Women Don't Respond To Your Messages - Now What?
What do you do if you're on a dating app like OkCupid and women don't respond to your messages? Never insult women, plead with them to reconsider, or send endless messages.
If a woman tells you she's not interested, just move on. Women don't owe you a response. Yet, many guys feel entitled to one.
Don't be the guy who ruins it for the rest of us because you can't take rejection. Hey, it happens.
Every guy sends messages that go unanswered. It's no big deal. It's part of the online dating game and even though it may be frustrating, let it go.
However, if you don't hear back from a woman, I have an approach you should use for your second message. I share that tip at the bottom of this post. But first, let's look at how most men deal with not receiving a response back.
The Types Of Messages Women Receive On Dating Apps
I want to know the types of messages guys send when women either don't respond or politely tell them, "I'm not interested." Where's the best place to find this information?
I asked Redditors, "What type of messages do guys send you when you don't respond to them?" early in 2017. The results are stunning.
Take note of these women's responses. Let it be a guide to you as to how you should NOT act if women don't respond to your messages:
What, not even a hello? That's disappointing.
Guess I'll just go fuck myself, then.
Why do you even have a profile on here if you don't reply? To make a fool out of guys like me?
As for men whose initial messages I don't respond to, generally the next message from them is the same copy paste they sent the first time, because they simply don't remember spamming me last time.
I responded to a few of those copy paste double messages lately, pointing out that they sent me the exact same message a couple weeks/months ago. One guy didn't respond. Another said he just wanted to make sure I got the message and one said, "Oh so you must be too good for online dating, then?"
Someone told me to "grow up" a few days ago when i said no thanks.
Last night some dude went on some rant after I didn't reply about how he fell in love with some girl in like 9th grade and how he was still in love with her and was just trying to bang his way into forgetting her. Why did I reactivate again?
I've had guys write first messages with "not even going to say hello?" shit when I've never even visited their profiles.
When it happens they send me the same message again or just "you there?"
Once a guy was like "it's okay you can just tell me you're not into me. You don't have to ignore me." I visited him twice because I was trying to decide if I could drop my size preference because everything else was so good. I almost gave that fat dude a chance until that message.
When I don't respond in the first place, I've been accused of not being a real person (seriously?), guys noting our match percentage and when I was online (why), and ghosting (don't you have to have a conversation first??).
I often get insults sent back when I send a :thanks, but no thanks" note. But this one is memorable. I finally replied to one guy that had been regularly sending messages over the course of several months....I finally gave him the "you seem nice, but I don't see a connection, good luck out there." What I got back was a torrent of barely coherent phrases begging and demanding to know why. His last was "But why not meeeee??" That is verbatim, btw, with extra "E's" and question marks. He is the biggest reason I generally don't write back anymore if I'm not interested. And these are full grown men in their 40s/50s. Dating sucks at every age, it seems.
Four Years Later... Same Problems For Women
In January 2021, I presented the same question to women on Reddit. The responses are similar to the responses from February 2017.
In my experience, and I am usually pretty responsive, they either unmatch or curse/threaten.
"Hi", "Hi, how are you", "your name + ?", "What are you doing"? Usually followed by multiple "?????" if you don't respond by the hour.
To be honest I rarely ever respond when I receive this kind of intros. But I always respond when someone refers to something in my profile in their message. When I send the first message I follow this rule too and it works quite well.
Someone who keeps sending me new messages when I did not even have time to reply to the first one is quite annoying.
Sometimes it even makes me unmatch the person because I don't want to deal with impatient people, especially when we don't own each other anything at that time.
They tend to either not message or insult me. Typical examples include guys who make crass remarks about my boobs/curves and then call me fat when I don’t respond 
9 out of every 10 messages I get is something that makes me think:
- they didn't even look at my profile
- they sent the exact same message to everyone
Why should I bother to respond if they can't be bothered to take
2 minutes to write something interesting?
Annoying Messages In Action
Here are several screenshots of messages men send women on various dating apps. Hopefully, you're not guilty of these approaches. If so, you're shooting yourself in the foot.
Avoid offensive messages - they never work.
Avoid offensive messages on dating apps.
Sending nonstop messages is a terrible idea.
Avoid sending multiple messages on dating apps because they are annoying to women.
Multiple messages shows women you're insecure.
Sending several messages shows insecurity to women.
Sending the same message shows laziness.
Sending repeat messages on dating apps shows a lack of effort.
Don't ask women why they're not interested in you.
Don't ask women why they're not interested in you on dating apps.
Final Thoughts
My question to Redditors showed that it's not uncommon for women to receive hostile emails from men who are ignored or politely told: "not interested."
In the end, if a woman doesn't respond to your message or tells you she's not interested, don't take it personally. You should never attack a woman, yet many men do. Do you think attacking her is going to change her mind?
And definitely, don't plead with her to reconsider talking to you. Don't message back, "What about me, in particular, don’t you like?" It shows a complete lack of confidence.
I recommend sending a second message if you don't hear back from her but wait a few days. Your message may have gotten lost in her inbox among the other guys sending her messages.
I've met plenty of women by sending a second message, so I encourage you to do it. But if you do this, never reference your first message. Act as if you never sent it. Come up with a completely new approach commenting on something else on her profile.
Ask an open-ended question. If you see a woman enjoys cooking, comment on that. If she's active and enjoys the outdoors, focus on that in your email. It's more engaging than simply writing "you there?" or "Hi."
If you don't put effort into your icebreakers, you honestly don't deserve a response.
Want great tips for starting conversations? Visit my blog post, What Are Funny Icebreakers For Tinder? 5 Easy Ways To Get Responses.
I'm curious, what do you do when women don't respond to your messages? Do you take it personally or move on? Share your experiences below.
Its funny when girls dont respond to a nice message but respond when some random guy on the internet calls her a bitch or whatever. In my mind why should a girl care about what some random, nameless faceless person on a dating website thinks of her?
Exactly Hahahaha ?
Just like women owe men nothing. Men don’t owe women anything either that includes being civil towards her or even being a gentleman. If women treat us like we don’t even exist why should we treat women with civility?? Why just because they are women? Fuck that shit
that’s not true. Some men are bad, some women are bad, some are good and maybe they had a bad day and taking it out on a random stranger on the internet.
But do NOT make the excuse “hey this guy from florida was bad to me therefore all guys on the planet are bad” because you will create yourself a self-fulfilling prophecy where all the good men avoid you and only the bad ones are willing to talk to you. 100% same goes with the genders reveresed.
He/she sent you a bad message? Tell him/her what the problem was, block, move on with your life, keep a positve attitude for your potentual future husband/wife. I guarantee you NO ONE comes on a dating site to look for a partner who is a sexist man-hater/woman-hater.
Oh, you wanna rant? Okay, some people might be fine with it, I enjoy hearing a woman get it off her chest, but do not accuse **me** for what other people did. You wouldn’t like it either. Regardless of gender.
And of course people aren’t going to be civil when dating sites can be so infuriating!!! Just read the comments from people here. When’s the last time you ever heard someone say dating sites are amazing!?
I don’t take it personally but do need breaks between the silence. After sending over 150 thoughtful, customised messages and only getting 4 responses with a 100% rejection rate, their ignorance does feel debilitating. My mindset is if that’s the way these women treat other human beings I’d rather not meet them. It may not be the best way to think but it’s a coping mechanism and helps me move on.
you’re absolutely 100% correct, because dating sites have 99% men and 1% women, and it’s REAL hard for these men to stay positive with such overwhelming odds stacked against them day afterday. An uphill battle.
And yes, these women have no empathy, i.e. “how might the fat guy feel? How does he feel about being ghosted or rejected” she could not give a single fuck, all she cared about is herself and her strange reason for even taking his message as somehow so bad, that he blew his chances. I mean my god, what a snob. A guy asks politely what he did wrong and it’s his fault? K.
Now don’t get me wrong, It SEEMS to be that when it comes to (the woman’s) family, friends in real life, pets, random cause to make her look like a good person like muh starving kids in africa, and epecially her own biological kids, it seems like the woman usually goes above and beyond.
Meanwhile on dating sites she couldn’t give less of a fuck. Her potential husband is so down on the list that it seems completely perfectly fine to ghost him, not reply, “I don’t owe you anything” mindset… no, you treat him like a piece of trash, he will NEVER be your husband. Think about it, who the hell wants to be treated like they’re not a priority at all??? Does this woman even WANT to date??? Doesn’t look like it! Ghosting = 0% effort. Then she’s criticizing other men for not making enough effort? What?
I have come to the conclusion after many years of real life and online experience, it is a huge waste of time asking women out. Women are privileged and are not interested unless you are at the top of their social circle. Social status turns women on, its not the looks or your hobbies. This apllies globally to all ethnicities and races, its in Womans DNA to only go for the best.
If you are a king women will throw themselves at you but if you are average, chances are slim to none.
Now sure you can learn some PUA or manipulation techniques but is that really worth it, not at all. The best way for us men is to focus on ourselves and build our own empire, then and only then you can have a woman of your choice on your own terms.
I like how this article, like everything else in society, revolves around women. Maybe that’s the problem ? And maybe that’s why women are more miserable than ever ?
read between the lines… and read your own comment, step back and think… the answer is very simple. All dating sites/apps have 99% men 1% women. Now you get your answer for everything. It’s like fans flocking to a celebrity, and women LOVE it. That’s why a lot of them just go for the ego boost.
More miserable than ever???????? LOL if you say so buddy. Women 50-100 years ago weren’t even allowed to vote, they were expected certain roles, no jobs, barely any freedom, they were thought as inferior…. nowadays they are superior. Have a man and a woman at a job interview, the woman will get it because “muh diversity”. Or “muh wage gap”. Doesn’t matter if she has less productivity, qualifications, experience etc, “muh wage gap”. I seen this nepotism.
Meanwhile no woman wants equality when it comes to the shitty jobs. They all want to be rich CEOs. That’s why feminism is sexist, it ONLY focuses on giving women as many priviliges as possible. It will NEVER say that women need less, or men need more. Never. Let me hear a feminist say how more women need to sign up on dating apps.
If you don’t believe me, go make a free account as a woman. See the truth for yourself. Or just watch the youtube videos of other guys who experimented this. See for yourself how many of these messages they get. Yeah they do get… a few of them. While us men get FAR more rude people…. such as people who call us fat, or ghost, or call us insecure etc etc etc hey just like in this article!!!
So instead of supporting each other, we ended up with a war between genders. How sad is that? Men want to pursue women, women reject them because they now think they’re worth 100x more (Even though the ratio of women and men on the planet hasn’t changed simply due to dating sites), their standards are through the roof, men get lonely, frustrated, irritated, start sending out bad/rude messages, then women say “see? All men are bad!”.
Yeah well she might want a positive person but let me tell you, it’s REAL hard to stay positive these days.
So typical. 1 out of 10 guys acts rude to you therefore you make it look like all guys are bad. Why don’t you take a look in the mirror though? Are you really so oblivious to the fact that it’s extremely rude to ghost people? They’re right when they tell you to “grow up”… grow a pair of balls and act like an adult. Ah that’s right, men have the balls to say what they think, women just sit here on their blog and silently judge people… well, not all women. Some women.
DO say what you don’t like about a man. Don’t torture him with anxiety and self doubt, making himself wonder what he did wrong. This is no joke, men are 4 times more likely to commit suicide. This isn’t just about some guy sending a dick pic because he’s horny. (which frankly happens quite rarely) oh and that boob comment… let’s see your pic first, shall we? What are the chances that you were showing a massive cleavage? That’s the message that you were sending. Whether you want to admit it or refuse and act like a child.
Boohoo he didn’t spend 2 minutes writing something better… yeah, maybe, or maybe your profile is as bland as everyone else’s, or why bother when you gotta send 100 messages because 90% are inactive profiles and the rest 90% are women who aren’t even interested in talking? I mean there are so many fake profiles… women have to deal with creepy men who are fake, just want sex, would hit or rape her etc but women catfish and ghost. Hey, we’re all dealing with bad situations, but are you REALLY going to find a good man when you’re putting the message out there “I hate all men”? Don’t you think the genuinely good men are going to avoid you??? Think about it, what would a good man rather have, a woman who shows 100% no interest, ghosts with 0 remorse, expects funny interesting replies, expects men to take the first step, always criticizes the man etc etc well miss princess everyone has faults. If you think prince charming is out there who is compatible with every single thing down to the music taste and tv shows, you are dead wrong. Ask your parents. You honestly think there aren’t things that your mother doesn’t put up with or your father doesn’t just ignore? And what did YOU do for these guys, where’s your effort, where’s your clever interesting first messages?
Also, you’d be insecure too if you got rejected by hundreds, maybe thousands of women with absolutely no clue to tell you “hey, that beard looks ugly” or “your clothes are old as hell”. Heck, women are insecure even AFTER they get tons of compliments.
And they say women have empathy? Lol. When’s the last time a woman on a dating site actually considered the point of view of a man? When’s the last time you asked a guy what he likes or dislikes? The guy is asking you, you reply with short answers, then you blame him for being bad at conversations.
Oh and also the ones who are gorgeous, have a very nice personality etc etc then they victimize themselves how they haven’t been on a real date or haven’t been hugged in the last 6 years. The answer: because YOU don’t want to. But hey that doesn’t make you look good at all, does it? You want empathy, “poor you awww” not the “wow what a snobby bitch!”.
I’m not saying all women do this, only some, it’s all mixed, but there are good reasons why you just can’t “find a good man”. Same goes for men, we do mistakes, but fucking tell us what the mistakes are for god sake. Oh and no, your word is not the law of god, remember YOU might be wrong on your criticism (like criticizing a guy for being insecure) same way I could be wrong here. It takes balls to admit when you’re wrong and accept different points of view. So read your article and tell me, where is the room for that? It’s all just “here are the facts”. No, it’s ok to be insecure, it’s ok to ask why she wasn’t interested, heck the “fat guy” (talk about insulting him) was being an adult. He accepted no as an answer, he tolerated your rude ghosting, and when he politely asks you for reasons in order to perhaps improve himself (like lose weight?), instead of telling him “hey it’s perfectly fine to be fat, some people like it” what do you do? Well, just read your own text.
I mean my god my post is so negative and rude but at least I’m honest, truthful and have a spine. Can you say that about yourself? When’s the last time you tried to lend a hand to these guys? And yes unlike you, I admit my own faults. Where’s the “I am such a bad person for ghosting or body shaming people instead of giving support”?
Bros always help each other. Even if we’re fat, insecure, horny, whatever. And you would want support too if you sucked at something. For example: you suck at dating sites. I mean… being an average/attractive woman on a dating site… and you can’t find a boyfriend?? You have any idea how privileged you are? Dating sites have 99% men 1% women. That makes it 99*99=10000 (almost) easier for you. And crying about how “boohoo I get so many messages” is like a rich person crying to a homeless guy that he can’t decide whether to buy a lambourghini or a ferrari.
this article is either written by a woman who’s online persona is a man or its a virgin man who likes other men. All together, its not a straight man. Skoooti skooooooo