Common Online Dating Questions and Answers

I receive daily emails from men asking questions regarding online dating. I decided to share some of the most common online dating questions and answers I give to those emails. My answers are a combination of my personal opinion combined with facts found in studies.

Here is my first official Online dating questions and answers post.

Q: At what point should I ask her out? We’ve been emailing and our conversations are getting shorter and less interesting. I think she’s losing interest.

A: You want to get a woman’s phone number in no more than 5 messages. Women aren’t on dating sites for email buddies. Women are on dating sites to meet men. Remember this, you are not the only guy she is talking to. The woman you are talking to is being contacted by men daily. One of them will surely step up and ask her out before you do if you constantly just trade emails.

Q: I went on a date with a chick and she said she’d “love to do it again” at the end of the date. I have texted her a few times. One time she said she’d check her calendar and get back to me. I don’t hear from her for a bit until I initiate texts again. What do I do?

A: Never make someone a priority who treats you like an option. She’s either stringing you along or isn’t adult enough to tell you she’s not interested. We all have priorities in our lives; jobs, kids, volunteering, etc… If you are interested in a woman you will make an effort to spend time with her. Likewise, she will make an effort to make time for you. Don’t fall for that “check my calendar” line.

Here’s what I do to gauge a woman’s interest, so I know once and for all if I am wasting my time. You should do the same.

By this time, you should know what she enjoys doing. Pick two things she enjoys and have two dates in the back of your mind that are related to those things. So, let’s say you meet a girl who likes sushi and wine. Here’s what you would do.

Text or call her and say “Let’s get together Thursday for sushi. I know a great place.”

She will say “yes” or “no”. If she says “yes” you know where you stand. If she says “no”, see if she offers a counter. If a woman is interested she will say “I can’t Thursday but I’m open Friday”.

It’s a good sign if she says she’s free another day.

But if she doesn’t offer an alternative day bring up your second date, “OK, Let’s get together for wine on Monday. I know a great wine bar.”

Again, if she says yes, no worries, she’s interested. If she says no and doesn’t offer an alternative day she is free, you now know she’s not interested.

In that case, I say “OK. Clearly you aren’t interested in seeing me again. I wish you the best.”

End of conversation. Move on. Find someone else.

Q: If a woman contacts you and you’re not interested, do you owe them a response?

A: No. You don’t owe them anything. It’s unfortunate, but ignoring a message is the equivalent of saying “I’m not interested.” That being said if you email a woman and she doesn’t respond don’t take it personal. Move on.

Q: I met a woman after chatting online and am not interested. Do I have to tell her that, or can I just disappear?

A: You are under no obligation to tell her you are no longer interested, but I do think it’s the courteous thing to do. Nobody likes being “ghosted” so it’s good to keep it short and simple, “I enjoyed meeting you but I don’t think we’re a match. Best of luck.” Sure it’s cliche and direct, but it’s good to let a woman know where you stand.

If you choose to simply disappear after your first date and she doesn’t contact you, fair enough. She got the hint. But, if she does contact you, then be a man and simply tell her “I don’t think we’re a match. Best of luck” and leave it at that. Don’t be rude.

And if a woman “ghosts” you, move on. It’s happened to all of us. Take the high road. Yes, it’s rude, but be thankful she showed you her true colors early on. You don’t want to date someone who doesn’t have the courtesy to tell you she’s not interested anyway.

Q: How frequently should you message someone when online dating?

A: There’s no right or wrong answer here. There have been times were a woman would message me and I’d respond the next day. Others I would respond 10 minutes after she messaged me. Go with your gut. Like I pointed out above, you don’t want to become email buddies. If you find yourself trading emails simply say “Hey, it will be much easier texting, send me your number. Mine is (555)555-5555.”

Lastly, don’t email women after 11 pm or before 7 am. It’s odd if you email a woman at 3 am and yes, guys do this.

Q: What are good questions to ask a woman in a first message?

A: I suggest commenting about something in her profile. Avoid commenting on her photos which most guys do. Never tell her that you have “something in common” outright, “Hey, we have a lot in common. I also like to cook.” Show something you have in common your message. If she loves to travel, mention where you last traveled and ask her questions about her last trip.

Never open with boring lines such as “How’s your day” or “Anything fun planned this weekend?” Your message will be deleted immediately if you send these type of messages. And stay away from “hi” or “hello”. Do I really have to explain why?

Q: On OkCupid, I am over an 80% match with a lot of women, but I never get a single email from any. I don’t get it.

A: First of all, those algorithms don’t work. I have done my own experiments to see how well Match.com would match me with women due to my preferences on my dating profile. Match failed miserably. You can see it here:

https://www.ninjaonlinedating.com/blog/online-dating-algorithm/

There are several studies that conclude these matching algorithms are not scientific. You think these things are legit. You want kids. She wants kids. You are active. She is active. You are educated and so is she. Wow, you’re 100% compatible right? Wrong. You can’t account for human interaction and chemistry. Just because you are compatible “on paper” doesn’t mean you compatible in the real world.

Q: Which dating site is the best? Which site has the most women?

A: I find it easiest to create a fake email and sign up for dating sites such as Match, POF, OkCupid, etc..

Create the bare minimum profile. Don’t load pictures unless you have to. OkCupid, for example won’t let you click on photos unless you have one so load a picture of a car or something. Don’t fill out your free text section. You just want to get a profile up so you can search their members.

Once you have your fake profile setup search the members. Compare who’s online more compared to other sites. In my experiences, the sites you pay for have more attractive women. That’s the case for San Diego where I live. I would use Match.com down here. That isn’t to say you can’t do well on the free sites. You can. But it seems women are more serious about dating on the paid sites.

Once you figure out the dating site you actually want to use, use a valid email address and create a dating profile that represents you.

Please leave a comment below because I’d like to hear if you have anything to add to this post of Online Dating Questions and Answers.