The Age Old Question, Should A Guy Pay On A First Date?

The answer varies on whom you ask but I have one rule, if you ask a woman out you pay the bill.  Should a guy pay on a first date with a woman?   The answer is yes.

I’m not alone in this mindset.  A 2017 survey conducted by Money and SurveyMonkey found 78% of respondents believe the man should pay on a first date.

I also asked Redditors their thoughts on who pays the bill and shared their thoughts in a previous blog post, Who Pays on the First Date, The Man Or The Woman? People of Reddit Have The Answer.

Now, I want to be clear.  I cannot stress this enough, your first date should be coffee or drinks; never dinner.  You don’t want to have to spend $50 or even $100 to determine if you’d like a second date with a woman. Imagine if there’s no connection.  Sorry, you just paid for an expensive first date.

If you think dinner’s a good first date idea consider this; analysis by Deutsche Bank found paying for two people in New York or San Francisco to go to a movie, have a meal, toss back a few beers, and a taxi ride comes to about $130. Do the math. A couple of those a week add up significantly. Stick to something more casual.

Back to the first date; my code is simple, if I ask a woman out I’m going to pay the bill. End of story.

Experts Weigh In On Who Pays The Check

When dating experts are asked “Should a guy pay on a first date?” the consensus is “yes.”  Alex Williamson, head of brand at the dating app Bumble told Huffington Post “In my opinion, if one person asked the other out, that person should take responsibility for the check.  But in any case, I always think it’s reasonable for both people to offer to cover all or part of the check and have a conversation about it.”

Talia Goldstein, the founder of the matchmaking company Three Day Rule, told Huffington Post “We encourage the guy to pick up the bill. It might feel silly, antiquated and outdated in a world filled with strong, independent women, but there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of tradition. Understandably, this can feel one-sided, daunting, maybe even unfair.”

Sure, people in general, may debate the issue but the majority of “experts” and “dating coaches” think men should pay for the first date.

What Every Guy Should Do When The Bill Arrives

Once the check arrives I like to reach for my credit card or cash an pay it.  I don’t let the bill sit there because it may create tension and disrupt the “energy” of the date.  The woman might sit there thinking “Is he expecting me to chip in?”   I never expect a woman to pay if I ask her out and neither should you so as soon as that bill arrives at your table reach over and say “I got this” like a boss.

And if a woman reaches to help pay it doesn’t mean she actually wants to split the bill.  A study by David Frederick, a psychology professor at Chapman University, surveyed over 17,000 people and 39% of the women in the survey said they hoped the man would decline an offer to help pay the bill.   I’m fine with this because I’m comfortable paying for the first date anyway.

So, when the bill arrives keep these tips in mind:

• Don’t be offended if she offers you money.
• Don’t just sit there staring at the check.
• If she reaches for her purse politely say “I got this” and leave it at that.

Some women will insist on paying while others will ask “Are you sure?” as they reach for their purse.  If I’m interested and want to continue the date I’ll say “I’ll pay but we can head over to the bar and you can buy me a drink” or “Let’s go grab a coffee. Your treat.”

All I’m doing is trying to continue the date. If a woman’s interested she’ll gladly accept. If she doesn’t have time to continue the date but is interested in hanging out again just tell her “OK, first rounds on you next time.”

If you aren’t interested in seeing her after the date just cut your losses and move one.  Be a gentleman.  Remember, you asked her out so you accept the risk that comes with it.

Beyond The First Date

When it comes to a second, third date and beyond I’m perfectly fine letting women pay or chip in.  In fact, I encourage it.  I’ll jokingly say “Where are you taking me to dinner tonight?” to give her a hint.

By the third date, you’re more than likely doing multiple things on a date night so you’ll most certainly divvy up the expenses. For example, maybe you’re both going out for dinner, followed by a movie, and drinks afterward.  If you pay for dinner and she tries to offer to pay for some of the dinner bill instead say “I got this. You can get the snacks at the movie.  OK?”  She’ll gladly accept.

Don’t keep track of who pays for what either.  It’s off-putting and not an attractive trait.  Never say “Oh, I paid for dinner last time and the time before that so you got this bill.”  That’s not something a real man would do.

Final Thoughts

When I’m asked “should a guy pay on a first date,” I say “yes” every time. In fact, if a woman suggests meeting I’ll still pay for the first date.

I’m old-school like that and think that’s what a gentleman does.  Dating has evolved and people change but I think for the most part women enjoy being treated out for the first date.  Some women are going to insist on paying and that’s fine.  I suggest sticking with saying “No” but also letting her know she has first round at the bar.

Should a guy pay on a first date? Leave your thoughts below.