The Universal Question: Who Pays on the First Date?

Your date comes to an end and the bill arrives. You both sit there unsure of what to do next. Does this sound familiar? Who pays on the first date? My rule is simple, the man always pays.

I go into detail why a man should pay on my blog post, Should A Guy Pay On A First Date Or Split The Bill?

I was hanging with a group of friends one afternoon, men and women, on a boat ride around San Diego.  As we talked one important topic came up; “Who pays on the first date?”

One of the girls had a date that night with a guy she met on Plentyoffish. The guy was taking her out to dinner for the first date. During the conversation, she mentioned that she always offers to chip in when the check arrives.

Of course, upon hearing this all the other women in the group spoke up saying that she shouldn’t offer to chip in for anything. They all had their reasons; it might offend the man, it’s awkward, it’s tradition, a gentleman doesn’t expect to split the bill, etc…

I spoke up being the lone voice of opposition to their view. I said there is nothing wrong with her offering to chip in. I told her I actually found it refreshing when a woman pulled out her wallet and offered to pay half the bill. I would of course always say no and pay the bill myself.

All the other women on the boat continued to tell the girl not to offer any payment whatsoever. We went back and forth over this for over an hour.  I will come back to this story later and tell you what the girl ultimately decided to do.  This conversation on the boat got me curious what other people thought about who pays on the first date so I turned to Reddit.

Redditors Answer “Who Pays on the First Date?”

I decided to take action and check what the people of Reddit would say about who should pay on a first date.  I posted several threads asking Reddit members “who pays on the first date?” Is it the man? The woman? Do they split the bill?

I wanted to get as many opinions as possible from both men and women.   Of course, this isn’t a scientific study but it does show the mindset of men and women about who pays on the first date.

Who Pays For The First Date According to Women

“…if a guy is gonna be offended by me offering to pay, we will definitely not be a good match, anyhow..”

“I always offer to pay (I’m female). I really like when the guy responds, “No, I want to pay.” That’s how 90% of my dates go down.”

“I always not only offer but insist on splitting on the first date. I figure anyone who’s offended by that isn’t someone I want to date anyway.”

“I usually try to get the guy to split the bill with me, and if he absolutely refuses I get the “next round”. I hate that weird feeling of I bought you dinner so…”

“When it comes to who pays on the first date I always offer to pay my way. But most guys insist they pay for me. We’ll fight for a bit and just end up giving up.”

“If he doesn’t ask and the date is at the bar or coffee shop, I pay for my own drinks. Anything else, I go with the rule that the person arranging the date pays. So if I ask the guy out, I’ll pay for it.”

“I offer but let him insist. It hasn’t happened that I’ve ended up paying a 50% share but if it did, I would wonder if he liked me but wouldn’t hold it against him. I’ve paid for a round if we are having 3 drinks but never 50/50.”

“I don’t explicitly offer; I just get my wallet out. They’ll usually say they’ve got it, I’ll make one more effort to split, they insist. If I’m having a great time, I suggest we go to another bar and I’ll buy the beers.”

“I always offer to pay, and the guy always insists on paying. And I am just being polite, so I guess guys read the situation accurately! I try much harder to pay on subsequent dates.”

“I go with the rule that the person arranging the date pays. So if I ask the guy out, I’ll pay for it.”

Who Pays For The First Date According to Men

“I don’t get offended if a woman makes the offer. I do get offended when she refuses to let me pick up a tab of less than $20, and keeps insisting. I’m offering to pay for your drink or coffee. Let me fucking pay.”

“I wouldn’t be offended. She should offer but not force you to let her. If she pays on the first one, definitely let me pay on the second.”

“I find it a different case when a girl picks a restaurant and insists on going out for dinner.. in that case should be split.. when she doesn’t offer anything I just pay.. I don’t want any awkwardness trying to figure out who pays on the first date..”

“I think whoever asks for the date should be ready to pay. Like it’s not fair to ask someone out on a date and expect them to go Dutch unless previously specified. That said I think it’s in bad form for the other person to not at least offer.”

“I don’t get offended if the woman offers to pay, but I agree with the tradition that the person who extended the invitation to go out should expect to pick up the tab, unquestioningly.”

“It’s pretty refreshing to actually split a date, but doesn’t make much difference one way or the other who pays on the first date.”

“I’m always prepared to pay the bill, regardless of who asked who.”

“Women gain points by offering to pick up a minor incidental (coffee, ice cream).”

“In regards to who pays on the first date, for me, paying for those early dates is something I want to do, as long as she appreciates and enjoys that sort of thing. She has taken the greater risk by meeting me. Paying for the date itself is small potatoes in my mind.”

Final Thoughts

Men and women have a wide range of opinions on who pays the check.  Aside from the first man above, no other men who responded to my posts on Reddit said that he was offended when a woman offered to pay.  Women accepted that the guy was paying and for the most part offered to chip in.

I know this isn’t the case for everyone but in the end, it depends on what you are comfortable with.  From my perspective, if you asked her out, you should pay for the initial date.

Don’t be the guy who will sit there and not reach for the bill. It’s tacky and pathetic to sit there and stare at the bill waiting for her to do something. Yes, some guys do this.

As soon as the bill arrives reach for it, take out your credit card or cash, and hand it to the waiter/waitress.  If she offers to pay politely tell her she can buy the first round of drinks at a bar somewhere or you two can go grab coffee or dessert at a place around the corner and she can pay for that.

If a woman is interested in you, she will gladly take you up on that offer to continue the date.  Don’t be the guy who gets offended if a woman offers money. If she insists on paying politely refuse.

Back to the woman who told everyone she always offers to help pay some of the bill. Even though all her friends told her that she shouldn’t offer to pay anything she wasn’t swayed.

She stuck to her guns and was adamant that she would offer to pay part of the tab.  I later found out she did indeed offer to chip in and the guy politely refused.  She offered again and he said again turned it down.  At that point, she told him “thank you” and the date continued on where they went bar hopping.  No harm. No foul.  She enjoyed the date.

Check out the video below where people were asked on the street who should pay for the first date

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWqUYKvmYoQ

What are your thoughts on who pays on the first date? Leave your comments below!