What Are The Unwritten Rules Of Online Dating?

Millions of men using dating sites yet most have lackluster results.  There are several unwritten rules of online dating you should know.  By following these key tips you will succeed in the long run.

You may be aware of a few of these rules while some may surprise you.  You may disagree with a few but they all have merit and I encourage you to abide by them.  If you aren’t seeing the results you want, it’s time to look inward and make a few changes.

1. Women are under no obligation to respond back.

The dating site shows you’re a perfect match with a gorgeous woman. She liked your profile and you liked hers. You see you have the same interests and hobbies so you sit down and craft the perfect message. She gets your message, reads it and looked at your dating profile.

What happens next? Nothing. Crickets. No response back. Guess what? Women don’t have to respond to you. So if you don’t hear from a woman don’t get angry, frustrated, send her a nasty message or over think it.  It’s part of the online dating game pal.

2. One profile photo is not acceptable.

Be prepared to have less than stellar results if you have one photo on your dating profile.  In fact, I can guarantee you’ll fail miserably when you choose to use one photo.  That’s all I have to say about that.

3. You will be ignored if you half-ass it.

Your inbox will be a barren wasteland devoid of any messages if you have a profile that shows minimal effort; using 1 or 2 photos, a written section with only a few sentences, a jumbled/meaningless user name and a bad headline all speak volumes to women.

The effort you put into your dating profile shows women how serious you are about meeting someone. Do yourself a favor and show women you’re ready for something real by putting up a complete dating profile.

4. To succeed you must to standout.

Using cliches like enjoying “Netflix” or “going out and staying in” and how you “live life to the fullest” is generic and show nothing about who you are.

You may think you’re a “catch” but if your profile is full of cliches you look like every other guy on dating sites. Separate yourself from the herd by sharing what’s unique about you.

5. Laundry lists are off-putting.

It’s good to know what you want in a partner and you should share the qualities seek but don’t list unrealistic expectations.  Stay away from long lists detailing the perfect partner who doesn’t exist.  It’s OK to have standards and know what you want but it’s a red flag if you have a list of qualities seeking perfection.

6. Zero photos = Zero dates.

Having only one photo on your profile is bad but having no photos is worse. It’s 2018 and there’s no need to put up a dating profile without photos. Don’t expect women to respond if you hide who you are.

• Are you married?
• Are you in a relationship looking to cheat?
• Are you hiding something?
• What else is he hiding?
• Or are you simply a coward?

These are the things that go through a woman’s mind when men don’t have a photo on their profile. Man up and add a few photos.

7. The past is the past.

Leave all your bad life experiences off of your profile. Don’t mention ex’s or your lack of success on dating sites. Sharing how you’re “about to quit but giving this one last shot” or how you have “serious doubts anyone is real on here” is not needed.

Focus on the now and the future. Nobody wants to read your past baggage. Get over it.

8. No pictures of your pets.

Women love men who have pets; especially dogs because it shows you have the ability to care for something other than yourself. However, this doesn’t mean you should use a photo of your pet on your profile. If you’re in the photo with your dog that’s OK but a photo of Fido by himself is not acceptable.

9. Shirtless gym selfies don’t work.

Do I really have to bring this up?  Yes, because men still don’t “get it” unfortunately.  Please stop using these photos.  They don’t work.

Half-naked photos at the gym, your bathroom or your bedroom mirror are terrible. Nothing screams “I’m a self-absorbed jerk with nothing to offer but my body” like a half-naked photo.  Even better…photos with a toilet or your messy towel rack in the photo.

10. The active man gets results!

Don’t expect women to flock to your dating profile no matter how good it is. Yes, a dating profile is critical but what’s more important is the energy you put into pursuing women.

Guys who are successful on dating sites are the ones who chase women. Success on dating sites is linked to effort. If you think you can put up a profile and get a flood of messages because you see yourself as a “catch” you’re in for a rude awakening.

11. Nobody want’s an email buddy.

Once you start a conversation with a woman you should already be planning to get her number. You aren’t online for a “chat buddy” so ask her out already.

Women aren’t on dating sites to trade endless emails and engage in long-winded conversations. If your conversations have turned to “How’s your evening going?” it’s time to get her number.  If you want to know how to ask a woman out, check out my blog post How To Ask A Woman Out On A Dating Site In 3 Simple Steps.

12. Clean up your social media.

One of the lesser known unwritten rules of online dating is women will track you down on Google and Facebook to make sure you’re on the “up and up” once you swap numbers.  Nearly 50% of women will look for you on Facebook before a first date.  40% of people will search for you on the internet to look for information about you prior to a date as well.

38% of singles will cancel a date based on information they find on Facebook according to a Match.com survey.  What this means is you need to go through your social media and remove anything women might see as a red flag.

Remember that funny pic where you’re hammered at a bar surrounded by a bunch of hot women? Or maybe you rant about politics on your Facebook timeline? Get rid of it.  Clean up your Facebook wall, Instagram, etc… Like it or not, you’re going to be judged on it.

13. If you ain’t in the photo, don’t use it.

Landmarks, beaches, mountains, quotes, celebrities, motorcycles, cars, and boats are great but shouldn’t be used as one of your profile photos. If you aren’t in the photo, don’t use it. Enough said.

14. Bad grammar can be catastrophic to your success.

Be sure you don’t misspell words or use bad grammar on your dating profile or messages to women.  Bad grammar makes you appear uneducated and is a turnoff to women.  Here are a few facts:

• 69% of women in one Match.com survey judged men most on the grammar in their profile.
• Zoosk found that spelling errors in your dating profile result in 13% fewer messages from women.
•  According to a study by Match.com, 96% of women thing grammar is essential and bad grammar is a turn-off.
• 65% of women would let grammar get in the way of pursuing a date according to Zoosk.

Get it?  Take the time to check your grammar because it might make the difference for a woman to contact you.

15. Keep your first date simple.

Your first meeting is to make sure there are chemistry and attraction. No dinner dates. No fun “dates” like festivals or art walks. No hikes. No comedy shows.

You want to have a conversation to be sure you actually want a second date. You can’t do that while watching a comedian or sitting at a movie. If you’ve ever taken a woman to dinner as a first date and realized there was nothing there you know what I’m talking about; it’s uncomfortable, awkward, and you just wasted your money and time.

Coffee or drinks. That’s it.

16. Don’t use filters on your photo.

Don’t use any app that enhances your face; airbrushing or smoothing out your features.  It’s obvious when people do this and you aren’t fooling anybody.

And for goodness sake, no stupid Snapchat filters or animal emoji’s. It’s not cute. It’s lame.  It’s not attractive.  Just don’t do it.

17. Ghosting is acceptable…somewhat.

It’s OK to ghost someone if you trade a few emails. It happens. Maybe you lost interest or found someone else you want to pursue. No harm in moving on. Believe me, she’s not going to sweat it if you vanish after 2 or 3 emails. It’s the “norm” now on dating sites.

Ghosting, however, is not acceptable if you meet someone for a date. At that point, show some class and let her know you’re not interested.

18. If your first message fails…try again!

Go ahead and email women a second time if they don’t respond to your initial message. Your message may have been buried in her inbox or maybe she simply didn’t get back to you and forgot. Life happens.

There’s nothing to lose when you send a second message. Oh, and never send the same message. When you write your second message act as if you never sent her the first; use a completely different approach.

19. You get what you pay for.

Free isn’t always the best option for online dating. You can use sites like POF and OkCupid but from my experience, if you pay for the full use of the site you’ll do better.  They allow you more options to contact women so it’s worth it in my opinion.

Check around on sites like retailmenot for discounts you can use. Give a month or two and if you don’t like it move on to another site.

However, you don’t need to use specific things like “boosting” on OkCupid or “Boosts” on Tinder or “coins” on Zoosk.  Stay away from those because they aren’t going to help you as much as they make it seem.

20. Everything on your profile is fair game.

Women analyze everything on your dating profile. Obviously, your photos and written section but your username can have an impact as well.  If your site has a headline that has an impact.  Leaving sections where you choose options (kids, smoking, income) blank can be a red flag as well.

You may want to have someone check out your profile before posting it to get an honest opinion.  Especially if you have female friends.

21. Likes are meaningless.

Don’t read into “likes” or similar features on your dating site. They are meaningless. Women may use them as a means to signal their interest but it doesn’t mean you’re soulmates.

22. You’ll do better if you’re on multiple sites.

Do yourself a favor and join a couple of dating sites. Why not join Match.com and OkCupid at the same time? Maybe jump on Tinder and Eharmony.

The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you are to find a match. And if you’re serious about meeting someone, paying for a couple of sites for a month or two shouldn’t be an issue.

23. Keep your profile fresh.

One of the key unwritten rules of online dating is don’t let your profile go stale especially if you aren’t seeing the results you want. Swap out photos and revise your dating profile once a month. These changes may catch a woman’s eye who overlooked you in the past.

Sites also match you with women in “daily matches” based on your profile so there is a benefit to changing things up.

24. Momentum is everything.

Match the email frequency of the women in your conversations. Nothing kills momentum like not responding back for 3 or 4 days. Women will see that as a sign you aren’t interested.

Keep the conversation fresh and engaging.  Don’t let it go stale.  You don’t want to ask a woman “How’s your weekend going?” or “How are you?”  Focus on her profile and share your experiences to make yourself relatable.

25. Don’t be passive.

The hotter the woman, the more passive men become.  Take risks in your messages.  Step outside your comfort zone when you send the first message.  Be a little cocky in your messages. Be assertive. Don’t be wishy-washy.  Women like men who take charge and know what they want.

Feel free to comment below and contribute to the unwritten rules of online dating below.