The Top Online Dating Terms Explained
What do online dating terns like ghosting, benching, and sapiosexual mean? Common online dating terms defined for you to understand the ins and outs of online dating.
There are also newer online dating terms that have been coined recently as well. If you’re a veteran of online dating or taking your first plunge, here is a list of terms, why women do them and how you should react if any happen to you.
1. What is Ghosting?
Ghosting is when someone vanishes without no explanation.
Ghosting is one of the most well known online dating terms today. It’s simply vanishing or disappearing. No calls, no texts, no email. NADA.
It can happen at any time during the dating process; after a few messages, a few dates, a few weeks, a few months, etc.
Why do people "ghost" on dating sites?
It happens because it’s easier to stop all contact instead of having to deal with telling someone you’re not interested in them. I don’t like it, but I understand why people do it.
Why deal with the discomfort and possible hostile reaction when you tell someone you aren’t “feeling it.” It’s the main reason people choose to ghost others; it’s just easier.
Why should you do if you're "ghosted?"
Do nothing. It sucks but the quicker it happens, the easier it is to deal with. You don’t want to see a woman for a few weeks or months then have her vanish. That would hurt.
The most common time ghosting occurs is when trading emails or texts before meeting someone. If you trade 2 or 3 emails with a woman and she vanishes, it may be frustrating, but it’s nothing to get upset over. Move on.
If a woman vanishes, it’s her loss. And remember, if you choose to ghost someone, remember how it felt when it happened to you.
Whatever you do don’t get angry and vent. Look, it’s going to happen at some point so if you get upset, get off your computer and take your frustration out at the gym or take a walk.
2. What is Benching?
Benching is when women put you on the bench while they date others looking for someone better.
Benching is when someone keeps the other person "on the bench"; it means keeping someone at a distance while exploring other options. Women see you as "plan B" and not a priority while they focus on someone else.
So, maybe you start trading a few emails with a cute girl, and she’s keeping you at arm’s length. She won’t commit to meet, or perhaps you’ve met, but she’s keeping it casual.
It’s hard to tell if the woman is "benching" you, though. She may be taking it slow or have other things going on.
Why do people "bench" others on dating sites?
Some people like options. It’s easier to keep someone at arm’s length “just in case”. Meaning maybe they’re focusing on someone else while keeping you on the bench in the meantime.
The reason women keep you “on the bench” is she sees you as a hookup or maybe wants attention.
Why should you do if you're "benched" on a dating site?
It’s best to be assertive with women; ask her out, make plans, actually discuss what she’s looking for, so you know what’s going on in her head. She may be too busy to respond to you right now, but she also could be using you for attention, keeping her options open, or dating other people.
You want to see where you stand right? If you’re happy being a booty call, then this will work out for you. If you want something serious with a woman but she’s keeping you at a distance, move on.
Go with your gut. Never make someone a priority who treats you as an option.
3. What is Zombieing?
The Zombeieing dating term is when someone disappears only to rise from the dead and contact you.
The official definition of zombieing is "to have someone you care about disappear from your life altogether only to have them bring a relationship back from the dead with an out-of-the-blue text or interaction on social media."
Zombieing is basically “ghosting” where the "ghost" comes back. You meet someone and think you hit it off, but she vanishes then "BOOM"…months later you get a text from her.
Why would a woman "zombie" you online?
I have no idea why someone a woman would choose to zombie you. Maybe she’s just messing with you and wants attention. Maybe you saw her as a hookup, and she wanted something serious so disappeared then comes back months later “feeling you out” to see if you’ve changed.
Why should you do if you're "zombied" online?
It’s up to you how you should handle these situations. If a woman vanishes then month’s later contacts you and you’re intrigued, sure, go with it and see where it leads.
But if you were really into her and she vanished and THEN contacts you out of nowhere, do yourself a favor and ignore her. There’s a clear lack of respect for someone to do that.
4. What is Submarining?
Submarining is when someone goes away for an extended time, and comes back while offering no reason.
Submarining is among one of the newer online dating terms and is when a woman comes back from nowhere. A woman might go underwater and out of sight for a significant amount of time (weeks or months) then suddenly reemerges in your life without an explanation.
These "submariners" will casually text you out of the blue asking you out. WTF??
Why would a woman "submarine" you?
There’s no reason a woman should do this to you. However, maybe there was some personal crisis or emergency they had to deal with.
Why should you do if you're "submarined?"
If someone disappears for months then suddenly contacts you, my advice; ignore them completely. Don’t respond to texts or phone calls
Sure you can ask them for an explanation but what does it say if someone suddenly vanishes and then reappears months later without any reason why they disappeared.
5. Other Commonly Used Online Dating Terms
Ghosting, zombieing, benching, and submarining are among the commonly known online dating slang, but there are others as well. Here’s a list of newer online dating slang that has entered the online dating verbiage:
What Is Breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is when a girl gives you just enough attention to keep your interest. You think a relationship is going to happen because she’s giving you attention but the reality is you don’t have zero chance to date her.
What Is a Broacher?
A broacher is a friend who never talks to women, but has no problem moving in on someone you're putting the moves on.
A broacher is a guy who never seems to approach a girl on his own but easily poaches anyone his friends are talking to. He’s kind of like the pal you have who will go after any hottie you ever dare look at.
What Is Cloaking?
Cloaking is when a woman not only vanishes, but her entire social media presence disappears too.
Everything appears good; you meet a woman online, swap messages, talk, text, and agree to meet for a date. When the date arrives, she doesn't show up and completely erases her online presence.
The woman never even existed; her profile no longer exists, she blocks your phone number, removes you from her social media, unfollows you on Twitter. She is a distant memory, and you have no idea what happened nor any recourse.
What Is Cricketing?
Cricketing is leaving someone on "read" for too long and taking much too long to continue the conversation.
What Is an ESFJ?
ESFJ stands for Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging and ESFJ personalities are social creatures and thrive on staying up to date with what their friends are doing.
What Is Fauxbae’ing?
Fauxbae’ing(/foh-bey-ing/) is pretending to have a significant other over social media when you’re actually single.
What Is Ghostbusting?
Ghostbusting is to continue texting someone after they’ve ghosted you. I cover this more in this blog post; Ghostbusting! The Latest Dating Trend You Don’t Want To Be Guilty Of.
What Is Haunting?
Haunting is stalking an ex on social media.
Haunting is when someone is lurking in your social media after you’ve stopped seeing or talking to them. An example would be someone who you dated in the past suddenly "likes" something you posted on Facebook.
What Is Mooning?
Mooning is when someone puts their phone in "do not disturb" mode to ignore incoming texts. It’s named after the half-moon symbol that represents “do not disturb” on their iPhone.
What Is Mosting?
Mosting is when people come on strong, establish emotional intimacy and then disappear into thin air.
What Is Phubbing?
Phubbing is a combination of the words “phone” and “snubbing.” It's when you’re on a date, and she’s more interested in checking her phone than having a conversation with you.
What Is a Sapiosexual?
A sapiosexual is someone who finds intelligence incredibly attractive. They prioritize intellect, but that doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate other attributes. The term is now becoming mainstream with dating apps where people define their sexual orientations as "Sapiosexual."
What Is Serendipidating?
Serindipidating is putting off a date and “leaving it up to fate” in case someone better comes along in the interim.
What Is Stashing?
Stashing is when you date someone, and they hide you away from everyone in their life. You aren’t on their Social Media; they don’t introduce you to their friends, they never invite you to any social setting they’re a part of.
What Is Trumping?
"Trumping" is telling someone you voted for Trump so they stop the conversation with you.
New to the list of online dating terms is Trumping which is falsely claiming to have voted for President Donald Trump to get you to back off and end the conversation.
Final Thoughts
At it’s best, online dating is an amazing experience. You can meet tons of (hopefully) single, available, beautiful women instantly. You can find exactly who you want on a dating site.
With the good comes the bad. Women have so many options online it can make you feel like your disposable, and unfortunately some treat you as much.
It sucks when any of these terms happen to you but don’t dwell on it. There is someone online who will respect you and won’t pull any of these shenanigans with you.
If you'd like to add online dating terms I've missed, feel free to add them below.
