of the icebreakers women hate.
Get to the point in your icebreakers
Let's break down the message above:
"How's the morning going?" This is a terrible opening. It's friendly, but this is something you say to a coworker in the office as you grab your morning coffee.
"Really liked your profile" The fact this guy sent a message shows he likes the woman's profile. There's no need to write this. It's an unnecessary addition to the message. If you like a woman's profile, tell her what caught your attention instead.
"...would love to chat sometime" This statement is meaningless, and again, unnecessary. Of course, the guy would love to chat, so why write it?
Instead of the message above, the guy should find something on the woman's bio and ask an open-ended question about it.
What about women who have an empty bio? If you encounter a woman with an empty bio, you can easily start a conversation. I cover that in this blog post: How To Start Conversations With Women Who Have Empty Bios
5. Begging for a response
Never send multiple messages to women on the same day.
One thing is certain with women; they love confident men. A man who knows what he wants and isn't the least bit insecure. Yet, many guys show they have zero confidence through their messages on dating apps.
Nothing kills attraction with a woman faster than an insecure man. Begging, sending multiple messages on the same day, or pointing out you're a catch are examples of what not to do in your messages.
Relax after sending a message to a woman. Don't be the guy who checks if the woman is online, read your message, or constantly hit the refresh button, expecting her to send a response. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
Don't plead with women in your opening messages.
6. Angry insults
Some men send offensive icebreakers.
Never send an offensive opening message where you insult a woman. I've seen several instances where a guy sends a message like the one above. It's unbelievable that there are men who send messages where they call women names.
Also, if a woman doesn't respond to your message, don't lash out at her. When you insult a woman, she doesn't think, "Wow, maybe I made a mistake. I better give this guy a second chance!"
If you vent in your message, you only reinforce the fact the woman made the right decision not responding to you in the first place.
Lastly, women can report you for offensive messages. What, you think the app can't see your message? You can get kicked off the app permanently.
Don't insult women in your icebreakers.
7. Emojis
Women hate emoji messages on dating apps
I don't understand why men send emojis as an icebreaker. It's not cute and never works. It makes you look like some adolescent trying to be cute.
As I mention above, women respond to confidence. Sending an emoji as your opening message shows zero confidence. It's a lazy approach and should be avoided at all costs.
If you can't take the time to read a woman's bio and think of a conversation starter, why should a woman respond? A lack of effort in your messages shows how serious you are about meeting someone.
Bonus Icebreakers Women Hate
The messages above are the most common icebreakers women hate on dating apps. I thought I would share a few more blunders you may be making right now.
No profile photos
Don't message women if you don't have photos
This isn't necessarily a message error, it's more of a profile mistake. However, this profile blunder impacts your icebreakers because you have no pictures on your profile.
I can't believe in this day and age men think it's acceptable not to have photos in their bio. A lot of men still choose to join dating apps and not upload a single picture. You will never do well on any app if you don't have photos.
Some guys are afraid of being recognized or claim they have "high profile jobs," which is nonsense. Women expect you to have pictures on your profile.
If a woman sees you don't have pictures, she instantly thinks you're hiding something, possibly cheating. If a woman can share photos of herself, you better as well.
Don't use a quote as your profile photo on dating apps.
Pet names
Don't use pet names with women on dating apps.
Addressing a woman with a pet name is an instant "no." Women do not like seeing pet names in any icebreaker. Examples include:
- babe
- darling
- honey
- sexy
- love
Using a pet name is offensive. The woman doesn't know you, so addressing her as anything other than her first name is a mistake. When you use a pet name with a woman, you may think it's charming, but it's really disrespectful. Don't be surprised when women don't respond to your icebreakers if you use them.
Asking women out in the first message
Asking a woman out in you icebreaker is a terrible idea
I am a huge fan of moving quickly on dating apps. You want to get the woman offline because nobody wants a pen pal. I aim to ask a woman after 5 messages. If it takes more time, that's fine, but I do try and ask a woman out sooner than later.
On the flip side, a lot of men women out for a date in their first messages. This is a terrible idea. It's just plain stupid.
You are a stranger to women. They are already a little skeptical of online dating. Maybe they're uncertain if online dating works, had a bad experience, want to make sure they connect with someone or a host of other reasons. It doesn't matter because they don't know you yet, so stay away from asking a woman out without building up a rapport.
A better approach is swapping a few messages and building a connection. You want the attraction to grow. It's safe to ask a woman out after you establish a conversation, not in your icebreaker.